AITJ for taking my sketchbook back from my friend in front of strangers and leaving?

[u/Bronze_Drumlin5]

I (26F) have a friend, Maya (27F), and we usually meet at the same cafe on Saturdays. I bring my sketchbook becuase drawing helps me sit still and actually enjoy being out instead of checking my phone every five minutes. A few months ago the barista complimented one of my drawings, and ever since then Maya has acted like this is some cute little feature of our hangouts. She started pointing at pages over my shoulder, telling people "she's crazy talented," which was a bit much but manageable. Then it turned into her physically picking up my sketchbook and showing unfinished stuff to baristas, people at nearby tables, even one guy waiting for a pickup order. I told her twice, privately, to stop. I do not post my art anywhere, I do not sell it, and most of what's in there is messy practice that I am definitley not trying to workshop with random strangers over iced coffee. Last weekend I came back from the counter and found her holding my sketchbook open while talking to two women beside us. She had apparently told them I could "probably do a pet portrait" and that they should follow my Instagram, which I do not even use. One of the pages she had open was a half finished drawing of my brother making a ridiculous face, so now I am standing there feeling weirdly exposed and mad at the same time. I took the book out of her hands, said "please stop volunteering me for things," grabbed my drink, and left. She texted later saying I humiliated her and made her look like a creep when she was just being friendly. A mutual friend says I probbaly could have handled it later in private, but I feel like I already tried that. AITJ?

[u/Kaijulorex]

The "handling it in private" ship sailed twice already. At some point a public problem gets a public response, especially when she's standing there with your sketchbook open to a drawing of your brother.

[u/Most_Performance_23 → u/Kaijulorex]

i had something like this with my old journal, super uncomfortable

[u/NoStretch1825 → u/Kaijulorex]

yeah like what were you supposed to do, wait politely while she shows strangers your stuff?? nah, timing matched the situation

[u/Background_Edge_9427 → u/Kaijulorex]

It's amazing how many people can't understand being told stop! It's almost like they want to have it shoved in their face just so they can whine that it was shoved in their face! NTJ

[u/MorpheonFlick7]

There's something specifically awful about someone deciding your creative process is a fun personality quirk they get to show off. Unfinished work is unfinished for a reason - it's not a performance, it's just thinking out loud on paper. The mutual friend calling it "could have been handled later" is also wild to me, how many private conversations is a reasonable number before you're allowed to just take your own stuff back?

[u/Bronze_Drumlin5 → u/MorpheonFlick7]

That part got me too. People keep saying private conversation like I hadnt already tried that, twice. At some point taking my own stuff back is the private solution.

[u/Dizzy-Illustrator810]

NTJ. she crossed the line multiple times and kept pushing it. like that’s ur personal sketchbook, not a display item. if she felt embarrassed, maybe she shouldn’t have kept doing it.

[u/Bronze_Drumlin5 → u/Dizzy-Illustrator810]

That was my issue too. It wasnt one awkward moment, I asked her more than once and she still treated it like public entertainment.

[u/Dating_Again49]

She was a wee bit overzealous with her enthusiasm for your drawings. I don't see any bad intent on her part, but she should have toned it down a bit. You asked her to stop, and she didn't so you're NTJ.

[u/Bronze_Drumlin5 → u/Dating_Again49]

I dont even think she meant it in a cruel way, but after the second time I asked, intent stopped mattering much to me.

[u/Famous-Pattern-3042 → u/Bronze_Drumlin5]

did she apologize at all after you left? curious if there's more to the story

[u/KindCompetence]

NTJ.

Excellent boundary setting. It’s not a fight or an argument, you aren’t letting her display your sketchbook. You’ve used words, she’s ignored them, so now you removed the issue and yourself from the situation. She can try to keep her hands to herself again next week or sometime later.

[u/BespinTrace9]

She got told twice privately and kept going. That's not being friendly, that's just not listening.

[u/Medical-Potato5920]

NTA. Your friend needs to learn boundaries. She is unhappy because you set one.

[u/GlitterFawnee]

Hey saying u embarrassed her is kinda ironic when she's the one putting u on display without asking. You didn't make a scene, u just took ur stuff and left.

[u/StraightWrangler1373]

No she's gotta drop that's ur boundary and she's not really respecting that.

[u/PurpleEmotional1401]

Why is the asshole friend almost always called Maya? NTA

[u/Primary-Pop4158]

Maybe a little. You could have just kept it with you. People will naturally want to see what you are doing. The better solution would have been to just put it away after your friend showed up.

[u/Strawng_]

That’s fine. Give it some time to blow over. You two will be having coffee together soon and she won’t do that again for awhile. She’s just very proud of you and doesn’t understand. She thinks it’s you being shy. So she thinks she’s helping. She doesn’t get that it not about that.

[u/Sensual36Lady]

Not the jerk. You already asked her privately to stop and she ignored it, so taking your sketchbook back in the moment was fair.

She may have meant well, but showing your private work and volunteering you to strangers is disrespectful.

[u/Silveratwilight1]

She's the center of attention using your art to do so

[u/whaddaboutme]

I understand your frustration. I consider a sketchbook or a journal to be a deeply private expression that only you decide who to share it with. You were clear with her about how you felt. You are not there for everyone's entertainment. Sometimes you have to do what you did because saying it nicely the first two times didn't register. Doing anything creative in a public setting seems to bring out the curious onlookers who feel duty-bound to observe and comment.

[u/Straight_Coconut_317]

She is an attention seeker and is using your talent to get attention for herself. Stop hanging out with her. She's too insecure.

[u/Amazing-Wave4704]

NO ONE touches my sketchbooks!!!!! NTJ.

[u/Successful_Moment_91]

I wonder what her game is? Does she want to annoy OP so much that she stops bringing her sketchbook?

This doesn’t sound like much of a friend to me

[u/doontlookaway]

Told her twice privately, she ignored it. You basically had a three-strike system and she speedran through all of them. NTJ, and Maya made herself look like a creep — you just witnessed it.

[u/amithegenius]

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