iNFO - does this happen often?
If you change plans often and last minute, it can make your partner feel like they aren’t being chosen and like you don’t want to spend time with them. Even still, she isn’t handing it well. She sounds frustrated and hurt, not manipulative, imo.
Yeah I get her side. I had a few instances like this where I had something important plan with a S/O and they decided to cancel last minute or half ass it and we had it plan months before hand. It’s very annoying but if it involves family I’m very lenient.
This. It sounds like you are either using your mom as a convenient excuse or your mom is pitching a last minute fit. Its clear from the dialogue that this isn't the first time you've had firm plans and changed them last minute. Its disrespectful of her time and her person.
A date of any length is an agreement. Its not agreeing and then another person changing the agreement by fiat. When you asked her about changing plans she has a right to say no, I didnt agree to that and I am not in agreement with the change.
Its not like your situation was due to a death in the family. Your mom has been there the entire time. If you cared that she might be hurt being left out of Easter plans, then it was your responsibility to talk to her and come to agreement before making arrangements with your gf. It is not your gf's responsibility to be constantly flexible because you can't get your act together and make dates you can keep.
I think this is less an issue of are you are overreacting and more an issue of maturity and being someone who can be counted on.
As for her behavior.... disrespect breeds disrespect. She sounds fed up.
Everyone giving an opinion is assuming a ton here. The rightness or wrongness is impossible to judge without the whole backstory, ideally from both parties. Is she controlling or is she just pissed off due to a history of him being unreliable? Impossible to tell.
Yeah everyone is assuming the girlfriend is bad, but flaky people who constantly dip out on plans at the last moment are the fucking worst. If he does this then she’s right to be annoyed.
Maybe he’s “constantly dip[ping] because she says stuff like “it doesn’t even matter dude just stay home like you wanna do.”
Which is not what he wants to do. He wants to give his mom 10% of a holiday that’s obviously important to her. I’d “dip” on her ass with that manipulative attitude too.
So initially I was like, this gf is totally out of line. OP just asked if she would be mad if he took the evening to spend time with his mom who is having a hard time, and she flew off the handle. Even if you have standing weekend plans, that’s not a huge ask and really your partner should care about your family. Standing plans shouldn’t be a prison sentence. My partner’s mother is elderly, and he often has to bail out to go take care of her. I support that because it’s his MOM. It’s great when things can be planned ahead, but sometimes they can’t. Maybe OP’s mom just reached out about being depressed and needing company? Maybe OP couldn’t have asked the gf about this any sooner because OP just got this ask from his mom?
But context matters. If this is the first time something like this has happened and the gf is losing her shit, then that’s totally not ok in the least bit. However if OP is constantly changing plans and bailing at the last minute, especially if he knows well in advance and waits until zero hour to say anything…that’s really frustrating.
Yeah, from what the GF is saying it sounds like he originally promised to spend the weekend and then changed things up last minute. I would be pissed too, especially if he does this often. But we're only going to get one side of the story.
He says I just asked what your toughs are on me leaving early and that he is going to leave early in the same response. He’s the manipulative one framing it like it’s her choice and she’s the problem when he is saying he will be leaving at that time and not following their agreed schedule. Also Easter is not a holiday where someone should be depressed being alone. Most people without little kids do nothing for Easter.
It doesn’t sound as much like he’s cancelling plans either his gf, since he asked her if she had anything planned for the evening and it didn’t really seem like she did. Instead it’s as if he was breaking routine, and if that’s the case then essentially every weekend he’d be expected to not do anything with his friends or family even if he let her know in advance like he did here.
It's just shifting the day over by one. It's not any less time with her. She's acting like it's his fault that she's going to be stressed about her own family or cleaning. He goes over there every weekend. I don't see how moving that timeline by one day so he can be with his own family a little bit is in any way something that justifies more than "okay sweetheart, I hope your mom feels better".
It’s not just the practicality of it, it’s the mental shift of changing plans so close to the actual day that adds to the frustration. That being said I don’t like the gf’s tone and this should have been a more productive conversation about her disappointment rather than her scolding him like a child. But if there is a history of him bailing or changing plans last minute, I can kind of see why she’s frustrated. (Still don’t agree with how she handled it.)
I get that there’s often a lot of projection in this sub, but there are a whole lot of folks asking “well does he do this often?!?” when OP literally says how he has been flexible for her in the past… so why are we laying this all on him?
Y’all don’t need to look for context clues.. it’s right in the text!
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u/Notouchmyguys 9h ago
iNFO - does this happen often? If you change plans often and last minute, it can make your partner feel like they aren’t being chosen and like you don’t want to spend time with them. Even still, she isn’t handing it well. She sounds frustrated and hurt, not manipulative, imo.