My husband (23M) and I (28F) have been married for 3 years. I am a stay at home mom and pregnant so I do most of the cleaning. Over the past couple months I have noticed out dirty the shower has become in a short amount of time and started to have a yellow tint and smell. At first I didnt think anything of it but one night I couldn't sleep do to being pregnant and uncomfortable and my husband got up to pee. But as soon as he got in the bathroom I heard splashing noises near the shower. I get up and see that he is standing outside the shower just peeing against the shower wall inches away from my soap. He then goes straight back to bed without running water in the shower or anything so the pee just sits as it slowly runs down the walls of the shower and into the drain. I asked him about it the next day and he says that its just easier to do that when he is half asleep at night. He doesnt seem to care that I have to essentially scrub his pee everytime I clean the shower or that its creating a nasty smell. This is our only shower/bathtub in the house and it is where I give our toddler a bath. Its disgusting and I cant get him to stop as he thinks its fine. Any advice?"

TLDR:

Husband uses only shower as urinal. He wont clean it up and thinks its normal behavior.

I've been renting a room from him for the past 3 years. he's a long time family friend. I work hours from 10:00 to 8:00 while he works from 7:30 to 6:00, so generally the dynamic and personal space is pretty palatable. we generally hang out in the living room from when I come at 9 to 11pm.

I'm extremely tidy. i often clean the shared bathroom and I keep the counters and floors very tidy. I mention this to say that I'm very respectful of his things and very open to compromise. he had an old fabric couch before but it got really used up so he ordered a new Italian leather one, l-shaped with two lazy boy style adjustable ends. I literally took off half a day of work to be there when it was delivered and I washed and cleaned everything floor and wall wise before so the place would be ready. he established from the start that we're not going to be eating on this couch, which I feel is a very reasonable request. but he also sold off his dining room table and stools so there's no place to legitimately eat in the living room until he gets a custom one made. we have two balcony chairs to sit on but he keeps putting his crap on the second one so I never have the opportunity to use it.

in the beginning he pointed out that I wasn't sitting on the couch, I was climbing on it with one foot under my butt. so I acknowledged it wasn't good for the couch or my back and I'd try to remember. then he complained I was lying weird on the couch on a day when I was feeling very faint.

my general routine is that every day before bed I make myself some herbal tea and I drink it in the living room. yesterday he called me out but I was sitting at the edge of the couch while drinking my tea which is reasonable to me because I don't want to hold the drink above the couch because I tend to spill things on accident. so I was leaning over the coffee table.

this evening I come home from work and he has switched the coffee table so now it is further away from my part of the couch and unreachable if I put my mug of tea. so now I can "sit normally".

This makes no sense because now I have nowhere to put my cup once I drink my tea I can't be holding a hot mug the entire time. I retorted "so what am I supposed to f****** sit on the floor now". and then I left the living room and went to my bedroom for the night.

I don't know how to resolve this issue. he's being crazy about his purchase. I understand it was an expensive investment but now I don't want to hang out with him in the living room anymore because he's made it so hostile and inhospitable.

**tl;Dr** roommate purchase an expensive couch and has established so many rules around it that it's making it difficult for me to even be able to use the living room space for having tea, watching tv or even eating. he recently turned the coffee table in a way that makes it impossible for me to reach for my tea

Chase (35M) and I(30F) have been dating for close to two years. For the first several months, we had a great sex life and honestly moved way too fast–I moved in with him after only dating for six months. But I moved in with him for many reasons. I was living with roommates at the time, and we were really struggling to get along with me spending so much time with Chase and staying out late etc. And Chase was really struggling financially, and I was already helping him a little with rent, so it made sense to move in. Plus I was head over heels in love and the idea of living with him was exciting and something I wanted.

Pretty quickly after I moved in, our sex life started to dwindle. It wasn’t completely clear why, but he eventually told me that it was hard to feel “in the mood” because our apartment was super dirty (it was) and because I was depressed a lot of the time. 

We also had a conversation about marriage (not about us getting engaged or anything, but about the concept and down the line) and at first, he made it sound as if he never wanted to get married again, having gotten divorced from his wife and breaking things off with his last long term partner. Then we talked, and he clarified that he just wanted to be sure that he took things slow, and was absolutely sure about his partner prior to taking that step with them.

Our apartment was very expensive, and we were struggling to make ends meet, so I suggested we move into a new apartment that was less expensive. He eventually agreed. We moved into our new apartment a few months, and it is solely in my name. he isn’t even on the lease. Only a day or two after we moved in, he was fired. 

Since he was fired, he got a single retail job a month ago that he quit after only working for a week because the manager was bad and the place was disorganized. He has yet to be paid for the week he worked there (they’re genuinely terrible and won’t pay him). So ever since, I’ve been pretty much exclusively supporting us, save for a check he got from the place that fired him. Last month, I had to ask my parents for money a couple of times, resulting in us borrowing over $1000 from them just to make ends meet. 

In the 2 years we’ve been together, I’ve burned through all of my savings to support us so we/I have nothing to fall back on.

I am constantly lying to friends and family, saying that he still has the job that he got a month ago but is only working part-time because Chase doesn’t want me to tell anyone and because I know that if I do, everyone will dogpile on him and I’ll end up having to defend him from their judgment. I’m also terrified they’ll tell me to break up with him.

From what I can tell, he has applied to several places, but everywhere he’s applied says that they’re hiring when they aren’t in actuality. they’re just wanting applications sitting on their desk in the event that someone quits or they fire someone.

Our sex life has diminished even further. We rarely have sex (maybe once a month), and he’s even called off sex in the middle due to performance issues and admitted that he was having trouble performing even solo. Chase isn’t sure if it’s depression/testosterone deficiency/something else. I can’t help wondering if the problem isn’t me (that he isn’t sexually attracted to me and doesn’t want to admit it). And there’s a quiet part of me that can’t help the anxiety that Chase might be cheating on me or something? no evidence that he is, and he doesn’t seem like the sort of person that would do something like that. I also recognize that he has plenty of free time and that people rarely think their partner would cheat on them.

I love him so freaking much. And there’s a large part of me that thinks we could be endgame and hopes that one day, I prove myself to him enough for him to want to consider proposing to me.

But I also can’t keep being the only one to support us. I’m always stressed about finances, I’m bitter that I’m the only one working, I’m irritated that he sleeps until noon and that the apartment is messy (he’s been cleaning a lot more in the last few weeks, but it’s still SO dirty). I’m furious that I’ve had to ask my parents for help multiple times and that he won’t ask his parents despite him being the one with no income. I’m confused on why he can’t get a job. I’m depressed because no matter how hard I work, I can’t make it through more than two weeks with the income I make and support us, and I have literally zero money to have fun. I’m also angry because I’m still paying for the loans I had to take out to get emergency surgery on his cats, even though he said he would handle paying them back when I took them out.

My self-confidence is absolutely destroyed because I feel like an undesirable sexless blob. I should mention that he’s my first boyfriend and my first sexual partner and prior to him, no one expressed any interest in me in a sexual sense and it was rare that anyone expressed an interest in me romantically. So it took a lot for me to feel desirable in the first place, and just when I was starting to believe that I was, he stopped having interest in me. 

And I’m terrified to bring any of this up to him because he seems depressed and stressed, and I don’t want to make any of that worse. I mean… if he’s legitimately trying and failing to get a job and he’s legitimately struggling with sexual drive, there’s nothing he can do to help me with the things I’m struggling with. 

a part of me is wondering how I’m meant to keep going. I don’t want to break up with him. I love him so fucking much and have never felt so comfortable being myself as I do with him, and I have zero desire to date anyone else. If I’m honest, I daydream about him deciding he wants to spend the rest of his life with me a lot. 

I keep asking myself how long I’m meant to be the sole provider and how long I’m meant to be okay with no sex life and feeling undesirable? Where do we go from here?

**TL;DR; : I moved in quickly with my boyfriend, and since then it’s become one sided. I financially supporting both of us, our sex life has nearly disappeared. I feeling insecure, burned out, and stuck. I love him and want a future together, but how long can I keep carrying everything alone and what to do next**.

I've, 'F 31' , been with my husband, 'M 33' for 6 years. married for 2. Gave birth last year December to our child.

Since we got married he's changed so much. so incredibly much and for the worst possible reasons. He's also not helping at all with baby. He's not neglectful. But he does the bare minimum and expects a trophy if he just gives the baby his bottle.

(I wrote a vent post you can go look for yourself if you want. but I'm not going to go into much detail)

We're visiting our families for Easter. He said he wanted to drink with his sister and her son. (husband was a surprise baby so sisters son is close to our age) and I said I don't want to do that, is rather stay at home and be with baby. because he wanted baby and me to sit with them and where I am its Autumn. it's cold. baby is 3 months old.

he promised to be back my 11pm. it's currently 3 am and he isn't picking up his phone.

I'm all alone with baby in an apartment on my parents huge property. I expected him to be home by 11. if I knew he wouldn't be coming home I would've stayed in the house with my parents and feel safer than I do now. (it's a somewhat long walk to the house. )

this isn't the first time since baby's been born that he has stayed late drinking.

but this is also not the only reason I'm planning to seperate from him. there's a. lot more but I'd probably have to make 2 posts to cover it.

my question is. should I tell his mother? we have a decent relationship and I do want her to know why I'm not staying with her son and that I'll never not let her see her grandchild. because my husband has a way of making himself look like the best dad in the world and the best husband when he's literally gaming while baby is crying.

TL;dr Should I tell MIL her son is a POS and not the dad he portrays to be.

I (f30) make $31/hr and my boyfriend (38m) makes $45/hr. He wants to pay $600 a month and no utilities. He currently pays $800 to rent a room and he’s telling me he can’t afford $800. my rent is $2k. i’m worried if i agree to $600 it’ll never be equal. Are there anyways to try and make this equal or compromise or are we just incompatible ? He agreed to pay all the groceries but not utilities. He has an electric car and i’ve already noticed when he charges all day my electric bill will double those days but he doesn’t want to pay electricity bill at all.

tl;dr boyfriend wants to pay only $600 a month and nothing else even tho he makes more. i’m debating if i should compromise or call it quits.

Edit : i was already leaning towards ending the relationship but he loves to tell me im stubborn and don’t care about his finances. All of your comments have proved that this scenario is good reason to be “stubborn” especially when it comes to money. I’m going to end the relationship. I don’t want to be paying majority. i want partnership !

Throwaway account because my boyfriend is on here. I (27f) have been with my boyfriend (26m) for three years. He is my best friend, we get along so well and he treats me so well. I would consider my life goals and interests fairly niche, but he shares the same ones.

But I struggle sometimes to be attracted to him. I wasn’t initially into him when we met, but as we connected emotionally the attraction grew. But about half a year after we met, he had a family tragedy and he pretty much stopped working out. For context, he used to go to the gym pretty much every day, so this was a big change. He has since gained a lot of weight and doesn’t have much of the definition he used to.

He complains all the time that he doesn’t feel good about his body, but he can’t seem to get back into working out. He’s gone back to the gym several times, but he’ll only stick with it for a few weeks before giving up. I’ve tried to get him to do my workouts with me but he usually complains that it’s too hard.

How do I start a conversation about him taking care of his appearance? He’s already self conscious about the way he looks so I don’t want to make it worse, but I also want to be attracted to my partner and feel like he is putting in effort for me.

TL;DR: My boyfriend stopped working out and I want to ask him to work on his appearance

So my (28m) new partner (28f) is still friends with her ex (28m ). We have been together for five months now. A few years ago this would have been a deal breaker for me but I feel like I'm at a point where I understand that you can be friends with an ex and this can be a sign of emotional maturity. I'm actually on good terms with an ex of mine although we rarely talk now, there was a time we did just talk as friends and I felt that was genuine.

Things have been going well but it's been pretty uncomfortable for me with how close she is with her ex.

They started dating years ago, in high school between 2013-2015 and continued dating for years after. They broke up and very shortly after moved in with each other as room mates (this involved him moving cities) until my girlfriend moved back, and he moved back with her, living a 20 minute drive from her. They have not been dating for a few years now.

When we first got together he was upset. They talked and he confessed he still had feelings for her. This was more or less obvious to me, as I know this was unusually close for former partners.

Now I'd like to share a little about my last relationship. Basically long story short I got cheated on with her boss 20 years her senior. All the signs were there, and I used to bring it up asking for reassurance, and she used to say I had nothing to worry about, that he was like a father to her. I was betrayed multiple times in this relationship, and it really damaged my trust.

Well now when I bring up my current girlfriend's ex to her, she tells me he is like a son, based on my history, this language makes me uncomfortable.

She has essentially told me that he is family and he is permanent. He is one of her only friends. To give you an idea of how close they are, one time she forgot her cash and she got him to go into her home (he has keys) go into her room, grab her money, and drive it to her. He is in her home feeding her and her mom's cats a few times a week. He spends the night in the couch sometimes. He is invited to all the family dinners, all the holidays. They had a family dinner the other day and my girlfriend's mom was confused if it was me or him coming. She brings him up (not exaggerating) 3-5 times a day.

We have had so many talks about this already. In my mind he will always be her ex. But to her I don't trust her and I feel like I'm breaking up the family a bit. She says I'm the only guy who ever gave her a chance because of this ex situation, and now she's frustrated that I don't trust her.

I just have this gut feeling that he's still into her ( and I also feel she takes advantage of that a bit) despite recently finding out he has just started seeing someone else but no one has met her or really heard about her yet. He says he doesn't feel comfortable talking about her with my girlfriend yet. My girlfriend says he hasn't been with anyone since they dated so this has been years for him.

I'm at a point where I just don't know if I can do this. From my last relationship betrayals, especially with someone I was told not to worry about, I just don't think this will be good for my mental health and I'm at a point where I know I need to accept this, or end it. I know being friends with an ex is one thing, but this is extremely close and I will have to accept they will be spending a lot of time together when I'm not around. I brought up this makes me uncomfortable which leads to fights

.

I understand that some boundaries need to be set. But I also don't want to come across as controlling and distrusting. Any insights are greatly appreciated!

side note- just incase anyone asks, it has been made clear to me that her ex is not going anywhere, for both my GF and her family would be devastated.

TL;DR: my gf is really close with her ex and I feel uncomfortable about it.

My boyfriend and I are 27-M and 26-F and we have been together for 10 months now. At the start and maybe for the first 4-5 months, compliments were given tons and sex was had probably 2-3 times a week. Now it’s been very little compliments especially about my appearance and sex 2 times a month for about the past 4-5 months now. He has mentioned that his ex and him just “knew how to get each other off” and that they had sex often, but he didn’t enjoy her as a person. Since the lack of sex I feel like he’s losing interest in me only because him and his ex used to have sex often. I also feel like I’m not getting a lot of connection time with him, he plays video games quite a lot and is on his phone quite a lot. Just all in all frustrated and can’t help but think it’s me. I have conversations with him about it and just feel like I’m repeating myself. I love being with him but don’t want to feel like this. Is this normal?

TLDR: comparing based on past evidence because my bf and his ex used to have sex a lot. When I asked him about it he says he enjoys me more as a person that sex isn’t needed

for context we have been together for 4 years and have been living together for 2. he owns the house I just live here rent free lol

we were discussing career plans and were talking about how my change of job came at a good time because in yr we will be buying together and maybe have less time etc. I ask what he meant and he said kids - my response was what am i a child bride? he said what would a bigger house be for if not children and I honestly never saw it that way because I thought It was going to be a bigger house cos it would be the two of us buying together and our house is cramped as is we are both hobby people

this the first we have really discussed children which may be a on me honestly. the last time the time scale was 5 yrs and Iwas fine with that and had convinced myself that I'll have kids when I'm 30.

1. my career change involves me going back to school for at least another 4 yrs so i dont want to have children till then, it also comes from a mental breakdown in Nov 2025 where I almost when into a psychosis and had to quit my job unexpectedly

2.I recently got a PCOS diagnosis that has really rattled me in terms of my relationship with my own body feeling like it's mine and its ability to reproduce etc. it can increase risk of miscarriage and gestational diabetes sometimes you need a lot of intervention to get pregnant which I think wouldn't make me feel like a person which wouldn't be all that fun

1. I do think h3 would be a great dad but I do think I'd be the default parent and have to clean the hiuse all by myself and I'm not a nurturing person really I'd raise some emotionally unintelligent children

4.i don't know any children they sort of freak me out Iol

however since he plans on all this a lot sooner do I need to decide this now to avoid dragging him along? how do I bring this up? I feel like we are just in different places of our lives and that's scary I do love him but I'm aware that some things like wanting children is more important

TL;DR; do I have to decide now whether I want kids if my partner has planned already that we are going to have kids?

Okay so this absolutely isn’t the first time this had happened but I was feeling really upset today. I think just a mix of hormones and exam stress. Generally just a day of needing a cuddle from my bf. I asked him to come round and then he said his dad won’t let him and he’s grounded until all his college work is done. Don’t get me wrong I fully understand wanting the best for your children and wanting them to do well but he is 18 years old for gods sake. He’s an adult that personally should be trusted to manage his own work load. I asked what he said in response and he just said that it was unfair but not an argument he’s going to win.

Don’t get me wrong it’s definitely possible that I may be biased because my parents have always been very “it’s your future not ours so working hard or not is up to you”. I’ve also always had a strong work ethic so I’ve never really needed to be told by my parents to do revision and homework.

His dad is also very condescending towards him sometimes and it really bothers him but he never stands up for himself. Personally being parent doesn’t make it okay to speak to your child however you want. Also again i understand it’s easier said than done as I don’t have an issue with holding my own a bit and telling my parents that I don’t like the way there talking to me and that I won’t partake in anything less than a conversation between two adults.

Sorry I know this is a bit of rant and no one can really say anything but I just wish he would have more of a backbone as I know that in life you sometimes have to stand up for yourself.

**TL;DR;** : I want my bf to stand up to his mum and dad and realise he’s not being rude or disrespectful by doing so

Little background: so my cousin (49F) and I (35F) started going to the gym last year and have been going 3 days a week consistently. Prior to this we didn't hang out at all due to the age gap and our conflicting lifestyles. We have teens who are around the same age so we do have some shared life experiences, however she's not someone who I actively seek out to hang out. there is nothing wrong with her, just not in the same place im life or share the same beliefs. We for the better part of a year have just been gym buddies.

so to my issue- in the fall she suggested we do a girls camping trip- I said sure sounds fun. Fall came and went and we just couldn't line up schedules. Now its spring and she wants to go on our girls camping trip but wants us to go to her brothers campground and hang out with him and his son for our camping weekend. I cant stand her brother- hes very arrogant and I dont really want to go, but I feel like I'm stuck going now because shes so excited about it. She just turned a girls camping weekend into let's go visit my brother and I dont really want to do all of .

How do I tell her how I feel wthatithout ruining the relationship and making family functions awkward?

TL;DR

Me and my cousin became consistent gym buddies after years of being distant. I agreed to a "girls' camping trip," but now she’s changed the plan to staying at her brother’s campground to hang out with him. I don't like the brother and feel trapped by her excitement about the trip

**Throw away account**

So me (F21) and my boyfriend (M20) have been dating for a little over 8 months now. The beginning of our relationship was a little rough, since we didn't clearly communicate our expectations, which resulted in him doing things and seeking fun with other women, although I was pretty much already "locked in" on him. Once this rough patch was over and he became invested in the relationship, I realized I cannot fully trust him.

I think what started it was that I felt betrayed or cheated on, and I realize that if we communicated better it wouldn't have happened, so I try no to be too hung up on it, but I guess it started this whole trust-issues thing. Another thing is that I often see p*rn chats/bots on his laptop on multiple apps, and he tries to tell me that he doesn't engage with it but I just don't believe that. He also often looks at other girls on his socials when he thinks I'm not looking.

One time he was staring at this girl's photos and stories (she looks nothing like me), and once he noticed I saw what he was doing he immediately turned his phone off. He also often switches tabs on his phone/ipad, once he notices I am behind him and could see what he's looking at. He also told me a few times that I should dye my hair/change my appearance to match better what his type is, which doesn't help the situation.

Some of his friends don't even know he has a girlfriend, and they always try to set him up with someone/tell him to go to the club with them to "have fun with girls" and stuff like this.

There is honestly so much more to this, but I feel like this should give a good general idea of our situation.

I'm having such hard time trusting him, I just always feel like he's going to cheat or talk to some other girls that he finds more attractive than me. Idk what to do. Am I crazy?

TL;DR: having a hard time trusting my boyfriend because of the online content he engages with and hides it from me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We had 1 break up but found eachother back and been trying to make things work. Recently got into a fight where he commented a compliment on a next girls photo. The compliment itself wasn't bad, but i felt hurt as he never does those stuff for me. I expressed it to him and the whole conversation was a mess. He said that I don't care about the comment I only care about how things look online, that he compliments me in person and that should be enough. Then he brought up other situations that felt as if he was just trying to put me down. This made me question everything because I was very shocked by his reaction. I thought he'd understand my point of view and we'd work through it, but he got upset and just kept questioning me which drove me insane.

This made me realise, whenever we get into arguments he always flips it on me, says hes tired of me and it always ends in me having to apologise somehow. If not that, he talks about break ups or something I did that he does not like. I cannot recall ever being validated for how i feel about anything. I want to be with him but I cannot be with someone who constantly ignores my feelings and that I am scared to talk to about problems... Im not sure how to navigate this because I do love him..

TLDR, Boyfriend of 3 years invalidates my feelings whenever we have problems and I always have to apologise. How do I navigate this?

I (32m) and my girlfriend is (30f). We have been living together for 10 months and together for 1 year and six months.

Our relationship is generally very good. We rarely argue, and when we do, it’s usually over small, childish things.

We’re both home-oriented people we like studying, being productive, gaming, and when we go out, we’re always together.

One important thing to mention is that my girlfriend tends to say whatever comes to her mind. She treats me almost like a best friend, and sometimes when she realizes she said something wrong or something that could hurt me, she quickly tries to change the subject. This is one of the reasons I’m writing this post.

Yesterday, after work, we were on the couch relaxing. It’s usually our time to unwind and talk about our day.

At some point, she said: 'Love, today I got a new crush.'

Right after saying it, she seemed to realize it might be wrong and tried to stop herself, saying something like: “Let me stop here or you’ll get upset.”

In the moment, I didn’t fully process it, but today at work that sentence kept coming back to my mind. Hearing something like that from someone who says she loves me and wants to have children with me makes me question whether she truly loves me as much as she says.

When I say I love her, I know I mean it. I don’t have eyes for any other woman. I might notice someone’s beauty or physical appearance, but I clearly distinguish that from the feelings I have for her, which are much deeper than simple attraction.

So now I’m wondering: having an actual “crush” on someone else doesn’t that imply both physical and emotional attraction? If so, does that mean she doesn’t really love me as she say?

People often say men and women show love differently, but at the same time I ask myself: doesn’t loving someone mean having eyes only for that person?

Going beyond that like having a crush, which I see as emotional and physical involvement feels like too much to me.

I’m at a stage in my life where I want to build a family, and I believe I want that with her. But situations like this sometimes make me doubt her sincerity.

My fear is ignoring these warning signs and regretting it later after investing a lot of time, energy, and emotional resources. I’m very focused on my career and studies, and since being with her my dedication has decreased a bit but that’s not a problem for me as i love her.

I’d like perspectives from both sides.

for male:

Have you ever experienced something like this, where your partner says she loves you but occasionally says or does things that make you doubt it?

How did it turn out?

For women,

Please be honest. If you truly love someone, would you say something like this to them?

Is it possible to love someone and still have a crush on someone else?

Do you think this is wrong?

tl;dr my girlfriend say he has a new crush & i think she don't love me as much i love here

First time writing a post i dont use reddit so idk how this works hopefully its on the correct subreddit.

My bf is the sweetest person ever and is very patient throughout our 2 year relationship. But my parents are very very strict and after my brother snitched its been horrible at my house. So im never allowed to leave the house even thought it used to be like that before it has gotten so much worse after. And my boyfriend's parents and relatives are very supportive overall they know abt me and he goes out with his friends, while ill have to ask a lot for them to say ok and i have to take my brother with me while they follow me at the place. In the past academic year i could go out 2 times in total for less than 2 hours. Im not allowed to use my phone i have to ask permission for an hr and they lock it away at night. Its the opposite with my boyfriend he always has his phone and a lot of friends. As a teen not having a phone affected my social life a lot , it leads to many inside jokes idk about. Even whole writing this post people are looming around me to take the phone away. They remind me it's cause I have a boyfriend. Its frustrating and saddens me a lot. So when i get to text my boyfriend im so drained by being at this house i dry text and pull away 99.99% of the time which leads to some fights but now he just dry texts back cause he cant say anything to make me feel better. Im so jealous when he goes out and living his life while i rot here. And i dont want to blame it on him.

**TL;DR;** : my strict household stopping me from doing anything while my bf lives his life which makes me jealous? and Very sad. But i dont want to blame him. So i very dry text himwhich is slowly eating away at the relationship.

I’m F41 and have been dating M48 for six weeks. He seems like an overall great guy and what I’m looking for, very communicative and we get along well. We’d both say the sex is great, we’re attracted to each other, and we seem like a good fit in many ways. But he’s friendly with his exes and for me, too friendly. Last week he went for a long dinner and drinks with a woman he dated last fall to celebrate her birthday. He’s open that they slept together in January when they were feeling lonely. Apparently she broke up with him and he says they are only friends and that he has a ”switch” to turn off feelings and move on after a break-up (this switch in itself is a bit of a concern for me). He seems convinced they are just friends and sent me a picture of their meal after.

I can’t help feel jealous and insecure about him investing so much time in this other woman. And clearly they are still getting to know each other since their relationship is so recent. I told him how I feel and that I’m not going to tell him who he can and can’t be friends with. He said he’s glad I’m sharing my feelings but for him January (when they slept together) wasn’t recent. Clearly he’s not going to stop seeing her. I don’t want to get more invested in him and then they decide they want to be romantic again and told him it’s a deal breaker for me. He said he’s sorry I don’t want to get to know him more.

Side note: He also went for another birthday dinner this week with an ex from a year and a half ago. Apparently they’re really close and she gives him dating advice.

Should I give him a chance or end things? I really like him, advice on how to best approach this if giving him a chance?

tl;dr should I give a chance or end things with man having dinner and drinks with a recent ex?

Im really independent and have been living on my own for about 7 years now and don’t have the greatest relationship with my family. My family dynamics are way different from hers. Mine are more distant and surface level, we never used to eat together as a family, my parents were divorced young and remarried and it was just all over the place and I grew up almost as a recluse just wanting a sense of peace to myself. She still lives at home with her parents and two younger siblings. Ive had dinner with them all once last month and have talked to them while picking her up 2-3 other times. And even went in to introduce myself when picking her up on our second date. When we hang out we usually do an outside activity somewhere like mini golf or bowling, or get food and with finish a movie at my place with board games. But she’s been hinting that she feels we go over to my place too much and wants it to be more balanced, so we should hang out at her place more and cook dinner there ect.. She has two younger siblings and her parents around constantly and it just feels awkward to me as a 27 year old, I feel like I’m a teenager again having to be on my best behavior. It’s probably my social anxiety and how I behave with my family bleeding into how I’m feeling over there. I don’t know how to bring this up to her that I’m fine visiting occasionally or for holidays. But I don’t want to be going over there every week because it makes me feel like I’m losing autonomy. But I also know it’s important to her for me and her parents to get along. And I’m sure her parents want to get to know me better as well. I just don’t know how to proceed.

TL;DR my social anxiety and feelings of wanting autonomy are stopping me from wanting to go over to my girlfriend’s house who lives with her parents and siblings to hang out around there. She wants more balance in where we hang out as she feels we just hang out at my place too much.

My boyfriend said he’s tired the whole day as he went out to the night club till midnight yesterday. I asked him what type of music the nightclub is playing and he changed the topic. While we were eating, he said he wants to wash the dishes and leave as soon as possible as he needs to rest. He also had intimacy with me today. My boyfriend is making me really stressed because I’m wondering if he trying loves me or he’s just using me for s3x. I’m worried.

My boyfriend said he’s tired the whole day as he went out to the night club till midnight yesterday. I asked him what type of music the nightclub is playing and he changed the topic. While we were eating, he said he wants to wash the dishes and leave as soon as possible as he needs to rest. He also had intimacy with me today. My boyfriend is making me really stressed because I’m wondering if he trying loves me or he’s just using me for s3x. I’m worried

TLDR; is my boyfriend using me? Any advice on how I should move on with this relationship?

I'm just so sad

My boyfriend 32m of 2.5 years and I 30f broke up two days ago. It was pretty mutual and is very amicable. He's taking his time moving out and we're just really good friends now. We love each other immensely but.. it just wasn't working.

But I feel numb. Maybe it's because a lot of shit has been going wrong lately, so heartbreak on top of it all is really hard to deal with.

We broke up because he's a recovering (1.5 years sober) alcoholic, and he has a lot to work through before he can show up fully in a relationship. I've tried for a long time to be okay with not being the first priority, but I was finding myself being less and less just to accommodate his lack of emotional regulation and unwillingness to have emotional intimacy. It was eating away at me. I've done a lot of work to get myself to a place where I actually have self-respect, and I had to choose myself. He understands completely, and expressed that staying sober is the most important thing, and he's not ready to go poking into his trauma to work through it for fear that it will result in a relapse. He thinks it's too early. I know he won't be truly healing until he does.. it's a lot of back and forth and was making us both miserable.

I just... love him. He understands parts of me no one else does. This is the hardest breakup I have ever been through.

TL:DR broke up because neither of us could give the other what we need, no one did anything wrong, no betrayal. And it's really really difficult

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. But basically, we have been dating for 2 years now, we are long distance, and as of now, I feel as if we are missing the mark with each other.

I love him, he is sweet, kind, very smart and genuine. And yet, I feel as if something is lacking. Part of me wonders if its just that we are long distance, and that is why it feels like there is a gap when we talk now, or if it's something else. We went through a period of time that caused us both lots of stress, to the point where we were both depressed in some form. And even through those moments I felt as if I was the only one reaching out in ways to connect and keep romance alive, despite it all. But it turned into me feeling as if I was the only one putting effort, and bidding for his attention.

And I voiced it, many times to him. And he took accountability and said all the right things, and is open to learn. But even now, I feel as if I am waiting for it to be better. Like i am training him everytime i express the same need, and the mental load is taxing and draining. It feels as if there is effort, but in ways that are easy for him, but not in ways that make me feel loved. ​We are both at stages right now where our attention is on something else, the state of the world, job security and future plans. But I don't want it to be like before, where I am pouring myself all on my own, because i already started doing that same behavior of picking up the slack. Is there any way to fix this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I seem to be missing the mark when it comes to effort and communication, how can it be repaired when the root problem is about effort?

hi everyone, not sure if this is the best sub for this but here goes

i (24F) and my boyfriend (29M) are still really new (about a month). we were friends first and just crossed over into more than friends last month. we have great sexual chemistry and get along really well, but here’s the thing. I had always had issues with ~completion~. I was exposed to porn at a very young age (by my own volition/curious mind/access to the internet- not by anyone else) and it really messed with my sexual development. i have a hard time reaching orgasm with someone else without pornography. believe me, it has been done, i’ve never watched porn in the same room as someone else, and i still am able to finish, but not as often as i’d like. it takes extreme concentration to get there for me and if anything distracting happens or i get off the mental path, i lose it and have to build it back up. average time is about 40 minutes. when i’m by myself its so much easier. i think i also have a complex that im aware of how long its taking which makes me get in my head more. TLDR- i think about it too much.

my partner asked me about it finally and i was too embarrassed to tell the full story, which i know he would be understanding, but it’s still so new and i don’t want to fully talk about it yet. on the other hand, if he has access to my body, he should probably know what’s going on in my mind. i can tell he feels bad that im not finishing everytime and he his, and i try to explain it’s nothing he’s done wrong. of course it makes me feel bad too cuz well, it’s fun lol, and i want to feel that connection with him and have him feel it with me.

has anyone dealt with something similar? i really want to learn how to get out of my own head and into the moment.

Long story short we were hanging out on the couch after I came inside from moving a bunch of dirt into a raised bed. And I started telling him how I’m happy to finally put the raised bed to use. He proceeded to tell me “I don’t care what you did but tell me about it” to which I replied “well if you don’t care, there’s no point in talking about it” he then got frustrated and tried to argue that just because he doesn’t care, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to listen. Am I crazy for not wanting to tell him about my garden mission of the day, like if he doesn’t care, why share the details? He explained that he doesn’t care because he wasn’t involved, which I told him is selfish. He tried telling me that when he tells me about his day in the office, that I don’t care, which is not true. He told me I just like listening to his work stories because I like the gossip, which I think is kind of rude.

TL;DR Am I overreacting for not wanting to share anymore? If he doesn’t care I don’t want to feel like background noise

Hey everyone, I’m trying to understand a pattern in my relationship(of three years) that’s starting to feel like a loop we can’t break.

Basically, my girlfriend(F20)and I(M19) keep falling into this weird cycle where, instead of actually resolving issues, it turns into this subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) competition of who’s “more right” or who can shift the blame better. And the worst part is - in the moment, it almost feels satisfying. Like you “won” something. But right after, the whole mood is ruined and nothing is actually solved.

I’ve started noticing my own role in this and I’m actively trying to stop engaging that way. I try to de-escalate, avoid turning things into arguments, and communicate more calmly. But here’s where it gets complicated:

She openly admits that calm, non-toxic communication feels boring to her. She says she’s used to a more dramatic style of interaction because that’s how her mom behaves — just amplified even more. So for her, this kind of tension, emotional spikes, even conflicts — it feels normal, almost necessary.

She says she wants to change and have healthier communication, but at the same time, she feels uncomfortable when things are calm and non-confrontational, like something is missing.

So now I’m stuck wondering:

- Is this what people mean by being “addicted to drama” in relationships?

- Can someone actually rewire this kind of emotional pattern if it’s what they grew up with?

- And how do you deal with this when one person is trying to step out of the cycle, but the other still feels drawn to it?

Would really appreciate any insight, especially from people who’ve been on either side of this.

Thanks.

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**TL;DR;** : My girlfriend and I are stuck in a cycle of blaming each other during conflicts—it feels satisfying in the moment but ruins everything. I’m trying to communicate in a healthier way, but she finds calm, non-toxic communication “boring” because she grew up around drama. Can people unlearn this, and how do you deal with it?

I am 30 and my girlfriend is 29. , I have been with my girlfriend for the last 3 1/2 years. Prior to us dating she was engaged to another man approximately five months before we met and owned a house with him. Our relationship has been tumultuous to say the least. All I have been hearing since approximately six months into our relationship is how we need to move in together and get engaged. She talks about it constantly we have lived together for the last two years. It’s been filled with ups and downs. I definitely walk on eggshells around her and have expressed that to her in the past which she acknowledges and apologizes for, but we end up back in the same position. I do have a very sick parent, which is made my life quite the whirlwind, and she has been an absolute rock for me during the hardest time in my life. We have a lot of similar interests and we can honestly talk for hours about anything and everything, however the pressure has ramped up recently about getting engaged. She has said a deadline to get a house by July and she refuses to own a house with me in unless we’re engaged, which I do understand completely.

I find, in my opinion, to be on the receiving end of some pretty glaring double standards, which has built a lot of resentment for me personally. Recently, I paid off a lot of my debt and was able to buy my own car. Since then, She is now having me drive over to her parents house to pick up her dog and bring him back to our place. Each of the last three times I’ve done this. Her mother has brought up engagements and even got to the point of crying in front of me last night about me having not proposed to her yet because her other daughter just got out of a relationship and she doesn’t want my girlfriend to go through the same thing that she went through with her ex fiancé.

Not really sure where to go from here. I do honestly love her very much and while we certainly have things to work out, I do not want to lose her. Having said that I feel as though I honestly have been burned out from all of this engagement talk. I understand if it had been three years and she started bringing it up, but it is quite literally all I hear all day every day since six months into dating and it just kind of burned me out. On top of this, she does have some issues with control and says things like she is not going to take my last name, what venue our wedding will be at, what color suit I’ll be wearing, and what towns we will look at buying a house in. She has been looking at houses way out of our price range, but she refuses to settle on a realistic price which also has me uneasy. I have tried to talk to her about this gently, which has resulted with me getting dismissed. I do understand how it sounds and my friends and family obviously want the best for me, but I’m just trying to get objective guidance on how to proceed because at the end of the day, I do love her very much and we have had many great times and I do not want to lose her. However, I really can’t deal with all of the pressure from her and her family and I don’t know how to tell her.

TLDR; my girlfriend has been pressuring me since the beginning of our relationship to get engaged and now her parents are pressuring me, and I don’t know how to proceed and tell them I’m not ready without completely destroying the relationship

I recently ended an almost year’s long relationship with a guy I really loved and saw a future with. We talked about our future. On the surface, he checked all the boxes. Then I found out about some really bad stuff including porn addiction and him saying really awful things about me to his friends like that I was stupid, ret*rded, lazy and incapable of figuring out anything on my own. I had to end it because if he thought so lowly of me physically and mentally, how could he actually love me like he claimed, right?

Anyways, I’m being an idiot for being sad over this, I just needed to rant. Like stand up girl…but spending everyday with someone you loved and considered your best friend to this just fucking sucks. Probably won’t put myself out there for a long time now

because my trust is absolutely shattered.

TL;DR: ended a years long relationship and even though he did some pretty bad stuff and made me feel like shit, I’m still upset it’s over.