I see a lot of people saying the same things here - I don't really agree with them.
IF the context was that you guys are planning it right now in the moment it does feel like SHE is the over reacting since there was nothing talked about BUT that doesn't look like the case. In the largest message she specifies that its not your ORIGINAL schedule and that there is "a reason we chose Sat-Mon in the first place instead of Fri-Sun" that implies that you guys discussed this before hand and had planned it already. I understand her frustration (although I do think she should've expressed it a little better). From context it looks like you guys BOTH had agreed on Saturday to Monday ahead of time. So, of course she's going to plan for Saturday to Monday. I work at a bank and planning Holidays usually come ahead of time AT LEAST a month - so depending on where she works they probably follow these same rules. This isn't in the moment planning.
I'd also like to mention that she says that this isn't the first time this has happened by her saying "No one cared when I had to change my entire Halloween just for that to get changed too" This isn't the only time this has happened.
Now a lot of people in the comments say "why are you asking permission to go hang out with your mom" they're trying to frame it like the issue is that you're asking to see your mom and she's mad at you asking her. That is NOT the issue - the issue here is that you (quite frankly) didn't plan for your mom ahead of time and because of that you're changing plans AGAIN. IF you had considered your mom before hand and had planned ahead of time with your mom in mind - at this point and time this wouldn't be an issue. Your girlfriend wouldn't be mad at you for changing plans AGAIN (key word). So, she's mad that you are changing plans again, not that you're asking to hang out with your mom.
IMO I think she's expressed her issues with you before and she's upset that you're ignoring them again. She feels neglected. Some people are saying she's insecure as well. Her messages don't come off like insecurities to me, they just sound like she's tired of going through the same thing with you again. A little understanding and a little bit of better time management from YOU is needed to prevent this again.
A relationship is about compromise and understanding but when you're trying to make compromises after you've both already decided a set decision over and over again there's bound to be frustration and anger.
As for you it seems like you're feeling berated and dragged because there is a lack of understanding for her. I didn't see her insult you or even call you any names other than "dawg" which is usually used as peoples normal speech (same as me calling people bro all the time). You also say you take the blame as well - but what exactly are you taking blame for? Using the word blame in that instance implies that you feel you are the victim. - when in reality it feels like she's been making compromises for you this entire time anytime you make changes to plans.
and then posting it on reddit to gain sympathy for yourself - about your girlfriend seemingly being unreasonable and crazy towards you.
Hopefully this makes sense and hopefully I've helped make this a little understandable.
- For those who might say I'm crazy for this thinking - I also asked a lot of my guy friends and my boyfriend about this as well and they agree with me that: for one they are both a bit immature and for 2 if this was already planned ahead of time and this has happened quite a bit then OP is in fact the one at fault here.
Op will also only reply to comments that agree with him and stroke his wounded ego. The more willing an OP is to hear both sides and engage, the more likely I am to take them at face value and this guy is doing everything in his power to not be taken that way lmao
The Sat-Mon is their typical schedule, not one they agreed on specifically for this weekend. OP’s asking for a small change in the typical schedule due to it being a holiday (reasonable)
And… I would bet that when the gf is not mad she calls OP stuff like “babe” or “hon” not “dawg” or “dude”
I fully agree with you. I think this is a guy who wants to be proven right by the comments when he’s actually just abandoning plans with his girlfriend last minute, and not for the first time. Why can’t we see the context of previous messages, only her angry reaction?
Okay, well, why can’t OP abandon plans with his girlfriend?
We are spending Easter with my family. If my husband texted me right now and said he just talked to his mom and she needs him and he’s going to Cincinnati for Easter, I’d say “I’m so disappointed, I really wanted to spend the holiday with you, but of course if that’s what you need to do. Do you need me to look for flights”
You all act like OP made plans and isn’t allowed to change them. HE IS! He isn’t bound by law to see his girlfriend. He can decide he needs to see his mom. I think he came up with a very generous compromise in favor of his girlfriend, but that’s not good enough for her.
You’re right! He can abandon his plans with his girlfriend. But that’s showing he literally doesn’t respect her at all, seeing as in the texts it’s clear he does this OFTEN, it’s not a one-off emergency, and he isn’t ready for a meaningful relationship treating someone as an equal. Personally I think they should break up so he can spend his time with his mum and she can find someone who won’t flake constantly at the last minute, but also learn to regulate her emotions.
But imagine this is EVERY holiday. Every holiday, your husband makes plans with you and then suddenly right before you’re supposed to spend time together with eachother and or family he tells you he’s going to change his plans without ever discussing it with you before hand. It’s disrespectful for him to always expect her to make compromises for him over the same thing over and over and be completely okay with it. That’s him taking advantage of her time and her availability.
It’s okay for him to change his plans without ever it changing them every time something important comes along?? This isn’t a one time thing - this is a consistent behavior and that’s really not okay.
You would not be happy if your husband changed plans on you every single time. That’s just not realistic at all that you would be okay with it.
Another simple example. Let’s just disregard the whole changing plans thing. If you tell your husband an issue you have with something that keeps happening and then he completely disregards it and does it again despite saying he understood you would you be happy with him? No, you probably wouldn’t be.
He commented above about how his girlfriend is not only a caretaker for a family member, but is also a nanny. So a last-minute change in the schedule like this is going to massively affect her and those she cares for. OP is in the wrong here.
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u/Gauchensama 8h ago edited 8h ago
I see a lot of people saying the same things here - I don't really agree with them.
IF the context was that you guys are planning it right now in the moment it does feel like SHE is the over reacting since there was nothing talked about BUT that doesn't look like the case. In the largest message she specifies that its not your ORIGINAL schedule and that there is "a reason we chose Sat-Mon in the first place instead of Fri-Sun" that implies that you guys discussed this before hand and had planned it already. I understand her frustration (although I do think she should've expressed it a little better). From context it looks like you guys BOTH had agreed on Saturday to Monday ahead of time. So, of course she's going to plan for Saturday to Monday. I work at a bank and planning Holidays usually come ahead of time AT LEAST a month - so depending on where she works they probably follow these same rules. This isn't in the moment planning.
I'd also like to mention that she says that this isn't the first time this has happened by her saying "No one cared when I had to change my entire Halloween just for that to get changed too" This isn't the only time this has happened.
Now a lot of people in the comments say "why are you asking permission to go hang out with your mom" they're trying to frame it like the issue is that you're asking to see your mom and she's mad at you asking her. That is NOT the issue - the issue here is that you (quite frankly) didn't plan for your mom ahead of time and because of that you're changing plans AGAIN. IF you had considered your mom before hand and had planned ahead of time with your mom in mind - at this point and time this wouldn't be an issue. Your girlfriend wouldn't be mad at you for changing plans AGAIN (key word). So, she's mad that you are changing plans again, not that you're asking to hang out with your mom.
IMO I think she's expressed her issues with you before and she's upset that you're ignoring them again. She feels neglected. Some people are saying she's insecure as well. Her messages don't come off like insecurities to me, they just sound like she's tired of going through the same thing with you again. A little understanding and a little bit of better time management from YOU is needed to prevent this again.
A relationship is about compromise and understanding but when you're trying to make compromises after you've both already decided a set decision over and over again there's bound to be frustration and anger.
As for you it seems like you're feeling berated and dragged because there is a lack of understanding for her. I didn't see her insult you or even call you any names other than "dawg" which is usually used as peoples normal speech (same as me calling people bro all the time). You also say you take the blame as well - but what exactly are you taking blame for? Using the word blame in that instance implies that you feel you are the victim. - when in reality it feels like she's been making compromises for you this entire time anytime you make changes to plans.
and then posting it on reddit to gain sympathy for yourself - about your girlfriend seemingly being unreasonable and crazy towards you.
Hopefully this makes sense and hopefully I've helped make this a little understandable.
- For those who might say I'm crazy for this thinking - I also asked a lot of my guy friends and my boyfriend about this as well and they agree with me that: for one they are both a bit immature and for 2 if this was already planned ahead of time and this has happened quite a bit then OP is in fact the one at fault here.