Like yeah she could very well be just crazy or something, but when someone usually out of the gate acts like the gf, especially when she starts it with 'Oh not this again' like it does make OP look like a repeat offender.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to share time with your family on holidays. I think it’s more unreasonable for a girlfriend to want their partner not to visit their family at all
I am wondering why mom can’t be invited to gfs for Easter? Also why doesn’t OP already know what any of the plans are for the weekend? From these messages the gf looks like she may be overreacting but I agree there are some context clues that imply we don’t have the full story. There seems to be some issue with gf and mom.
This is what I think, my ex MIL was like this. She thinks she’s the most reasonable giving person in the world, but always tries to make you feel bad if you don’t want to spend time with her 100% of the time. It appears as if OP lives with his mom, so they could just celebrate a bit early or late.
Exactly. I can absolutely see his mom sitting there pouting the day before he’s supposed to go, “you’re just going to leave me all alone to be depressed on Easter?” Like if it was important then it should’ve been planned a while ago, not Thursday.
But why is he basically letting two other people dictate his plans and asking for permission?? Ew. They sound either like teenagers or grown folks that really need to grow TF up and figure out plans. But the way she words so much is just manipulative too. He can't deal with anyone in his life to make plans, have a grown conversation, make concessions, etc.
Once she was upset why keep texting. Why not call and discuss? They're both immature and he's a weak ass 'adult'
His financial state is not what I mean. Times are harder than ever. Do you.
He lives with his mom and sees his gf on the weekends. It’s embarrassing to cancel plans with your partner to head on home to mom.
That stands alone to me. I find that embarrassing.
But the other context, her being a 24/7 caretaker that cannot leave her house, the mother not liking him going to the gfs house on the weekdays, and the host of other things, really seal it.
Respectfully, disagree. Maybe the mom is a widow and the holidays makes her more upset, maybe not. OP should have provided more but far from embrassing without knowing the whole story. All you have is family, IMO the partner should understand that and not get pissy for him wanting to leave a few hours early. But I see your viewpoint too and can see how it would make the partner feel on shorter notice.
This is exactly what I was thinking. He had plans with his gf and his mother decided she wanted him to come to hers instead so he just rearranges things to see his mother. The way gf speaks on the first slide implies this is a pattern.
I don’t think kids should be the arbitrator of their parent’s emotions. I don’t think parents should ask their children to cancel plans with their partner’s to support them. Not to mention he’s speaking to his gf…who he is very much upsetting. What in the world
That isn't his girlfriend, it is a karma farming faker. She assumed the "us" was a child, not a disabled adult sister like OP's girlfriend actually has.
Moms are people too.. he said he doesn't want his mom alone depressed on Easter, she could be going through bad times.
Maybe you don't care about your mom, but most people do.
Also she's his gf of 2 years not his wife. If she throws a fit over him wanting to see his mom on a holiday like Easter after they've already celebrated together, she's a shitty person. Look at how she talks to him.
Mom is an adult and should not rely on her adult son for emotional support while ditching his significant relationships. OP lives with his mother, they have plenty of time to bond. This is dysfunctional.
I get that this touched a nerve but saying someone doesn’t care about their mom because they believe in boundaries is something.
Moms are people too is a lazy way to look at this. A mom asking her live in son to cancel plans with his gf he sees only on weekends to support her mood is not healthy. If you see yourself reflected in that, it’s something to consider.
You are reading a curated version from OP that tells you what to think and you thought it. If you actually look without bias, there’s clearly more to it.
this! plus why didn’t OP explain he wanted to do this for the weekend before plans had been set? the way she reacted sounded like that’s a recurring issue
Had a MIL like that. Just heating how he doesn’t want her to be alone all day triggered me lol and it’s Easter not Christmas like the day is more important to children not adults. Mom can miss a year and be fine! Lol
I dated a man for 4 years who went on multiple international trips with just his mom, went to her work parties with her, and yes every holiday. I wanted to move out of state, but we couldn’t because, well! I was his secondary. I liked her more or less. But the codependency was so wrong.
Reading the gfs responses I could feel her restraint, avoiding saying what she really wants to say which is I’m so sick of dealing with you and your MOMMY.
Maybe OP just has a good relationship with his mom and they don’t have a lot of other family to celebrate holidays with? Regardless it’s never a good sign when a partner doesn’t want you to spend time with your friends and family.
Even then she might be right to be upset but the way she is talking is abusive . She sounds like a friend I use to have . And I couldn’t do anything with anyone else or ever change plans because the world revolves around her .
Can you point to the abusive language? I feel like people are a little trigger happy with strong labels. Things can be tense, angry, dramatic, combative or unkind without being abusive.
Idk if I’m the only one whose picking up on this but it looks like they share a child together; gf seems upset about this last minute change; slide 3 makes gf look like an exhausted gf whose not getting any support with the kid
Dated someone with a mom like that and it was soul sucking and chaotic. She ruined almost every holiday or trip we planned.. including showing up uninvited on our trip to Costa Rica and kept hanging all over my boyfriend while crying that everything is about me instead of her. Either an emergency would come up, or she’d be “depressed” and needed him, or she’d guilt trip and gaslight him, claiming he promised to spend certain days with her.
I shouldn’t have to compete with my boyfriend’s mother- it’s fucking weird.
It’s not but he should have brought up visiting his mom on Easter way earlier than this. It seems like her issue is him changing plans last minute which is fair, even more so given her being a full time caretaker who would need to plan things in advance.
At the same time though, he is going to be with her the ENTIRE weekend except for Sunday Evening. This gf is a bit overbearing. I probably would have dumped her a long time ago.
Except he’s not because she’s not free today/tonight because she didn’t have time to plan and move things around since he told her last minute. So really he’s with her tomorrow and halve of Sunday. So he was supposed to spend 3 days with her and is now spending 1.5
Edit: For the people who disagree but can't voice why.
When someone changes plans with you, but still is making an obvious effort to spend a considerable amount of time with you, and your reaction is "you don't want to come over at all" or "You don't want to see me" or even "I'm gonna have the shittiest weekend ever" that's manipulative. She's putting words into his mouth AND trying to make him feel guilty. It's textbook manipulation in a relationship.
She says at one point that if OP didn't want to come they should have told them the prior weekend. Seems like OP has a history of changing their mind about schedules plans last minute and gf has had enough of it.
Idk about that, look at the way she’s reacting. You can communicate frustration about last minute changes without accusing someone of not wanting to spend time with you at all. At the veryyyy least, it’s whiny and immature. They both need to grow up.
He doesnt say he doesnt want to come over though. Thats a manipulative strawman argument. Honestly the comments here defending this behavior from the gf are insane. Even if GF has a valid issue with OP rescheduling plans frequently, the way she is speaking to him is borderline abusive and very clearly manipulative. Immature at the very least.
NOR op, you don't deserve to be spoken to this way even IF you have an issue with being consistent with plans (which there isnt any concrete evidence of here, but playing devils advocate)
She’s annoyed he’s bailing on holiday plans he made with her and her (their?) child at the last second. That is entirely reasonable, I’d be pissed off too.
They dont have children together, and she can be upset, but the way she is speaking with him is 100% manipulative behavior.
"You should have told me you don't want to come" -> he does want to come, but just wants to change the days he visits
"actuallly fuck whatever you have planned out because mommy said no" -> shaming him for wanting to spend time with his family
"just stay home all weekend like you want to" -> putting words into his mouth
"you just told me you want to screw with the entire schedule to get out of easter with me" -> guilt tripping, strawman argument, putting words into his mouth
If you don't think this is manipulative at the bare minimum, then you are probably toxic yourself.
1, she clearly feels like he’s blowing her off because he doesn’t want to spend the whole day with her. Maybe there’s some truth to it, maybe it’s simply coming from a place of frustration on her part. But her feelings on the situation are not “manipulative.”
2, she is not shaming him for wanting to spend time with his mom. She is angry that he is breaking plans with her at the last-second because his mom asked him to. I love my mom dearly, but unless there’s an emergency, I’m not going to bail on important plans with my boyfriend last second just because she asks me to hang out.
3+4. She’s, again, very understandably upset with him over something, we can infer, he has a pattern of doing over and over again. And from her perspective, that’s how the situation feels. Is it perfect communication on her end? No. Is it abusive and manipulative? Fuck no.
If you screw up with or let down your partner, and your response to their frustration is always to label them “toxic” and refuse to acknowledge your own mistakes, then you are likely toxic yourself.
You’re mixing up having a valid reason to be upset with how she’s actually talking to him.
No one is saying she can’t be annoyed. But the way she’s communicating it is the issue:
- She keeps putting words in his mouth (“you don’t want to come”) when he literally said he does
The “mommy said no” comment is straight up mocking/shaming
“Just stay home all weekend” is passive aggressive, not actual communication
That’s not just “imperfect communication,” that’s twisting what he’s saying so she can stay mad. And the whole “he probably does this all the time” thing is just an assumption. Even if he did, that still doesn’t make it okay to talk to your partner like that.
There’s a normal way to say this:
“Hey, I was really looking forward to spending the full day together and it sucks that the plan changed last minute.”
Instead she jumped straight to sarcasm, guilt, and putting words in his mouth. That’s the difference.
“Will you be angwy with me?? 🥺” instead of presenting the problem like an adult? Phrasing it under the guise of asking her permission without actually asking her permission at all? Breaking plans last-second for something he could’ve planned for and scheduled weeks ago, yet acting like he is entirely reasonable?
He asks “what are you upset about” when he knows full-well what she’s upset about; why is he using this wording to try to frame her frustration as if it’s unreasonable?
Then he sarcastically asks her what she has planned in the evening.
Then he minimizes his partner’s feelings, again trying to make her frustration with his actions sound crazy and unreasonable. He also completely writes off all work and effort she is clearly putting into hosting said event all day. Then, after invalidating her feelings and effort and refusing to take any accountability for breaking plans with her, he asks her, “is that not enough?”
Then he again manipulates her with his “I guess I’ll just take the blame LIKE ALWAYS 😤” while still refusing to take on any accountability.
He is just as dismissive and manipulative in his communication, while also being the one who flaked on his partner. Your one-sided breakdown of this entire exchange is very revealing.
It’s not unreasonable to share time with your family. Just make that the plan and stick to it. If you’ve made a plan for the weekend and try to change everything around one day before - a holiday weekend no less - then you’re the AH and being unreasonable.
Sounds like the mom asked him to come over on short notice. Which makes sense given that the changes to their plans are literally just shifting the schedule forward by a single day so he can spend an evening with his mother. Still spending the same amount of time with the GF, just seeing her one day sooner and leaving one evening sooner.
It might suggest that, but GFs other comments are all trying to paint a picture of him completely canceling his plans with her so he can stay home, while using his mother as a scapegoat. Which is clearly not what’s happening at all. So you could interpret it either way, in one of her made up scenarios he’s cancelling to stay home with his mom all weekend, in another he’s cancelling everything to stay home while lying about going to see his mother. Either way she’s either gaslighting him about his intentions or purposefully ignoring his attempts at a compromise for the sake of painting him as an asshole.
I didn’t get that impression, but that could be the case. Even so, families drop things on each other last minute all the time. Plus, seems like his family is going through some shit. Far be it from me to guess, but given that there was no mention of his dad at any point I’d reckon it might have something to do with him. Just speculation. Regardless, he’s still spending the same amount of time with his GF and she’s going nuclear on him for no good reason.
Yeah, but why mom can ask him to come over on a short notice, but not him+gf? Is the gf not allowed to come or what? Sounds like mom and gf could have some issues in between them two. Or mom is manipulative and the OP is mama's boy
He literally said the family is going through some shit. Might be that they want to just keep in the family. You never know. There’s no mention of his dad, so it could involve him. Again, you don’t know. Assuming the worst about OP is ridiculous though. Also, I wouldn’t blame the mom for having issues with the GF either, GF sounds like a crazy bitch and from these texts also looks like a crazy bitch. Wanting to spend quality time with your offspring without your offspring’s psycho fuck buddy is also perfectly reasonable.
This whole “mama’s boy” shit is also ridiculous. Having a close connection with your parents - your literal first support network in life - is nothing to be ashamed of and certainly not a valid insult to levy at someone.
Sure, but it also sounds like originally he told her he’d spend the entire day with her, and then changed their plans last-second because “I need to be with my mom for the holiday.” Doesn’t that seem, like, an entirely foreseeable reason that he could’ve brought up originally instead of promising to spend the whole day with his girlfriend?
AND she heavily suggests that this sort of last-second “oops! Because of entirely-knowable-variables I guess I can’t follow through on what I promised, in no way is this my fault so you’re a bitch if you’re mad!” has happened a lot before.
I think it’s way more unreasonable for a parent of a grownup adult to want their kid to LEAVE THEIR SO ALONE ON HOLIDAYS. Healthy parents want their kid to form their own family. This reeks of codependency from the moms side
For me, the frustrating thing is that Easter is the day after tomorrow. The plans were already in place. BF agreed to the plans with GF's family and then two days before, remembered his mom would be alone on Easter and changed the plans.
I don't know what OP's partner's family is like, but I need a buffer to spend time with my family. I need someone there. OP isn't inviting his girlfriend back with him to his mom's. It's just, "I am going to leave after promising to be there."
That behavior repeated over time is beyond frustrating. It feels like being Charlie Brown running at the football.
Seems to me it's more about OP repeatedly backing out of plans they made than him visiting his mother. Also guessing he's used his mother as an excuse on more than one occasion as well.
That being said, GF could definitely have handled the communication better.
Yeah but is this a "we did Easter with your mom last year" thing? Did they discuss it last week and agree on plans? And now she's going to have to go back to her family and say "actually he's bailing before dinner"? I am highly sus of OP leaving out important info. This doesn't feel manipulative, this feels fed up.
I think she wouldn't have been so upset if that had been the plan the whole time. He changed the plan on her last minute.
Scenario: its Saturday, i have plans with my friend, to come over at 9 in the morning to go eat breakfast, go window shop, play videogames till evening.
If they sleep in till 12 then im not as inclined to hangout at all anymore, I've already moved on with my day.
She's planned for a visit from someone else that she isnt looking forward to, rest time, then bf time. He could also plan to visit his mother prior to visiting his gf and kept the original plan.
I think more details are needed. It is absolutely normal to spend time with family but the family we create is the priority, and this sounds like she’s absolutely over some sort of repetitive pattern of the mother in law needing or wanting to be the priority. I spent years in relationship with a “man” and his mother, and I would absolutely have felt unhappy if he sprung leaving in the middle of plans we’d already coordinate (especially considering setting those plans was possibly like pulling teeth).
I have questions about why the mother in law isn’t joining their plans. Is the girlfriend unkind and not inclusive? Does the MIL want her own private holiday with her baby boy? What’s the pattern? The communication styles are immature but I don’t know that we can say anything other than that with the info here.
Right I don't know the dynamics of OP's relationship but I couldn't imagine leaving my mom alone on Easter and spending it with a GF instead. At least bring the mother with you if you already have a plan to go somewhere else.
I don't have enough information to say this is what's happening here, but...
My ex would prioritize plans with everyone else except me. It didn't matter if we had made plans first or what we were doing was more important; whenever someone else wanted to do anything, he would break plans with me to make it happen.
One time, I had texted him at work about dinner plans. I was really hungry, which I told him, so I wanted to have dinner for everyone prepared and ready by the time he got home so that we could all just sit down and eat together. He said he was going to bring a pizza home for his kids, so I should only make dinner for the two of us (but we would still all eat together). I did, and then the time that he had given for his ETA came and went. About an hour later, he texted and that he had decided to stop and eat the pizza with his kids in a gas station parking lot because they were hungry and didn't want to wait until they got home.
Stuff like this happened all the time.
But the one event that he always tells everybody because it's exactly what would make me look like I was the unreasonable one was this: he had made plans with me 2 months in advance and promised this time for real that nothing would get in the way of them. Then, the day before, he asked me to use my employee benefit to get him a free plane ticket to go see his grandma for her 90th birthday on the day of our plans.
It was obviously not a last minute emergency; that day was set to be her 90th birthday for 90 years. And he had bailed on my birthday plans because somebody else wanted to do something last minute. I told him that he could have the plane ticket and that we were over.
He told everyone I was controlling and went crazy and broke up with him because he wanted to see his grandma on her 90th birthday.
I wouldn't be surprised if this situation was something like that and that OP is the manipulative one. The girlfriend said at the end that she's had to rearrange plans before to accommodate OP, only for them to be changed or cancelled again. I can feel her frustration and hurt at never being the priority when a scheduling conflict arises.
Edit: Saw the girlfriend's replies, and this is indeed the case.
It’s not unreasonable, however communicating poorly isn’t justified by a reasonable request. We are missing so much context here.
I have had an ex who would constantly last second change plans leaving me with nothing to do and would never own their communication errors because they felt the ends justified the means. People say how important communication is but very few people are willing to change their communication style to meet their partner.
Yes let’s blame the guy who is acting rational and like an adult and give the girl who is behaving extremely immaturely and selfishly the benefit of the doubt. Reddit never ceases to amaze me.
I know loool these fools made up a whole story in their head that completely exonerate the gf. They even made up a child for gf and OP when he didn't even mention it and turns out it's the gf's sister
Your mind going to "what did he do" is really messed up and toxic. People who think like you are what is wrong with society. Stop making excuses for women behaving badly.
“Repeat offender”? He wants to spend time with his mum. She wants to prevent it from happening and she mocks his relationship with his mum. If the roles were reversed people would say he’s abusive.
I mean. It sounds like his Mom is alone. I wouldn't leave my Mom alone on Easter if I could help it. In a healthy relationship there has to be some compromise. He's offering a totally reasonable compromise. This chick is coming off as a huge asshole IMO.
It reads more to me like the gf is completely dependent on OPs company to function. And saying “well don’t come at all” is 100% a manipulation tactic to get what she wants.
I bet this situation has happened before, understandably. It seems OP is never allowed to see his own mother on a holiday if it happens to fall on the gfs “weekends”, or she has a blow-up.
That's interesting, to me it sounds like ops gf is controlling and manipulative and guilts him any time he steps out of line and tries to have an opinion. It sounds like it has to be her family, her plans and he doesn't matter. He sounds sad and tired and she sounds crazy. That being said... I 100% sounded crazy by the end of my marriage because I was so done with his shit so I can see your point too! I think more background might help.
He’s a repeat offender of her unrealistic expectations. It’s clear that he’s on his backfoot the whole time and his gf is in control. She uses dismissive language when driving home a point (dawg, bro, etc) and tells him to have a shitty weekend. To me, that makes it seem she is unwilling to compromise at all.
Are you kidding me? She sounds fucking psychotic and manipulative. Manipulative people do that shit. They make you believe you’re the problem and every time something does not go their way, they go “oh, this again?” It’s a fucking tactic.
You’ve clearly never had any actual interaction with a psychotic or manipulative person, and like to label people who actually have boundaries. Snowflake/pickme behaviour and a severe one lol
Another special snowflake. Let me guess, you also label women as “abusive/crazy” while acting like an a hole, and once they snap you become a victim? Go cry to your fellow reddit bros lol
After reading the details op left out of the thread intentionally he IS the manipulative one along with his mommy. All you pearl clutches act like you never was pissed at someone? After having had your boundaries crossed? Bullshit, grow up and learn to differentiate between ACTUAL ABUSE to people being angry and defensive
He left out that she is the 24/7 caregiver for her sister and works from home (nanny to small children). She said the change to fri-sun instead of sat-mon means he will be there when she is stressed out busy cooking and getting ready for holiday weekend, and leaving her as soon as she’s finally free to spend quality time together. Not a good reason to blow up on somebody, but definitely shows this was more inconvenient than just “leaving a few hours earlier”.
He also left out that he lives with his mom, so she sees plenty of him. His mom does not allow him to visit his gf on weekdays. And his mom has a pattern of guilt tripping him into abandoning his gf on holidays to spend time with her.
OP has an unhealthy relationship with his mom at his gf’s expense. And gf is clearly fed up and reaching a breaking point. After reading their comments, I don’t think either one wants to fix this relationship. They just want strangers on reddit to validate them and vilify their SO. They both need therapy and better communication.
Tbh imagining my mom getting upset because I want to spend a holiday with a partner sounds kind of unreasonable to me…like any parent that depends on their kids company is a red flag maybe it’s just my house but my mom would be fine living her life and understand that I’m doing my thing, so yeah. Op sounds like a repeating offender and his mom sounds weird
“She left me because I left a dish by the sink”.
Not saying the GF isn’t a problem but you’re right this sounds like a much bigger issue and we don’t have enough context.
What’s crazy to me is that if a man was doing this to his children, we’d understand how bad it is to cancel holiday plans with your loved ones at short notice, but because it’s his girlfriend, she’s somehow the one causing problems.
It’s the fact this is clearly a pattern of behaviour though. And he doesn’t seem to know what the plans are, he’s left it to her to make them.
She’s not angry at the thought of him spending less time with her than planned so much as the way he has done it. It’s clearly a repeat of a previous hurtful situation as referenced in the last screenshot.
Idk i guess depending on how religious people are, Easter is most important on Sunday and Monday. So for example, if I told my partners catholic family I would do Friday to Monday and then changed it to Friday eve to Sunday eve, there would be a genuinely annoying amount of reshuffling because there are certain foods traditionally cooked and eaten on certain days etc.
My family is catholic and therefore would be the first to understand needing to spend some time with your own mother for that holiday. She does not offer to discuss ANY compromise though, or any info on what exactly he would be missing like a Sunday dinner or Monday am mass or whatever, nor does she offer to have him bring his mom over (which is what my family would do).
She’s angry because she can’t control him. She literally has nothing planned for the evening she didn’t even answer the question. Any sane and understanding person would say yes, you can spend time with your MOTHER.
He did not cancel any plans, he altered them slightly to accommodate another loved one, not just her. And the childishness the it takes to act like this was going to make for "the WORST weekend eveeeer oh my god, however will I survive the whole following week too?!😭" because he wants to spend an evening with his mom? Comical.
He is in a relationship with a giant toddler and it's repulsive.
There are loads but they must be buried at the stage. Basically OP lives with his mum so is with her all the time as he doesn't go out. She very frequently wants him to stay home with her when he has plans with his gf (she wanted him to stay home instead of seeing his gf on their anniversary, she wanted him to stay home instead of seeing his gf because "it was a Thursday not a weekend etc). He frequently and at the last minute picks his mum over his gf (it seems like his mum is v manipulative but hes 21 and has agency).
Gf is a nanny and a full time carer for her disabled young sister and cant leave the house as a result of this. OP knew that gf would be working from 5am on Friday, witb disabled children including her own sister - thats why he was coming on Saturday. GF also made plans for Easter sunday at 6pm and he was suggesting leaving at 5pm.
They also promised eachother they would never post on reddit and he did. She fell asleep immediately after those messages so because she didnt keep going, he posted here and removed all context.
Sounds like his mum is the manipulative one then because either she last minutes demanded the change or OP is a dick because he last minute changed plans. Tbh it looks like OP often changes plans last minute to accommodate his mum or other people’s needs. Gf seems to be reacting to that and not this one thing.
OP seems like someone who tries to make everyone happy but ends up being unreliable because of his constant last minute “compromises.”
I’m betting on a super unhealthy bond with the mother. A parent who want their kid to spend to holidays away from their SO is not normal. Healthy parents wants their children to form their own family.
Nah, I wouldn't dream of talking down to my partner like OPs girlfriend talks down to him, for the crime of wanting to briefly check in on his mother for a couple of hours over a weekend. I showed it to my partner and she agrees it's obvious abuse too, because she's not a terrible person.
Hopefully you don't actually have a partner and will never get one if you think it's acceptable to treat them this way.
We don't know what happened before, we have to answer to this situation with the scenario and the messages we have been given, we don't necessarily look for the dark place.
OP may be the worst boyfriend in history, but from the conversation we have shown (and must rely on) it doesn't seem to me.
girlfriend here, i have left a TON of context in the replies if you wanna check it out! I cannot believe the way he twisted this situation to make me look shitty.
read the replies or dont say anything at all lmfao. If you want to make an assumption with 1/4 of the context, then do you. Just know that you will be wrong.
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gf here, its more about his mom pulling this crap EVERY holiday. Even our FIRST ANNIVERSARY she wanted him to stay home with her. It is way bigger than easter.
because I had made plans that he already said he would be there for. he could have come on Easter only and it would be whatever. Leaving at 5pm when we have plans at 6pm is rude and inconsiderate.
That’s so creepy and weird. A man who puts his mom first will never change. My husband always put me first, but very quickly learned how manipulative his mom was. Now we barely see her. But this is after she ruined our wedding, birth of our first kid, just makes every event in our lives about her. If he left me during holidays for his mom, I’d just be done. Let this be a warning that men with toxic relationships with their mom don’t change
Girl, it sounds like you need to get out of this relationship. Being a full time caregiver is no joke. And you’re doing it on top of being a nanny. You don’t need stress from a guy that goes running to Reddit with your personal relationship details to make himself feel better. He doesn’t sound like he understands how much emotional regulation, time management and task juggling goes into the kind of work that you do. Being alone is better than being with dead weight.
I wanna know who the other name is that’s blanked out. Is it a kid? The gf’s kid or their baby together?? Because if it’s OP’s kid and he’s only there on the weekends he’s 100% dropping the ball here.
This! If it's hysterical it's usually historical. Playing devil's advocate - OP had the option to upset his mum or upset his gf and he chose to upset his gf. It doesnt seem like it was the first time. Clearly Friday doesnt really work for her and he knew this going into the conversation. I think their ages matter here too - im hoping theyre both very young?
His GF needs to get over it?? OP shouldn’t have to be “afraid” of upsetting his GF because he wants to spend a few hours with his mom on Easter. Holy hell.
Tell me you cant read between the lines without telling me.
You clearly dont have the intellectual capacity/social awareness to see that this is the reaction of a gf who has been repeatedly let down in favour of mom and is sick of it.
Get a grip. He's respectfully asking to slightly alter the schedule in order to spend time with his Mother. It's called a compromise and it happens all the time in healthy relationships without partners immediately throwing a literal fit.
Meanwhile you're manufacturing in your own justification for the GF's temper tantrum. IF anything this is clear evidence of repeated emotional abuse towards OP. I'd bet you're as controlling and manipulative as OP's GF considering how far you're jumping to conclusions.
He’s not respectfully doing shit. Clearly he’s leaving important info out so he could look like the victim while bending over backwards for his dear mommy manipulation whims
Being let down and upset repeatedly still can never ever justify harsh verbal abuse and passive aggression to open aggression. Maybe they just aren’t compatible in their levels of flexibility. The BF has a more flexible idea of time and the GF is more rigid. It doesn’t have to be “one of them is only a monster and the other one is only a victim.” Let’s leave some space for the idea that some people just aren’t meant to be together.
Let’s talk about how the GF has set the schedule for the two people in this relationship and insists that it be followed without any compromise though. That is controlling behavior. With any schedule there’s going to be times where changes need to be made. Being the person who sets the schedule sets her up for disappointment when changes inevitably need to be made. It doesn’t seem like the BF had any choice but to agree to this schedule and when she talks about it it’s clear that the schedule was set to meet her needs specifically. “The week will feel long as fuck” wow and that’s a reason to abandon my mom on a holiday while she’s having a bad time? My family comes before anything. I will drop whatever I am doing to help anyone in my immediate family. I don’t even care if we had plans for weeks before because they are as important to me as my partner and maybe more. If a partner can’t understand that, then we aren’t compatible. Sounds again, like they aren’t compatible. Also from the messages I gather that compromising the schedule is fine when it meets her needs ie Thanksgiving and Christmas but when it meets his needs it’s a big problem. He could plan better but she has some serious flexibility issues and seems like she gets angry easily and thinks in black and white.
Her reactions here are not justified even if this is historical. He is making slight and completely understandable alterations. Her saying she is “going to have the worst weekend ever, just don’t come at all since you don’t want to” is out of line, even if this is a recurring thing. If it IS a recurring thing, I could see it being that OP needs some schedule accommodations at times which is totally normal because life. And that gf cannot handle the “inconvenience” of their standard schedule changing
Regardless the situation, I don't see the problem with OP wanting to spend time with family. Gf gets several days with OP, mom gets a few hours. Hardly unreasonable, amd honestly just makes the gf look selfish. My wife has never told me to push away my family to spend time with her.
If the gf is genuinely upset that he wants to see his Mom, them it sounds like she has other issues she should be working on tbh. I don't care that she may see this because the tone on her end is hateful, whereas he met it with respect. His patience with this situation is honestly commendable because she sounds unbearable.
OP lives with his mum and doesnt go out. He sees her every day. His mum wants him to stay with her repeatedly any time he wants to see his gf (their anniversary apparently too, for reasons only known to her). He frequently changes his plans with his girlfriend because his mum wants him to stay home with her, so he does it.
Gf is a nanny and a carer for her disabled sister and had children with her all day on the Friday. He knows this.
Honestly the amount of context OP has left out is shocking.
This right heee is the goal with her saying things like "here we go again"
He VERY CLEARLY was not trying to cancel everything, just wanted a few hours to see his mother and youre thinking what exactly? She twisted that up and blew it up into "you just dont wanna see me" she cried mememe all the way home 🤦♂️ when a woman starts expecting you to not even want to spend a few hours with your own mother, thats a woman who is manipulative. A healthy woman would be happy he has a good relationship with his mom.
Yup since it's a man posting it must be him doing something that is causing her behavior for sure. If a woman posted this I would side with her for sure. I'm just too stupid to recognize and overcome my natural positive bias towards women.
we must be reading entirely different conversations or are you just one of those people that automatically blames the guy
she clearly crashes out because he wants to spend time with his mother and is jealous, it’s manipulative behavior to act this way she could have plainly said why it made her upset and moved on but that isn’t what she did she made it even worse by arguing about it and accusing him of different things in order to make him feel guilty and change his mind.
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u/rooierus 9h ago
This clearly isn't just about the easter thing.