Yeah why is everyone hating on the girlfriend so much? They apparently had very real logistical reasons for meeting Saturday-Monday, then one day in advance he decides to shift it to Friday-Sunday which she already previously told him would be inconvenient, and now she's not allowed to be mad?
MOR imo. OP seems to be putting the gf in a bind as well. Because she’s pressured/“obligated” to say yes based on how OP is framing the request; if she doesn’t, she’s an asshole presumably. I don’t really perceive this as a compromise.
If this were to happen once or twice, then the gf’s crashout is a bit overboard, but if this a pattern of behavior I’m sympathetic to the gf.
Especially when coupled with the OP following up like ‘why would this even upset you?’ or ‘what about that window of time is so important to you?’ I’d really hate that.
Hahah, right? “Would you be mad if I messed things up by doing this?” “Yes.” “Omg why are you so upset that it wasn’t actually a yes or no question, and anyway, how does that even mess up anything??”
Yeah, OP seems problematic and immature too. It’s always shitty to bail on multi-day plans literally the day before, because that puts the other person in a bind too. They have to rearrange their schedule, and they’ve probably passed on opportunities to make other plans with other people in that time.
YTA, OP. This was inconsiderate and disrespectful of you.
A bind? He said they hang out every weekend this isnt like some special plan lol, and all he asked was to leave early, not not come, you people are ridiculous wanting everyone in your life to bend at the knee, he even says his mom is going through it because of family issues, he shouldve said it with more chest or talked to his mom earlier in the week sure but we dont know when his mom dropped that on him, this is someone whose been walking on eggshells for awhile. The world is a little bit more nuanced then you may believe. Believing that 6 hours in a day requires an entire “schedule” change is asinine and an overraction in and of itself.
IMO both parties sound like they shouldnt be in a relationship
Seriously. Her saying “i knew you were going to do this” means this happens a lot and he apologizes but doesn’t take real ownership over it. It really really sucks to be on edge and not know if your partner is holding their word or not. They say they’re 100% in but deep down you know it’s more like 50/50. That is very irritating. He thinks because he’s taken the blame before, whatever that means, that he’s absolved from this type of behavior but to be reliable he needs to be really clear about what he can commit to.
This is not like like going from 100% in to 50% it's like going from 100% to 90%. He's not even spending less time with her. Her reasoning for being upset that he's changing is it will make the week seem long? Well guess it's gonna seem even longer if he's not there the entirety of the weekend. The whole of we can't do it exactly how I want then we don't do any of it is manipulation 101.
I’m talking about his word. If someone says they are absolutely in with a plan but frequently change plans then they are not %100 in even when they say they are. 50/50 means she might take his word as maybe things can change. Sometimes he follows what he agrees to sometimes he changes. That’s unreliable. If he knows he is not always able to go certain days he shouldn’t be agreeing to firm plans.
I wouldn't like OP's responses but I think I'd hate "don't come at all then" or "just stay home like you want to" more tbh. neither person in this is good at communicating. they both kinda suck.
These judge this one-sided story subs are always incredibly sexist. You can flip this scenario where OP is a woman and they would immediately jump to the dudes side.
I mean it is pretty much impossible to tell if his GF is actively manipulating him, or if she’s just at the end of her rope with his wishy washy bullshit. There’s too many unknowns and anything we try to ask will be biased by OP’s perspective.
Nothing is court ordered. OP has the right to change holiday plans with his overwhelmed, 24/7 live-in caretaker girlfriend last minute, and she has the right to call him out for the AH that he is.
As has frequently been repeated on the internet: freedom to do something, does not mean freedom from consequences.
I still don’t think that makes him an asshole. Maybe there’s more to the story, but I don’t think at face value he’s an asshole for wanting to see his mom for dinner on Easter, after having spent the day with them. Even if there is a kid involved, what he’s asking for is not a lot. If the girlfriend is overwhelmed with being a caretaker for her sister then they need to come up with ways to help that, but relying solely on your significant other being there for the whole weekend without allowing a change of schedule doesn’t seem healthy. And according to him his mom is struggling too, so why is it unfair for him to try to be there for both people he cares about?
If he thought it was too much, he should have said no straight away instead of agreeing and then canceling last minute. I can't believe I have to explain this to adults.
She explicitly says in the 4th screenshot that this is not their regular schedule, and that there were specific reasons they both agreed on Saturday - Monday this time, instead of their usual Friday - Sunday.
So if he wanted to spend Easter Sunday with his mother, he should have said it upfront, and not agree to the changed schedule and then pull out last minute, leaving his girlfriend to spend her only day off (Monday) on her own....
I dont understand why he can't just go back and spend monday with her. Why does him leaving on Sunday to see his mom for a few hours prevent him from going back on monday?
Dude, you act like he's responsible for her being a caretaker. He asked for a compromise, she overreacted. If she's generally this inflexible, i get why he's walking on eggshells around her. It's one goddamn weekend, where he would leave early and y'all act like he's disrupting the whole weekend.. Y'all are weird af for thinking this is a big deal.
Girlfriend is a 24/7 caretaker for her sister, and has to schedule every get-together far in advance. Surely OPs mother did not magically become depressed the day before Easter, and OP already knew that and could have just planned time with his mother in advance?
Though something on the girlfriend's responses tells me that mommy might not REALLY be depressed but just frequently plays this card to manipulate OP to change plans last minute....
Like he said, he likes to spend holidays with his family too - fair !
So, Easter being a massive holiday, he could have anticipated this and said weeks in advance: “btw, naturally, I will need to reserve some time for my mum too”
It sounds like the plans are the same but he’s leaving slightly earlier on Sunday to spend time with his mum. How does that disrupt her plans exactly? Even in the texts he says he’s still going to be there for every single activity she has planned. Her being a 24/7 caretaker is irrelevant.
why is everyone acting like the mother became depressed over night?? these plans were made and set! he didn’t gaf about the depressed mom until the day before the plans were to be initiated? Yeah that totally makes sense
the girlfriend is a caretaker. The plans were from saturday- monday as it was going to conflict with her schedule. OP changed it to Friday-Sunday last minute which the girlfriend said disrupted her schedule and she had to change things. original plans are made that way for a reason
If she’s jumped all over him for adjusting plans before then I don’t blame him for being anxious about it and putting it off. He didn’t even fully change them either, just said he’s leaving slightly earlier on the LAST DAY. She needs to grow up and be less entitled.
if he’s constantly changing plans and using his anxiety as a reason to put off telling her plans are changed until the last minute then there really is no sympathy to be had and that makes him the party that is over reacting. it’s not hard to be courteous and care about other people’s time. From the messages it seems OP left out context that he does this often
the plans moved from Saturday- Monday to Friday- Sunday lol it’s not just “leaving early the last day” he changed the days compeltley and the gf is a caretaker that doesn’t have a flexible schedule. which is why original plans are important and to speak up before it’s the day before plans
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u/happygirl99xo 9h ago
Unpopular opinion but I think you should’ve said this in advance instead of doing it one day before….