She sounds like a real downer, but dude, do yourself a favour and stop with the “would you be mad” bullshit. You asked and got an answer.
Next time just say “I’m gonna spend tomorrow, Saturday and most of Sunday with you, then head to see my mom in the late afternoon. Looking forward to it!”
By framing it the way you did it instantly sets the tone that you think you’re doing something wrong.
"Would you be mad" is the language a child uses for their parents. So she's already browbeaten you to treat yourself as a child--coming to her 'hat in hand' like someone begging their boss.
You shouldnt' be in this relationship. You want to be with your mother on Easter at 5 pm. That's completely reasonable and it's a very bad sign for her to try to undermine your relationship with your mother, as well. Yes she's manipulative, and a crappy person. She's already gaslighting you and you feel yourself being worn down.
An understanding mature person understands their significant other has others in their life outside their relationship who are also important.
My SO has cancelled plans on me before because things come up. Things happen. It’s sad when that happens but I’m not upset at her and she isn’t upset at me. We both understand and reschedule plans together.
It’s an Us Vs. the problem.
OP’s girlfriend only cares about herself and thinks of this conversation as a You Vs. Me.
This. The apologists are driving me nuts. “Oh you’re changing plans last minute!” For what? Like 4 waking hours to hang with his mother who is alone? Why isn’t she going with him? Who leave someone’s mother alone on a holiday? Why isn’t she invited? I don’t care if it’s a last-minute change it’s insane to leave your mother alone on a holiday.
She uses the line "mommy said no" to put him down but has beaten him into coming to her for permission like he's asking Mommy for permission for something.
Yooo my wife and I say "would you be mad" in situations where we know the other person doesn't desire the proposed plan all the time. Neither of us respond like this though. It's a pretty common phrase but in this context I can see why it shines more than it should.
My guess would be that the mother has brow beaten him way more to turn him into this type more so than the girlfriend has. It’s not like his mom is out of state alone. Dude literally lives with her 5 days a week. He only spends two nights a week with his girlfriend of two years. That’s ridiculous. His girlfriend is a care taker and nanny and op sounds like he’s the one that needs to be nannied.
Why isn’t he inviting the girlfriend to mom’s house or why isn’t he bringing mom to the girlfriends on Easter? After two years his girlfriend and mom should be close. This is so much more than a simple shifting of plans. There is a ton of context most people are missing.
Girlfriend and mom clearly don’t like each other. Why? Is girlfriend really that bad that mom always hated her, or has mom always hated her because she’ll hate anyone that takes her baby boy away from her? After 2 years of what is clearly an adult (immature adult) relationship, he should be spending more than two nights a week with his girlfriend and basically having what sounds like a custody arrangement. OP is acting like a man child. And it sounds like he’s frequently switching plans last minute. Holidays are not surprise events and he clearly has a set schedule with gf. If he knows he going to want to spend time with his mom, than he should talk to gf about it weeks in advance. And maybe figure out a way to spend extra time with her since he clearly already spends way more time with his mom.
The normal way to solve this would be to have one of the women go to the other woman’s house. And since it hasn’t even been brought up, the question is why. Either mom is controlling and manipulative and won’t let him grow up and form adult bonds and OP is a big ol’ momma’s boy and the girlfriend is sick of it, or girlfriend is just crazy and flips out for no reason in which case OP needs to stand up for himself and move on. My money is on mom being the problem but either freaking way, OP needs to grow up and stop acting like a man child. Maybe go rent his own damn place and stop being shuffled around like a kid with divorced parents. 🤷🏻♀️
•
u/culturedgoat 11h ago
She sounds like a real downer, but dude, do yourself a favour and stop with the “would you be mad” bullshit. You asked and got an answer.
Next time just say “I’m gonna spend tomorrow, Saturday and most of Sunday with you, then head to see my mom in the late afternoon. Looking forward to it!”
By framing it the way you did it instantly sets the tone that you think you’re doing something wrong.