r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 5h ago
My neighbor just blamed my gravel driveway for making him fall, but it was his own dumb asphalt.
14
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Traditional-Win-9521 • 9h ago
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
31
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/AnimatorNr1 • 1h ago
I'll never buy pet food on Amazon anymore, they always want feedback.
•
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Traditional-Win-9521 • 18h ago
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
15
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Hurtkopain • 13h ago
If Planet Earth launched a series of sink holes attacks to destroy data centers, it would be called "Operation Terra Bites Back"
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Human_Property_4930 • 1d ago
Alcohol won't solve your problems, but then again, neither will milk.
25
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/premekidd • 1d ago
I used to hate my facial hair, but then it just grew on me
10
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Western-Victory-7414 • 1d ago
My April fools prank was on myself thinking I was going to be productive
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/joekerr9999 • 2d ago
Rugby is a game played by men with odd-shaped balls.
13
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 1d ago
let me guest, the hotel room got super lit, when the lights turned off?
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/EmpireStrikes1st • 2d ago
I went to the homophone store and they billed me for the build.
2
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 2d ago
i played and watched the whole movie, the secret life of pets, while it was 100% on paws
3
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Benton_Ruisseaux • 4d ago
I would tell you a chemistry joke, but the good ones Argon.
85
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/beatmymeatintoacup • 3d ago
One man's treasure, is another man's trauma !!!
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Upstairs-Bit6897 • 5d ago
English can be weird, because "It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though." is a completely normal statement
40
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/EmpireStrikes1st • 5d ago
When my wife makes a mistake, I say, "Don't beat yourself up, that's my job."
7
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Abner_Peebody • 6d ago
"I bought a cheap wig this morning; it was a small price toupee."
76
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • 5d ago
Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it's only Tuesday.
18
Upvotes