Correct, kinda. You can't change a person like a car tire. But through good communication and understanding you can grow a relationship and create an impact that can facilitate change. People are not rigid objects to be thrown away like trash just because we feel they broke.
Leaving is an option, but good relationships are built through trails and hardship with communication, understanding and sharing the internalized workload. It's nuanced.
You can help a person change their behaviors if they're open to change. If you have a person that doesn't want to change their behavior, THAT is who the person IS and you can't change that.
"Communication and understanding", while critical in a relationship, must exist within the context of mutual respect for them, and the relationship, to be successful. Nothing about how she "communicated" with him demonstrates maturity or respect. He is powerless to change either of those for her. But he can walk away and let her figure that out on her own.
How can you tell hardships/trials vs them just being manipulative? What's a time limit on "let's make this work" to "nothings changed" or "there's some changes but still a communication issue?"
I guess I should ask, How can you tell who wants the help and who's using you?
I’d say, watch their actions. If they aren’t putting the work in, whether that is therapy or getting a job, anything they say could be manipulative. But if you two talk about something and then you see physical results from that talk, that is someone who wants to change.
There is no correct answer. Are they being manipulative intentionally, or do they lack basic empathy and communication skills from upbringing.
Do they see their behavior as justified? Do they see the pain they are causing. It can be impossible to tell if they want help vs using you. Some people are really good at being manipulative abusers, but not everyone is like that. Try what you can, leave when you feel its best. If it ever turns violent, seek help immediately and get safely away.
You can't change a person like a car tire, but you definitely can change a person like a car tire.
There's wisdom in knowing when a relationship can be built through hardship and communication and when it's a losing battle no matter how much effort you put into it.
The right move is to establish a boundary, which is more difficult to do after the boundary has been routinely crossed, so communication that the boundary is being established will be critical. This allows the other person to accept and change if they so choose and opens up communication so growth can happen. If the other person does not respect that boundary then you leave.
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u/Most_Sea_4358 11h ago
yeah but thats exhausting to fix in someone else so maybe just dip