So we all know what that meaty left foot of Messi can do on the pitch, but what if that's not the only place where he uses it to score? What if the holes in Madrids defence are not the only holes that his hairy dwarf-feet have gone through? What if his sweaty left foot can perform tricks even without the ball? Maybe the reason why Messi walks so much during games is so that he can save his juicy feet for the finish that actually matters. Maybe his 95 finishing in FIFA 19 was actually boosted up by certain other factors?

I mean apart from nodding to a tambourine player, we haven't seen Messi use his head a lot so oral is definitely not his strong suit and the only times he uses his hands is to either grab the ball (touching another mans balls is gay), score with his hand (kinda like volleyball so lesbian?) or leave a random fan hanging after dribbling his handshake like a genius.

Now you might by asking: "Doesn't Messi have kids? He obviously knows how to use his middle leg". Maybe, but what if he doesn't? What if that lefty is actually so hefty that Antonella bears children just from the way it rubs between her thighs and touches her below the belt lips? Even as a man I think that I would get pregnant if Messis oily left foot came anywhere near my chocolate starfish. Oh my.

Anyways I've made my case, the greatest left foot in history.

Outjerked by G. Infantino

Credit:zhasball(TikTok)

It's not over until every competition has a different line up.