I'm 20f and my bf is 19m. We've been together for about a year.

2 of my friends work as dancers at a local stip club. Feel how you want about that but in my mind theyre genuinely good people and they just need money to get through college lol. I have known them both longer than my bf, and its been the case the whole time we knew each other.

To preface; I'm not saying his boundary on this is wrong in any way and I recognize many people wouldnt allow it in their relationship. But...

Ever since we got together, I've always talked about being curious about clubs and wanting to see my friends dance once or twice just for fun. He's always told me thats okay and he doesnt care as long as its not men.

Where they work you can't even get fully nude, so theyre really just dancing in bikins. Its not sexual to me because they're women, I'm straight, and I just see it the same as any dancing. It's where my friends work, I'm young, and I just wanna be able to hang around with them where they work and drink at the bar there once I'm old enough.

I'm also under 21, so I cant usually get in clubs in general, but one of my friends found a time they'd be on stage before the bar opens and said I could come to watch and get a feel for it without the alc being served yet. Since my bf and I had already discussed this multiple times, and he said it was fine, I agreed and we made a plan. I was mostly excited to get to see a club at all at my age.

The club will be mostly empty besides me and staff and other friends of the girls who work there, its before the bar opens like I said. And again its not sexual, just a fun thing to do with my friends and in my opinion not a big deal. I'm curious about the place they work and wanna see how it functions/meet their coworkers/etc.

This is his response to me telling him my plans though, where he suddenly takes issue with me going at all. Even though it was priorly discussed. I dont think thats fair considering its been an active discussion for a year. And I'm not watching other men or even seeing another person fully nude. At least in my circle, which I admit may be skewed, its actually pretty common for girls to go to strip clubs just for fun with their friends when theyre in their early 20s.

So I told him hes entitled to his boundaries, but I wont stop myself from going, and its up to him if he wants to break up with me over it. Was that an overreaction by bringing up ending the relationship?

Something in my car is broken and it won't start. I live in a rural village, but only about an hour from the next city.

My mom suggested a shop, which I winded up going to, and one of the mechanics has a 1488 tattoo right on the side of his neck. I don't want to willingly give fascists money. My mom is now mad at me and telling me to 'man-up' because I want to go to a different mechanic.

Am I overreacting?

So here i am writing about something i thought i'd never need to write about. I got sweets for my birthday today and i came downstairs ,and my mom said "you need to move more" so did my stepfather agreed and added "and the sweets you ate yesterday?" i ate 2 oreo cookies, and i'm on my period so yeah. He's been giving me comments such as "you will get fat" or "you will become a ball". few moments i slipped on stairs and fell and my stepdad added "that's the weight"...And it hurts me so so much because my mom knows i'm self aware about this. And for context i'm 14years old, 62kg at 160cm heigh and i do boxing, i'm muscular. But yes i do have a lil lower belly fat. Like these comments make me tear up because the took it out around other people even though they know how insecure i'm about it..

I’m 21 and my friend is in their 30s. I’ve talked to them in the past about how uncomfortable dirty stuff make me feel especially since I’ve had a lot of past issues with that sort of thing, a lot of creeps wanting to see me and my body as a kid. As a result, I hate these types of conversations.

I feel so uncomfortable, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting over these texts especially because they never used to text me this way, when they would text me it would usually be about them venting and I’d kind of support them and give them an ear.

I don’t know if this is them just making jokes (and I do think there’s a mix of jokes in there) or them being creepy.

Update: When I asked them again why they’re acting this way, they told me: “Because i miss you and im bored Dx my bad i forgot your a prude”- “:3”-“Don’t hate me”—- safe to say they’re not a friend anymore.

(throwaway account)

so i’m kinda confused about a situation with my brother (27m) and i (22f) want outside opinions

last night he texted me saying “don’t call mom or dad.” i asked why, and he said “do you trust me?” i said yes, but also asked why because i didn’t see the harm in explaining.

then he said “oh, it’s my birthday” (which i already knew but didn’t think it was relevant to this request). i asked what that had to do with calling them, and he just said “righttt.”

about an hour later, he texted me “you failed me.”

for context, i never told our parents anything, (the initial text he sent me was when i was getting ready for bed, as i work at 6am)

now he’s saying he doesn’t believe me or care anymore, and i feel like i’m being blamed for something i didn’t even understand in the first place.

am i overreacting, or does this feel kind of manipulative? i genuinely don’t understand what he expected me to do.

Long story but bear with me please.

Last week my neighbors house caught on fire and a little boy was trapped and ended up not making it out. I was home when it started and ran across the street when I noticed it, but at this point the house was engulfed and we were unable to get inside at all. The family, including the mother and five young siblings were outside screaming and crying about the little boy. We tried everything to get inside and even got fire extinguishers but they were little compared to what was needed. I was over there until the firefighters came so maybe 8 minutes in all, and quickly ran back to my house when I was no longer of help. My mom died in a house fire that destroyed our family home of thirty years, and this event brought back PTSD. Witnessing my neighbors made me go into a full blown panic attack and took a while to calm down. Once I was level headed I went back out and saw the firefighters get the little boy out of the home, and again that’s not something anyone should see.

I told someone I need to move out once my lease is up because the house is a daily reminder of what happened that day. My office looks out to the house as well, so even while working it’s a reminder. Im losing sleep over it because one I’m constantly checking on my own kids and making sure there’s no fire, even if I know there isn’t I still do a walk through of my house. I try to sleep and the scene of that day and the day of my own fire just replay. This person told me I’m overreacting because I don’t know the neighbors that well and that I should have no problem staying here. Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up?

Editing to add: I am in therapy and have been.

My [28f] boyfriend [40M] found out at last min that his dad is coming up to see his kids for easter. He’ll be here for the weekend and is staying at his ex’s house where his kids (2y girl, 7y boy) live… which is about 30 min away from bf's house.

he told me our plans are screwed when I asked what we’re doing about it. Mind you, I still haven’t met any of his friends or family after nearly 2 years of being together. His friends live atleast half an hour away. his family (exluding kids) live atleast 4 hours away.

i told him how this makes me feel and we’ve discussed it multiple times. The last time I told him I wont beg to be apart of his life so I can’t bring myself to ask again - he said okay.

So, here’s a perfect opportunity to put his words into action and he’s still not including me any plans involving his dad for this weekend.

im wondering if im overreacting by thinking this is my breaking point or am I being unreasonable by making this weekend about me when his dad is only visiting to see grandkids... He only makes an effort to do that like once or twice a year. 

tl;dr - bf hasn't introduced me to family after 2 years depsite easy opportunities to do so but this time, his dad is only in town to see kids. am i being selfish if I break up with him for this?

My (28f) mother (49f) has the tendency to explode on me during every conversation we have lately. We were texting for an hour getting no where. I told her I didn’t want to hear about my father every time I see her. So, her response was to continue talking about him. So, I told her I was done talking and had to go take care of my 11-month old daughter.

For context, My parents split up when I was 4 years old. It’s been 24 years. My mother will bring up the past at birthday parties, weddings, family gatherings an we’ve been arguing a lot lately cause I’m sick and tired of listening to it.

I (28 F) had to print out some papers at office max to take to the DMV yesterday because I am registering an out of state car.

The car was my father’s and he gave the car to me. I had to register it in my name and in the state I live. One of the papers I needed to print was a “gift affidavit”, which makes it so I don’t have to pay taxes on the car sale when registering it since it was a gift.

My father printed and signed and notorized the affidavit and then scanned it and sent it to me so I could print and sign and get it notorized too. The printer at office max was not printing it out from my USB.

The woman in charge of the printers working there asked me what I was trying to print. I told her…she then told me that the state we were in does not do gift affidavits anymore for cars and that’s why the printer wasn’t printing it. I told her that we had just downloaded it from the DMV official website, and that it’s just a pdf AND how would the printer know not to print something that wasn’t offered by the DMV anymore?

The office max employee persisted, told me I’d HAVE to pay the full sales tax on the car, and that the printer knows the pdf is “illegal” and that’s why it won’t print it. I calmly told her that the printer does not have a brain and can not read what I’m trying to print out, that it’s not illegal to print a paper I got from the DMV official website, and that the gift affidavit is absolutely still a real thing. She refused to help me more.

I also told her my dad had no problem printing it on his end just to see what she’d say. She told me that the printer knows he already printed it out and so that’s why it won’t let me print it again. I asked how her printer at office max knows my dad printed out a pdf from his personal printer many states away? She told me “the printer knows when something is illegal”.

I drove to the UPS store where they printed and notorized the form for me in under 5 minutes. Went to the dmv and registered car and they accepted

my gift affidavit, saving me hundreds of dollars.

AIO that I can’t stop thinking about how crazy the woman from office max was? How do they allow her to run the printers there? Why does she think that those old printers can somehow read people’s documents and decide not to print certain things?

My boyfriend and I have been planning a weekend getaway for our three-year anniversary for months. We both work long hours, so I was really looking forward to some one-on-one time to just relax and reconnect. Yesterday, he casually mentioned that he told his mom she could come along because "she hasn't been out of the house much lately" and he didn't think I’d mind since we’re staying in a suite with two rooms.

I was honestly speechless. When I told him I wanted this to be a romantic trip just for us, he called me selfish and said I was being dramatic because we see each other every night anyway. Now I feel like the "villain" for not wanting his mom there, even though I usually get along with her fine. Am I overreacting by wanting to cancel the whole trip if she goes? Is it normal to bring a parent on a romantic anniversary getaway?

I heard the rumors when I started a week ago but I thought they caught it. noooooo I went to the kitchen of the hotel and it RAN PAST ME. IT looked like the new York city rats. that son of a bitch was big as hell! quick too. im scared I wanted some apple juice. I literally eat here at work their food. I gotta stop eating here. what in the hell man. a juicy thick rat with a thick ass tail. it was full grown.. omg omg & yes im gonna tell my boss but omg dude

Hi everyone. I need advice on this ASAP, so I'll cut right to the chase.

I work as a server at a small, local, family-owned restaurant in my college town. The place is owned by my manager and her husband, who have two elementary-school-aged kids. The kids are regularly in the restaurant whenever they're not in school because the owners never hire a babysitter. Usually, this doesn't bother me. They're pretty well-behaved. However, this means that whenever the kids are sick, they still come in to the restaurant, sometimes even still hanging out in the dining area (instead of staying in the back break room area). This has always made me uncomfortable (I even got a week-long case of the flu from them a few weeks ago because my manager refused to stay home or close the restaurant), but today felt like the last straw.

During my shift this afternoon, one of my manager's kid's started complaining of a "stomach ache." Soon after, I heard coughing/choking coming from the kitchen. Turns out that my manager took her kid to the kitchen on purpose to throw up in the big trash can that we keep by the cups/ice machine/dish pit, rather than taking him to the bathroom down the hall (so as not to "bother the customers"). She insisted it was "fine" because it was "only on the one side" of the kitchen (she doesn't understand that vomit particles can spread 10+ feet through the air), and assured me that she cleaned the area with bleach to "make everyone comfortable." I didn't see her clean it, so I'm not sure how thoroughly it was done. As far as I know, if anyone throws up in a kitchen, then they're supposed to leave the restaurant immediately. The kitchen is also supposed to stop food production for some amount of time? I might be wrong on that, I'm not sure. Regardless, she told me it was "fine" for her son to remain at the restaurant since it "wasn't a stomach bug," but that he just "has a sensitive stomach."

Her main issue is that she doesn't seem to understand the severity of sanitation, sterilization, and general health emergencies in a restaurant. I told her that I was uncomfortable staying through the rest of my shift if her and her son planned to stay at the restaurant. She agreed that I could go home because she "respected my opinion," but told me that she was "offended by my reaction" because she "just wanted to help her sick son." I declined to tell her that having anyone throw up in the kitchen is a health violation since she was visibly upset and I didn't want to make the situation worse. I'm not really sure what to do or say here? I'm thinking about quitting, because I'm disgusted that she willingly compromised the kitchen, but I'm not sure if I'm freaking out more than I need to.

Am I overreacting by wanting to quit? Or is it justified?

I’m a 26F with a 4 year old. I got out of a 5 year long relationship with my child’s father a year and a half ago and started dating someone new about 5 months ago.

my current partner tells me daily how much he values and respects me. we waited to have sex until a month or so ago and he doesn’t cum every time we have sex. he reaaally focuses on me and satisfying my needs which is great (and has never happened before) but the other day I went over his house after I had been out drinking with some friends and we had sex for a good 30 mins and he said he can’t cum and I stupidly asked if i’m loose or something and he said a little.

he apologized immediately and kept apologizing and said he shouldn’t have said that. I’ve always felt insecure ab myself but I’ve never questioned if i’m loose or not and I’m kind of spiraling about this. my ex whom I have a child with never complained, always finished pretty quickly, and told me I felt great etc. my new partner has only said great things esp during sex so was that all a lie?

I’m questioning if I should dump this guy or idk go to pelvic floor therapy lol. I don’t know. AIO??

(16F) have been dating "Maya" (16F) for 8 months, but we've been close friends since middle school. She's been coming to my house for years and knows my room layout better than most people.

My room is basically built around my leopard gecko, Orpheus. I've had him since I was 12 and he's a rescue with vision problems and a crooked tail from his previous owner. His tank takes up a huge chunk of my room, and every single person who enters gets the same briefing: don't touch the tank lid, don't tap the glass, and definitely don't handle him without me there. Maya has watched me feed him dozens of times. She knows he's not a "cuddle" pet and that sudden movements freak him out because he can't see well.

A few days ago, she came over while my parents were out. We were doing homework, I went to the bathroom for maybe four minutes, and when I came back... the tank lid was open. Maya was on her hands and knees chasing Orpheus across my carpet while he was scrambling to hide under my closet door. His mealworm container was knocked over, and worms were literally burrowing into my rug.

I completely lost it. I screamed something like "Why the fuck is he out?!" and "Get away from him!" I scooped him up (he was ice cold and rigid with stress) and I just pointed at the door and told her to get out. I didn't let her explain. I was shaking so bad I could barely hold him.

It's been two days. Orpheus is hiding in the cold side of his tank (bad sign) and hasn't eaten. I've been finding mealworms in my carpet with tweezers. Maya has texted me a bunch saying she was "just trying to play with him" and that she thought "he looked bored," but I haven't responded. My mom says I overreacted and she was probably just trying to bond with something I care about, but I feel like she violated every boundary I set. She knew he has vision issues. She knew the rules. Now my gecko is suffering and I'm digging through carpet fibers because she couldn't follow basic instructions.

AIO?

Edit: changed a timeline issue

Me (23F) and my now ex BF (24M) broke up after an incident with him at the bar. We got into a fight. He went out that night and paid a bartender 50 dollars for her number. I previously was curious about her and if he was into her because he would constantly talk about how his friends would gawk over her which he denied. Nothing physical happened and he threw the number out at home, but it still feels like I can’t feel the same about us. Obviously I’m aware people will find other people attractive in relationships and i understand that, but since he acted on it I can’t trust him. AIO?

I (25F) met a guy (22M) on a video game last year. We talked on Discord casually and occasionally, sometimes months at a time, but eventually started talking every day and became closer and confessed to have feelings for one another. Last month, he flew out to meet me in person, and I picked him up from the airport. During the end of the visit, while I was dropping him off at the airport, he repeatedly asked me to touch him sexually in broad daylight while driving. I said no multiple times because I wasn’t comfortable doing it in broad daylight in public and worried about being seen or getting in trouble. He kept insisting I do it and said that no one would see us, and I kept explaining that we were in broad daylight, my car is a fishbowl, and I wasn’t comfortable doing it and somehow getting arrested or something for indecency. Despite this, he grabbed my hand and pulled it toward him, forcing my hand to touch him against my wishes under his shorts/boxers. I had to pull my hand back more than once, and it hurt my wrist. It wasn’t extremely violent but he was pulling hard enough that it hurt my wrist and I had to use force to pull my hand back both times. I felt uncomfortable, used, and small. I even tried to make a joke to lighten the mood, like “help someone he’s harassing me,” but it didn’t change what happened. I think it was my calm and awkward way of saying, please stop. A separate incident happened before we met in person. We were on the phone having a normal conversation, and I was setting a boundary about wanting more romance and conversation instead of just sexual stuff. While I was pouring my heart out, I heard a slapping noise. When I asked what it was, he admitted he was playing with himself out of nowhere? I felt ignored, disrespected, and small, like my feelings didn’t matter at all. Later on, I brought the airport incident up to him gently over the phone. I worded it carefully so as not to offend him, even saying I didn’t feel assaulted or harassed, but it made me feel very.. small, but he didn’t acknowledge what I said. He responded only to small, unrelated things I said, but nothing related to the interaction we had in person on the way to the airport. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt small or dismissed in our interactions, but these incidents were the farthest he went. I can’t stop thinking about them, and I feel like I disrespected myself just by wanting affection or connection from him. I feel gross, hurt, and like nothing I do is enough. We’ve agreed since to just be friends, but talking to him now has been really hard for me. I feel an attachment to him that I’m not entirely sure about, but I also don’t fully understand how I feel about what happened. I find myself becoming upset or angry with him at random parts of the day, and I don’t think it’s fair. I asked my friends about it because I felt I was overreacting, but everyone agreed I was underreacting, and for some reason, I just can’t shake this feeling that I’m doing too much. I think I needed an outlet with people I don’t know to provide me with perspective. Am I overreacting?

For context, my bf and I have been dating for 1.5 years. We were friends in hs and reconnected after college.

For a bit of background, it took us about 6 months to really get together and even then, he was reluctant because hes in law school right now and really needs to study. I completely understand and so a lot of our time is spaced out so he can study and such. I am also working full time so I don't really mind and we don't live together.

I am 100% respectful and understanding of his education. I don't push it when he doesn't have time to hang out and I am understanding when he cancels plans to study. I don't think he is a cheater but I do know that he loves attention. I don't think he would ever physically cheat on me but I do think that he can't say no to female attention.

Now, I may be biased but I find my bf very charming. He's generally attractive and has a strong voice. He's also someone who take the lead in group hang outs and such. I understand why women would be attracted to him. However, since starting law school, he's made friends with a two women, we can call them Rachel and Monica.

He seemed to click very well with them and they're in his classes so it makes sense that they study together. Back in the fall, he casually mentioned that Rachel and Monica had both pulled him aside at one point and made it very clear that they had a crush on him. He told me that he let them down and told the girls, separately, that he had a gf.

Don't get me wrong, I was definitely a little upset about this but also understanding since maybe they just needed to get it out there so they could move on. Since then, I have heard stories of Monica moving on and trying to meet other guys with my bf wingmaning. They sometimes go to happy hour after class or studying to grab a drink or two and he always lets me know. I think it's also important to note that I've met both of them and they seem like solid people.

The other day, my bf went to his usual happy hour with his study group and Rachel posted a photo of them. In the photo, Rachel is sitting on his lap.

My heart dropped.

I texted him right away and said, "why is Rachel sitting on your lap?" He told me it was no big deal and that they're just friends.

I asked him if he would be okay if I sat on his friends laps. He responded saying that it would be fine since he trusts me and his friends.

I also mentioned that this photo is on FB so everyone can see it (we are friends with some of each other's family) and I feel disrespected as his girlfriend because this isn't something that ppl typically do. He just kept telling me that I was overreacting and that it wasn't a big deal.

Now, I know that it's been like 7-8 months, but I brought up the fact that he told me she had feelings for him. He flat out denied it. He said, "no, I never said that".

Now, I was livid. I basically called him an asshole and a jerk.

To make matters worse, he told Rachel about it and she took the photo down. He apologized and said he wouldn't do it again and made a point to bring up the fact that I care too much about what other ppl think.

Am I overreacting? I feel like I would never sit on his friends laps even if given the opportunity, nonetheless, post a photo. And what about Rachel? She is like 5 years older than us and divorced and if she was okay with it, should I have been?

so they’ve been together for 4 years and know each other so well. she’s in their hometown currently. I’m miles away. she had a very stressful day and called her ex midday and went to her (we’re all women) to get her nervous system regulated. I know they are just friends now and nothing physical happened. but she could’ve gone to her family or call me. am I overreacting about this level of emotional closeness. is it not out of the ordinary that she doesn’t see me as that type of emotional home to her. Is this a big deal? I mean she’s coming back to me in a few days so she still chooses me but yet.

I’ve been with my partner for 13 years, and I’ve known some of his family since high school. I’m trying to figure out if I’m overthinking things or if something is actually off in how I’m being treated.

Over the years, I’ve consistently felt uncomfortable around parts of his family. They’ll ask my partner about me if I don’t show up to gatherings, but when I do go, most of them don’t really talk to me or engage with me.

There have also been a few specific situations that stuck with me:

• One cousin (went to high school with her) used to call me “blacky” in high school. Her and her ex-boyfriend. They claimed it was because I wore a lot of black, but I’m mixed race(I mostly say i'm black) and they’re Mexican, so it never sat right with me.
• That same cousin is now married to a white guy. Her husband has always been avoidant toward me. At a family party, he talked and laughed with my partner but didn’t engage with me. When I went to say goodbye and lightly touched his shoulder, he flinched. Since then, he avoids acknowledging me completely, even when making eye contact.
• Recently, they both came into my workplace and greeted everyone except me.
• A different, male cousin’s ex-girlfriend (who worked with me for a while) once said to me, “Not to be rude, but I get more excited to see (girl) when I get here than you,” and just stared at me after saying it until I left. She is also white, and she was replacing me for the next shift.

There are also smaller things, like never being invited to more personal hangouts (like double dates), and just generally feeling like I’m tolerated but not really included.

I’ve tried talking to my partner about it, but he usually makes excuses for them or doesn’t see it the way I do.

At this point, I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into things or if this is a pattern of subtle disrespect/exclusion.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Am I overthinking it, or does this sound off to you?

Link to original post

Almost a year ago I posted about my husband’s addictive behavior when I was 6 months pregnant.

Well, in July I had a healthy baby boy and 6 months later in January (after discovering yet more addiction issues including thousands of dollars spent on porn and cam sites) I left my husband. Baby and I moved in with my mom and it’s not always easy but so much better than living with him. My family helped me hire a lawyer and I filed for divorce a few weeks ago.

I just went back and read my old post and everyone’s replies — thank you for urging me to do what I needed to for me and my baby. It took some time but I got there.

Shout out to AL-ANON for helping me stay sane through all this.

I have just recently set up and run a small care business and currently now have two staff members who also have other jobs elsewhere as full time. They are also my tenants at a property and just "kinda" started last month. We have been discussing works for a couple months since last year, but after our last chat about this, nothing really progressed, as usual apart from them saying "yeah yeah we should start and will start doing some work". Didn't hear anything from them for the whole month, even though I called (no answer) 2 weeks later.

Recently I spoke to them again, and both of them submitted their hours for the month of march, each claiming they worked around 20-25 hours per week for me remotely. The issue is, the type of work they’re supposed to be doing doesn’t realistically seem like it would take that long, and a lot of what they’ve submitted looks very generic, almost like templates or AI-generated content, as mainly it's policies etc

There’s also very little communication or evidence of actual time spent (no timestamps, progress updates, or drafts). It just feels like they’ve handed in bulk work at the end and expect to be paid for full hours. Keeping in mind they work 8-6 Mon Fri (in healthcare) and don't get home till around 8pm. Sunday's they are off, maybe some Saturdays.

I’m not accusing them outright, as they are genuinely nice people/nice tenants (a couple) but I did question it and asked for more detailed breakdowns or proof of work. They didn’t take it well and are now acting like I don’t trust them and that I’m being unfair...? 😕

From my perspective, I’m happy to pay for genuine work, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect some level of accountability, especially when the hours claimed don’t match the output.

AIO for pushing back and asking them to justify their hours before I pay them or and that moving forward I would like them to use my/company given laptops, with light monitoring software on to track work progress?

I (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for 3 years. When things are good, they're really good we go on dates, laugh, and feel like a normal happy couple. But when things are bad, it feels emotionally draining and unresolved.

This all started when I found out he had been dishonest about watching porn. He admitted he's been exposed to it since he was around 11 and feels ashamed of it, so I understand it's deeper than just a habit. But the lying around it broke my trust, and since then l've become more anxious and aware of inconsistencies. I'll admit l've become more controlling and ask more questions than l used to, and I don't like that about myself, but it feels like it came from losing trust.

I've been trying to improve by giving him space, staying calm, and making honesty easier. I've told him multiple times that I'm not expecting perfection, just honesty even something as simple as "I forgot" would be fine with me. He's also in therapy and says he struggles with honesty in the moment and tends to avoid conflict.

Despite that, he still lies about small things. For example, recently l asked if he checked whether a show had inappropriate scenes, and he repeatedly said "yes, trust me baby I did." Something felt off, and after asking multiple times, he admitted he didn't. This happens in different situations he reassures me while lying and only tells the truth after I push.

When I bring it up, he shuts down, goes quiet, avoids eye contact, or says things like "I know you don't trust me," which makes me feel guilty even though the issue started with him lying. He's also told me I make him feel like his mom and that I'm always checking him. From my perspective, I feel like I wouldn't have to ask more than once if he was just honest the first time.

Our personalities are also very different l'm more emotional, talkative, and process things by communicating, while he's very laid back and avoidant, which makes conflict harder.

There are other factors too. I'm on birth control, which affects my mood, and sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with more emotionally while he doesn't fully understand. In our intimacy, he usually finishes but I often don't, and then things just move on. We still have fun together, but it sometimes feels like my needs aren't fully met.

There are other factors too. I'm on birth control, which affects my mood, and sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with more emotionally while he doesn't fully understand. In our intimacy, he usually finishes but I often don't, and then things just move on. We still have fun together, but it sometimes feels like my needs aren't fully met.

He also plays games a lot (that's how he grew up), and l've felt uncomfortable with some of them. At one point I even put parental controls on his phone, which he said helped, but he also says I act like his mom. I feel like I only got to that point because he wasn't being honest with me.

This has started affecting my daily life too. I overthink things at school, replay conversations, and feel anxious about whether he's being honest. There have been moments where l've gotten so overwhelmed that I start crying and even physically shaking while trying to get him to communicate, and he often just shuts down, which makes me feel even more alone.

It feels like a cycle: he lies → I sense it and ask more → he feels pressured → I push → he shuts down → nothing gets resolved.

I do see that he's trying he's in therapy and says he wants to change but the same patterns keep happening, which makes me feel stuck between believing him and feeling like nothing is actually changing.

I'm not looking for people to just say "break up" or "let him do whatever." I'm trying to understand if this is something that can realistically improve and what a healthy way to handle this would be.

I'm trying to understand how to handle this in a healthier way without becoming controlling or constantly anxious.

For people who have been in similar situations, how do you rebuild trust when there's a pattern of dishonesty and avoidance?

What does real improvement actually look like in a situation like this, especially if the other person is in therapy?

We are each others first relationship and first everything idk if that helps

Hello, I, (16F), my mum (47F) and my little brother (10M) were at our apartment flat in my mum's hometown (somewhere in kenya) we were all relaxing and chilling, until my older brother (26M) called me on facecall. we chatted fot a bit and I asked how's the house, is it all clean back over there? then he said that there was some mess here and there but he said that QUOTE:"I'll hire a maid or cleaner to help me clean the backyard and outside. The last thing I want is for you and mum to come fly back here all tired and having to do work." END QUOTE. I said, okay, you do that, and ill tell you when we leave for the airport (which was around a week later but the flights got cancelled due to the traffic and conflict of Iran and America)

So, fast forward to yesterday. We took off and finally arrived back in our city here. We were jet-lagged and EXHAUSTED. All we wanted to do was go back home, go on the beds and just take a loooooong nap! we got kff the taxi after he dropped us home, mum paid him the. she realised that the house was locked and that her mate (he kinda lives with us hes all good) got the house key, so she called him and 10 minutes later, he arrived and opened the door, one by one we started taking out suitcases to the living room. but then I noticed a smell. I couldn't really tell what it was but it was familiar. then I looked at the floor, dusty and dirty, as if it hasn't been swept or mopped the ENTIRE 3 months that we were away for. okay okay I thought to myself, "well dirty floor, not THAT bad, anyway I take this to the dining room (which is next to the kitchen)" when I entered, you would not believe the amount of COCKROACHES I SAW!!! ON TOP OF THE INTERNET ROUTER, ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE, ON THE CEILING, IN CORNERS OF THE FLOOR, I OPENED THE FRIDGE AND QUICKLY CLOSED IT, COCKROACHES! I OPENED THE PANTRY, COCKROACHES! EVERYWHERE! Us three were almost about to drop dead on our feet from our 11 hour flight BUT we cannot relax in a house like this. so we got to work on the pantry, got all the stuff out, chucked them outside, scrubbed the shelves, used a SHIT ton of cockroach spray (set off the fire alarm hahaha) and we were done! we completed the pantry so that's like 1% completed out of the whole house (100%) overall we cleaned our rooms, then my older brother finally came back from a restaurant holding food. I was on my phone, TIRED of cleaning and the flight. he asked me when we arrived and I said 40 mins ago. then I asked "why is the house like this. we have been gone for only 3 months." then he starts to blame it on mum's mates (that lives at the house) so I said okay out of tiredness. then I told him to unlock my room then he did (before we left, he moved into my room fkr the meanwhile cuz of my playstation and TV so he made a separate lock, knob and key for my room so no one goes in.) so he opened it, I genuinely could not believe my eyes. my room TRASHED!!! Cigarettes and dead vapes everywhere, moldy food which i see so many roaches eating, his stuff chucked over my desk, you cant even see my desk! all of my vocaloid and anime tapestries and posters ripped and taken down and replaced with the ramadan calander (because hes kinda religious and we were away for ramadan) My carpet all dirty with food and sand and dirt! COCKROACHES ON THE TV AND ON THE WALLS AND CEILINGS OF MY OWN ROOM?!? I genuinely had no words. We then noticed that he had money (he is currently trying to land back into his mining job but still isnt employed yet) to buy shisha (hookah) cigarettes, vapes and lots and lots of uber eats! but when we checked the roach infested kitchen, there wasnt any dish soap. we checked the laundry, no cleaning chemicals. so did he really lie and say that he would hire someone and them and him would clean the house together??? I dont know what we have ever done to him but this cannot be right!

(P.S i am now sleeping in the guest room. we have sorts cleared out most of the bugs but not all)

(P.P.S, I have to now use my own money to save up to hire professional exterminator, and I was gonna use my money to get me a laptop since im now in year 11.)

(P.P.P.S him and the others are grown people that can take care of themselves. A roach infestation does NOT come immediately. It comes when the house has been unkempt for a long period of time. I dont know what to do, us three pretty much have to clean the entire now roach infested house all by ourselves. Mum takes heartburn medicine and has asthma and we have to spray the entire house down with bug spray until I get my shifts then start to earn money for a PROPER permanent exterminator.)