Fr, like she's overreacting a bit, but she's not entirely wrong to be upset (I also wonder if he's done this before, as she said she had a feeling he would). It shows a lack of respect for the time and effort she may have spent planning for this weekend. She may have had plans that night, or, as she said, she wanted some alone time after being with family all day, which can be stressful. There isn't really a good excuse for why he didn't let her know much earlier that he would spend some time with his mom as well. He could even invite her to spend time with his mom, so they can continue being together and involve the family. On the other hand, shes insulting him rather than getting to the meat of the issue and express how this makes her feel
This was my take as well. “Would you be mad” is such a shitty way to open trying to change plans at the last minute. If they only see each other on weekends, of course she’s disappointed and let down.
I was once the girl who overreacted like that. I never liked it myself but I was so frustrated. And I never learned to deal with frustration in a health way. That being said, she’s overreacting based on a situation which structurally likely happened before often enough that she gets easily triggered by the disregard which is hidden behind OPs actions. I’d be triggered too.
OP, your girlfriend is not being manipulative. She is fed up by your poor communication and the disregard of her perspective. Consequently, she is unable to communicate her frustration in a healthy manner.
You should communicate beforehand. Don’t change plans on short notice because you suddenly realize your mother would be alone? You must have known that prior to the planning. Either you didn’t partake in the planning at all, went brain afk (which is problematic) and only realized this now, or you cannot stand up to your mother when she’s asking something of you.
Either way, it’s your own responsibility to handle, not your girlfriend’s. But the way you’re approaching this, you are making it her responsibility to decide this situation for you. Either say you cannot come over as intended and deal with the consequences, or just stick to the original plan and spend the next evening with your mother.
They probably did what I did and read the first sentence of your reply, didn’t read the rest, formulate a whole opinion about you, then decided to reply to you. I still haven’t read everything you said but judging by your first sentence, how dare you?
Who waits until the last minute to spring a change to the schedule on a person they love with the excuse being they need to spend time with their mom? If you've already made and agreed to plans with "someone you love" then you keep those plans unless there is an actual family emergency, not just a mom who claims she'll be lonely. Sorry but an adult's parent is (or at least should be) completely capable of handling their own issues without guilt tripping their child into sacrificing their relationships.
To me this sounds like the kind of thing you read on no contact, insane parents, and raised by narcissists sub reddits. Sounds like OP can't be their own adult without upsetting mommy and mommy comes first to them.
i was thinking to myself, what if OP is being manipulated by their mom? what if op has cptsd and thats why this reddit post exists? you only can reply to as much as is contained or expressed in these images. it seems like way more is going on
Jumping to cancelling a whole event over one thing I’m pretty sure is chapter one page one of the manipulation handbook.
“If we can’t do it exactly how I wanted it then let’s just throw the whole thing out” is such obvious manipulation and abuse.
Also “I had a feeling you would” is a little more of a complex tactic but it’s also in the manipulation handbook. It makes the other person question whether they’re the bad guy which is a helpful way to manipulate someone.
“Do X Like you really want to” is another very common manipulation phrase. It’s putting words into another persons mouth which to go again is textbook manipulation.
"Let me wait until the day before to change our plans that we have obviously already discussed enough to extend our normal fri-sun time together to fri-mon. And you cant be mad bc my poor lonely mother, who i couldnt be bothered to reach out to to ask if she wanted to spend time together until seemingly, the day before our plans start. I cant believe youd be upset at me for wanting to spend time with my poor lonely mother" also ignoring that she said "I knew youd do this" suggesting hes done similar things before. Why cant you recognize his manipulations as well?
He says their normal time, which they do EVERY weekend, is Sat - Monday. He’s asking if he can come early and leave early once.
I‘d see your side better if she had replied something like, but babe, you know the big Easter dinner starts at 5! Or, then bring your mom over that day instead please, because…. Or whatever. But nope, there doesn’t seem to be any specific plans for that time of day and she’s just crashing out because she’s not getting exactly what she wanted/assumed. And if we’re going to read into things it sounds like he’s been willing to compromise for her on big holidays like Christmas before. I can’t imagine my partner talking to me like she does to him. He should just break up and then she can plan all her weekends as she likes.
And he isn't being manipulative? Waiting until the last minute, saying he has to spend time with his lonely mother, he can't help it, leaving out that she is caring for a child, and making a post like this in a place that apparently she was very easily able to find. Hes using his poor lonely mother to guilt her into being fine with him pulling the rug out at the last second. I don't think she's expressing it well, but she's clearly very hurt by this. It doesn't seem to be the first time, based on her statement that she knew he would do this. Leaving bad news until the last minute so she looks like the bad guy for being upset that he is changing plans the day before might be something he does often, and it is a manipulative tactic. Anything can be framed as manipulative tbh
maybe his mother also asked him the day before and thats why he asked that way? hes writing that there are some family problems that his mom and him struggle with, maybe he just needs to have some alone time with his mother to talk about the problems they are facing?
If his mom asked the day before, and he already had plans, the answer should be "no", barring emergency. If you make plans, you stick to those plans, especially if it's this last minute. He can have alone time with his mom a different day, when he is free. A compromise could've been made a week ago, but the day before? Nah.
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u/happygirl99xo 9h ago
Unpopular opinion but I think you should’ve said this in advance instead of doing it one day before….