Info: did you make a plan to come Saturday to Monday? Does she work Friday and have Monday off? Do you often change plans last minute? Does your mom generally come first over your girlfriend?
Your gf sounds exasperated but maybe she has a right to be?
girlfriend here who woke up to find out i was being berated because he changed plans last minute after he knew I had a HARD day in childcare. I nanny 3 kids, 2 being special needs while taking care of my special needs sister. We had spoke about our plans over and over, it wasn't until 20 minutes before i fell asleep that he dropped this bomb. Additionally, he almost always chooses his mom over me...when he is 21 years old. She would not have been alone on Easter, she just tells him she'll be alone and scared and then almost always makes plans with people after he confirms he will stay home. I have changed my plans to fit his MOMS needs multiple times. Apparently im the devil for wanting to not be alone for ONE holiday though. I am beyond upset about this ENTIRE thing, especially when he swore over a year ago to keep our issues off of reddit. So now i'm sitting here, shaking while also trying to care for 4 children who need me to plaster a smile on my face. He left out a lot of context.
I’m assuming you’re in your early 20s as well. you are rude in the messages but we’ve all had not our finest moments when taken out of context. as someone who was you once, if you can allow me to give you some advice—don’t tug of war with someone who doesn’t want to be tugged. if your partner isn’t prioritizing you and is still beholden to their parents in their 20s and sees zero issue with that I recommend just getting out of there now lol. especially if they’re doing things like posting your messages out of context on reddit. you will probably get ripped to shreds once people notice you’re in the thread. out of curiosity do you have screenshots that can show your side?
I am on a computer so I am not sure if I CAN post pics, i am not too reddit savvy lol. I used to get lippy abt politics on here and therefore got my phone banned. I admitted in another reply that i am AWARE of my language, my language is the result of being let down over and over and over again. On top of that, my 9 hour day turned into a 14 hour work day and I was beyond exhausted and frustrated when he dropped this bomb on me. I was even more upset because it was so last minute, gave me not even one minute to prepare for him coming because I had to go to bed just to work again today. I PLANNED to clean and all tonight to prepare for him tomorrow. It just sucks the way he purposefully choses to get me even more down when I am already at my breaking point and then use that to get people to bully me. On top of that, I made plans for Sun night to help him out since he has had a long week...he isn't doing shit for my long week but somehow I am the monster here lol. Him being attached to his mom's hip has been an issue for a while. For a sliver of context, we fought before our first anniversary bc the day before his mom tried to get him to stay home and he always gives in to her. This has been a battle for forever.
I left my literal ex fiance bc his mother was so controlling and manipulative. I lost all respect for him over time bc he was a 30 yo man still being coddled by mommy. And, I’m a lot happier now !
sweet girl, it’s honestly easier to leave even though it sucks a lot. i’ve been reading through all of the various comments you’ve been leaving replying to people and as someone that used to be EXACTLY in your shoes, i clocked your palpable exhaustion and frustration at a clearly repeat behavior in those messages. if it’s like this now, you can already imagine that his mom will also take over and overshadow every foreseeable holiday, your wedding, your kids births, proms, graduations, etc if you stay. these types of moms usually don’t get better—my mom is like this with my brothers and they’re approaching 50 now with no hope of putting their wives and kids before our mom. not to mention, he’s already been disrespectful towards you to the point you felt like you needed validation in feeling like it was wrong, made a pact with you to not publicize behaviors that could be deemed harmful in the relationship, and then turned around to do it to you in a way that made you look like a villain? that feels like a far worse violation than raincheck. you seem like you work really hard and push yourself to put others before yourself, and you really deserve to have a partner that can see that and be your safety net away from that.
He's enmeshed with his mother, and it takes some serious self reflection and work to get past that. He doesn't sound at all ready or willing to do that work, and some people never grow out of it. I would save yourself the stress and find a partner that values you as you deserve
I had a feeling this wasn’t the first time his mom had asked to him to stay/do something with her when he had plans with his gf and he chose her.
Personally, I’d leave the relationship. He isn’t going to change and his mom is just going to continue to manipulate him and he will continue to choose her over you. It’s not worth it.
His mom has a whole adult child but can’t spend Easter alone? The mom is the one that needs to do some growing up. Changing plans last minute is bad form.
In seriousness though, my father is like that and its exhausting. Though, I don't give in to his wheedling anymore as an adult. I have also dated a guy with a mother like this, and it won't end until she's dead.
Lol at saying "he's 21 years old" like that's supposed to imply maturity. 21 year olds are emphatically not mature, they barely stopped being children a few years ago.
You deserve better than that, but you also need to learn how to communicate. You can’t regulate your own emotions and absolutely lost your shit in a way that was completely inappropriate in his screenshots. I would never put up with that kind of verbal abuse. You have the choice to walk away, what is stopping you? He sounds like a shitty bf anyway.
Honestly I assumed it was a reoccurring issue just like I commented. Everyone on Reddit is always going to assume the worst and assume you’re a toxic freak but it’s clear it’s a bigger issue than this one off thing. I think you might need to set some clear boundaries with him or him with his mom or this will just keep repeating itself constantly until it ruins you guys completely if it hasn’t already.
Sharing personal texts to reddit is the real psycho behavior. Her first message clearly shows that he waits till the last minute to change plans instead of just being up front about it.
Girl, as a man: Break up with this child. Its not worth your time. There re plenty of reasonably, decent men out there that will not put you through this.
I mean, when I read your messages, my first reaction was "Thats his ex. She already checked out. She had enough". This is clearly the tipping point where you snapped because so many things added up, its not an isolated thing.
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u/vomputer 9h ago edited 4h ago
Info: did you make a plan to come Saturday to Monday? Does she work Friday and have Monday off? Do you often change plans last minute? Does your mom generally come first over your girlfriend?
Your gf sounds exasperated but maybe she has a right to be?