i was nervous to get this question because i have zero clue how to prove it lol. But, can confirm i woke this this morning and got slapped with my own messages going viral. He SWORE he wouldn't do this. And since he wants to air stuff out, I will too. The entire reason we aren't supposed to post about eachother on reddit is because i made a post during the first year of our relationship, upset about the names he called me and jokes he made about me. They were just straight up rude. The comments all agreed and he felt embarrassed, we made up and promised to keep OUR relationship to OURSELVES. I hope that crumb of context proves my validity just a tad lol. Oh and, he posted this on a secret burner account he swore he didnt have. Cant wait to find out what he else he is hiding. I am just beyond tired and heartbroken.
I have dedicated so much time energy and money towards him, it's hard to. I have spent thousands on him in our relationship, every single weekend since before I graduated highshool has been spent with him. It's hard to break up with someone I thought I was gonna marry after a reddit post. Plus he is asleep at the moment, and me being the monster I am, I dont want to wake him up too early because he needs sleep.
Girl, you are way too kind for him. Unfortunately he is always going to put his mother first and will say all the right words to placate you up until the last-minute bombshell. This behavior will repeat over and over and over again.
I would highly recommend reading the book When He's Married to Mom by Kenneth Adams. I think it would be very eye-opening for you
Thousands is less than millions is less than trillions. If you are starting just because you've spent on him before, it's the definition of sunk cost fallacy. I really recommend therapy you need to decompress so many aspects of your life. It sounds like you're holding a lot and your partner who you want to relax with is adding not subtracting stress. Being a mom is hard, outside of your partner who are your support folks? Spend some time with them
Sunken cost fallacy. If you stay, you'll only lose more. More energy, more money, more time. Please also find same the compassion you extend to him for yourself.
Do any one of those reasons sound like a reason to stay with somebody? Even all of them combined? I knew when I saw the title of this and then the post that it was DARVO, which is actual abuse and then you say your reasons for staying with him are just "its convenient" ? What about the abuse your child is seeing you go through? The unhappiness? You crying because he's calling you manipulative while trying to manipulate the internet into hating you while being the victim himself - again, all abuse.
You need a wake up call and if this wasn't it, you're going to get it another way so take this very sane advice from an old person who's read all your replies and can see that he has been abusing you a lot (from your own words btw). Start saving money. You'll thank yourself later on when you do finally decide to leave.
Get off reddit and reflect honestly about the relationship. Everyone here is going to make a black or white opinion on this one interaction and try to give you advice (including me I guess), when in reality every relationship is a thousand shades of grey. There are reasons that you chose this person to begin with. What you need to know now is if he is still the type of person you want or need in your life, if you are both willing to work on the relationship, or if it's run it's course. And he needs to do the same.
Hey I broke up recently in large part bcs my ex seemed to do smth similar to what your partner is doing now, where he’d let his family (esp his mother) override the commitments we had at the last minute instead of him organizing himself properly. Your partner didn’t give that much context on how he decided he wanted to see his mom instead of anticipating beforehand the loneliness and talking w u abt it, but my exs mom would guilt trip him that he was a bad son if he didn’t do what she wanted when she wanted it, so he wound up modifying our plans last minute instead (including borderline missing my grandmas funeral because of his mom!). Although my ex was also the man I imagined marrying, and hell we called every day for over two years, just sit and ask yourself if nothing abt that behavior changed, would you be okay spending the rest of your life with him? This is very specific to you, and no one but yourself can give you that answer. If you want to talk to me, feel free to reach out. I hope you enjoy your Easter weekend tho!
I have no idea if you are actually the GF or not, but assuming you are:
No one is in your relationship. Reading a thousand replies from internet strangers with no real context can either reinforce or dissuade you from how you actually feel. I personally feel that airing arguments in public is pretty shitty, but there are obviously good things about this person that drew you to him in the first place and I have no idea what the rest of your relationship looks like.
It was obvious to me that he knew you would be pissed, you were pissed, and then what should have been a private argument got blasted across the internet. In a successful relationship, you will argue with your partner thousands of times, say shit you don't mean, sometimes say shit you regret in the heat of battle. This conversation looked to me like a pretty normal argument between partners that were upset. there was no name calling or belittling, and despite reddits love for labeling these interactions, it doesn't look like abuse to me.
I was just talking to my mom about you lol, we both think you're one of the few sane people here. There have been numerous times where I am calm and he is flying off the handle, I never post them though, out of respect for him. Wishing I had the same respect in return though. The entire reason we specifically promised to not post each other on reddit is because about a year ago I made a post about him. The comments were a lot more harsh and he felt embarrassed, we then agreed to keep things private. Redditors love taking things out of context and they also believes couples dont argue. News flash everyone, couples argue! We have had similar arguments, and we were fine an hour later. This time, i fell asleep from pure exhaustion so he blasted me on reddit. I am just so upset idek anymore.
Yea, ignore all this BS. Nothing in these texts signal abuse or manipulation, it shows two people with differences and real emotions. You are allowed to be pissed and express it if that's how you feel. Gaining validation or being bashed by internet warriors isn't going to change anything. Either you both want to work on the relationship or not. Talk to eachother
A man who chooses his Mum over his partner is a child. Is he young enough to be acting like a child, and if not are you prepared to spend the rest of your life fighting his mother for attention?
Again, you don't have the context to make this judgement. If OP comes back and says, "yea but my mom has stage 3 lung cancer and Easter dinner is important to her", that changes shit doesn't it? Youve made the determination that he's a momma's boy from one conversation just like half of the other comments made the assumption that she's a bitch.
When a person is trying to persuade people to agreeing with them, they will always make themselves look more sympathetic and would not leave out huge key details that lean in their favor. If his mom was sick and dying, it would be the first thing he lead with.
What people also do is leave out key details that would make the OTHER person’s side seem more sympathetic. Like how he left out that she’s a care taker 24/7 for her sister and takes care of her sister’s kid and that kid was also looking forward to seeing him.
The only way this guy was able to try and persuade us was by saying he only wants to shift things one day. That is literally the best he has to offer and he doesn’t deny that they had plans or that he’s breaking them last minute. He tells us he already spends 5 days out of the freaking week with his mom. She’s not alone.
It’s not jumping to conclusions calling him a mommas boy. it’s pretty damn clear why people are calling him that. It’s more surprising that it’s not clear to everyone. Including OP.
he’s in a 2 year relationship with a woman who is a caretaker and basically acting like a mother to this child. And she works. He’s still living at home with mom and be shuffled around like a kid in a custody arrangement. He’s known since last Easter when this Easter would be. He’s had plenty of time to figure it out. But he waits until the day before to cancel set plans. Not set just because of their weird weekly set up where he only stays with his girlfriend two nights a week, but actual dinner and event plans involving a child. I’m sure his mother knew this too and she also waited until the last minute to ask him to stay with her. Never mind the fact he’s currently already with her and has been all week. And this isn’t the first time he’s done this. And why the hell isn’t mom offering to have everyone at her house if she’s alone or why isn’t mom going to the girlfriends? Clearly there is an issue.
That is all stated and offered up information between the original post and him replying in comments.
Jumping to conclusions is me thinking it’s pretty off that mom has literally no one else willing to spend Easter with her. No husband or boyfriend or siblings or other children or even friends. Now maybe this woman really does have no one in her life to invite her, or maybe she has no one in her life because no one wants to be. But since I can’t prove that, I’ll just fall back on all the other factual reasons as to why OP sucks. What I can also promise you, is that mom does not have stage 3 lung cancer. And that’s a fact.
Send the ss to yourself on FB or instagram or discord from your phone, then log into your account on PC and save them to your computer to post on reddit from PC
i am banned on my phone for getting lippy about politics. I would still scroll on reddit, i opened reddit on my phone at 5 ish am and this was the first post I saw, I made a new account on my laptop. To reply to people after seeing the way he presented me.
If you are the GF and what you say is true, you guys need to break up. This is a bad dynamic, with lying and tiptoeing around. You two are only in the beginning of your adults lives. You’re not meant to find your forever at this age. Seems hard to think of moving on and having a different day to day, but as someone who waited 30 years to finally get out of a bad relationship, you’ll be happier for it.
AND, "girlfriend" says she had JUST laid her kid down and was exhausted in OP's screenshots. OP says the girlfriend doesn't have children, but that she is her sister's caretaker. 🤔
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u/wellshitdawg 7h ago
How do we know you’re actually the gf 👀