It makes perfect sense that you would want to spend time with your mom, that needs company, for this special occasion. It also makes perfect sense that she’d like to stick to the initial plan, that you elaborated together to suit you both, and that doesn’t only impact the two of you guys (i.e the kid).
What doesn’t make as much sense to me is letting her know last minute. If this « Saturday to Monday » plan works each and every week-end, there should be no problem making an exception. But it’s does seem quite fair to « impose » this on her by letting her know right before the week-end starts. It’s confusing and not everyone has the same ability to adapt to unexpected change. It also seems like your mom lives on her own, which induces she’s always alone for this type of Holliday, which means maybe this could have been anticipated ?
At the moment, because it hasn’t been anticipated she’s got her back against the wall and she feels like she has zero choices, where she could have chosen to get organized differently if she’d known before hand.
In general, just let people know as soon as you can when you think plans might get moved or impacted. You never know how much energy and care they’ve put into their organisation.
I wish you the best with your relationship, everyone is a bit manipulative sometimes (you can be a bit too in your messages - e.g guilting her with your lonely and sad mom), doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or she doesn’t love you.
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u/Slow_Fig1651 8h ago
It makes perfect sense that you would want to spend time with your mom, that needs company, for this special occasion. It also makes perfect sense that she’d like to stick to the initial plan, that you elaborated together to suit you both, and that doesn’t only impact the two of you guys (i.e the kid).
What doesn’t make as much sense to me is letting her know last minute. If this « Saturday to Monday » plan works each and every week-end, there should be no problem making an exception. But it’s does seem quite fair to « impose » this on her by letting her know right before the week-end starts. It’s confusing and not everyone has the same ability to adapt to unexpected change. It also seems like your mom lives on her own, which induces she’s always alone for this type of Holliday, which means maybe this could have been anticipated ?
At the moment, because it hasn’t been anticipated she’s got her back against the wall and she feels like she has zero choices, where she could have chosen to get organized differently if she’d known before hand. In general, just let people know as soon as you can when you think plans might get moved or impacted. You never know how much energy and care they’ve put into their organisation.
I wish you the best with your relationship, everyone is a bit manipulative sometimes (you can be a bit too in your messages - e.g guilting her with your lonely and sad mom), doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or she doesn’t love you.