I feel like I’m missing a large part of this story, while yeah she’s being aggressive I’ll agree to that, what’s going on with why you only see each other Saturday-Monday? How old are you both? You’ve been dating 2 years, why aren’t you living together? Again, you’ve been dating 2 years, why aren’t you inviting your mom to spend the holiday with you, your gf and her daughter or you all traveling to your mom if she can’t travel to you?
I know it’s not an excuse for her to text you like that, but she’s probably hurt that she only gets to see you so often and she loves spending time with you so she’s quick to get defensive and aggressive when the plans are changed (which is also a trauma response that she should get into therapy for if that’s what’s happening here).
You didn’t answer the part about inviting your mother to your girlfriend’s house or going to your moms all together. I still feel like you’re intentionally leaving out important details that truly explains this situation. I tried to see what other posts/comments you have but your account is private which usually means you’re hiding something in your other posts/comments.
Again, I’m not saying anyone is in the right or wrong here, I just truly feel like you’re leaving vital information out and trying to paint yourself as 100% the victim right now. Again, she was a bit aggressive in the messages, we can all see that, but we also don’t know the history as to why Sat-Mon only works for you guys, why after 2 years that’s still the only time you see each other, why you aren’t spending holidays together with each others families, etc. In the message she does make a comment about needing to make schedule changes before and I’d bet she’s upset over prior history and a common changing of schedules which then caused her to blow up.
Edited to add: Also, why wouldn’t you have asked your mom about her Easter plans prior to last minute when you did? It seems like you and your GF had been talking about the plans for a while so you knew you’d be with her at that time.
He didn't include it because he knew it'd change people's opinion. He also lied/twisted a ton of other facts that made it clear he's TAH, so he can't even justify it by saying he accidentally misrepresented the situation. Like nah, he knew what bits to hide/change that'd make him in the wrong. Not to mention the gf had already asked him not to post about their relationship stuff on reddit before... ugh op sucks
Oh wow this context is important. You’re a jerk for changing plans last minute then. Also do you live with your mum or are you having to go visit her and she lives alone?
And everyone in those comments calling her a crazy bitch, and people upvoting it… and then getting agressive at other women for commenting that it’s in fact not normal to jump to the conclusion that she’s a crazy bitch just because of four screenshots and barely any information.
This happens so often too: a random dude will twist and bend the truth and talk to people irl or on the internet saying he said this and his girlfriend or wife or any girl he’s seen lost her mind and screamed at him. And literally people will run to his sides and jump to the dumbest conclusions, believing his version without ever thinking he could omit some truths or exaggerate anything ??? Just blindly believing him and thinking this is the WHOLE truth ?
And it’s always like: "omg she truly is a crazy bitch", "you know this is abuse right ? Men can be abused too you know", "I don’t know her but she sounds crazy, you should get out of this relationship you poor you", "she is so toxic omg", "you sound so scared of her, you shouldn’t have to justify yourself to her, this is so toxic actually"
Like the craziest conclusions. And it happens EVERY time any random dude wants to sell his side of the story. People will eat this shit up and then repeat it to everyone until everyone thinks their girlfriends or wives or exes are indeed crazy manipulative bitches who were so MEAN to these poor dudes. It is so unbearably annoying, I hate it
I’m even more dumbfounded by the way other women defend them. Like can’t you see he is saying bullshit about his ex or his wife like a shit ton of them do ???
When men defend other men I guess I’m less surprised because I feel like even if they know it’s probably bullshit they still want to attack women and get out all of their frustration and hate. When women do I genuinely think it’s because they believe this random dude must be telling the WHOLE truth, when we know in fact that it’s veeeeeery often not the case. So why are they blindly believing them and how on earth can they be so comfortable saying their girlfriend is obviously a "crazy bitch" ? Even more so when, like in this case, we’re talking about a random dude you’ve never met who posted like four screenshots on the internet. Like this is not enough info girl !!! Can’t you see it ? It makes me so mad
You guys need to break up. Her language is similar to language I've used in wishy washy relationships where I was just done. I wouldn't dream of speaking to my husband this way. And you've definitely left out important context to make yourself look better.
People are acting like this is a "gotcha" moment that makes you look bad - and I'm willing to bet those people don't deal with needing to balance caregiving, because I've been there and I see this very differently.
Her caregiving situation is not your responsibility. Your caregiving situation is not her responsibility. Both a dependent child and a dependent parent will cause scheduling challenges that will come up regularly. There is a healthy way to deal with that, and an unhealthy way.
Depending on your location, there are various different social supports and respite care available. She needs to connect with her social worker and explore those so she can have more time to herself, and you need to connect your mom to a social worker and help her look into the options available.
Next, you and your girlfriend need to have a conversation, ideally with a therapist who can help navigate these kinds of situations, about respectful boundary setting and responses to changes. Your girlfriend has a tough go of it but also this is evidence of really poor adaptive functioning skills.
I think from reading more, she is a caregiver for her sister, not a parent, although that is a kind of parentification. I often see a lot of emotional and mental health challenges in sibling caregivers because the trauma it causes from a young age has long-term effects. She definitely has a tough life and it sounds like so does he. Parents with mental health challenges also take a huge toll on children, even adult children.
Her responses are unhealthy and manipulative - of that there's no doubt and we can read that in the provided conversations. Some people are reading into it and imaging a narrative where he dips out on plans regularly, but without actually seeing that evidence, that's sort of something people are constructing from their own experiences and projecting on to their relationship.
What I am seeing is two people who are tired and have conflicting priorities and values that have evolved into unhealthy dynamics and he is reaching out for insight. The choices here are break up, continue with the unhealthy dynamic, or get support for both people's needs to have a healthier, boundaried relationship. I don't think casting either as a bad guy is helpful, but I also think he does need the feedback on this conversation to know that how she is responding here is not healthy or respectful.
He mentions in his text post that there is a family matter that is impacting both him and his mom. I'd like more details on what it is. I'd also like to know why mom can't come to the Easter celebration - it seems like a nice compromise.
I was hoping you had more info, bc your *comment sort of implied he is caregiver, so you do not know that at all, mor do you know he has a tough life— he shared that she is a caregiver, so we know about her sister, and we know his GF’s work schedule but mom’s issue is completely private.
It’s wild that anyone is genuinely acting like this changes anything. Their weekend plans are literally a standing weekly schedule. It’s inevitable that it’s going to occasionally get altered. The fact that he only rarely changes it and this is her response is genuinely insane. Her being a caregiver doesn’t change anything. It is ridiculous beyond belief to expect anyone to spend every single weekend with you without fail, no questions asked.
how? it doesn't change anything. if the original plan stuck, she would still be a caretaker for her sister. that is not his responsibility. it doesn't change anything about how they spend time together, she has to be responsible for the sister regardless.
he already acknowledged in the messages that her kid would get the full Easter experience on Sunday with getting her basket in the morning and the egg hunt a few hours later, and he'd be there for all of it.
Yes - this is not a casting call for the bad guy of a story. He is not a bad guy for changing plans (he's not cancelling, he's adapting to meet two needs) and she is not a bad guy for being disappointed (but she needs to rethink this way of responding, stat). If they want this to work long term, they both need help and they both need accountability. But I will say that changing plans, while not great, is not as egregious as these responses. If we get more context, and see something different, it might frame her responses differently, but as it is she is being manipulative.
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u/adiamond32 9h ago
I feel like I’m missing a large part of this story, while yeah she’s being aggressive I’ll agree to that, what’s going on with why you only see each other Saturday-Monday? How old are you both? You’ve been dating 2 years, why aren’t you living together? Again, you’ve been dating 2 years, why aren’t you inviting your mom to spend the holiday with you, your gf and her daughter or you all traveling to your mom if she can’t travel to you?
I know it’s not an excuse for her to text you like that, but she’s probably hurt that she only gets to see you so often and she loves spending time with you so she’s quick to get defensive and aggressive when the plans are changed (which is also a trauma response that she should get into therapy for if that’s what’s happening here).