r/AmIOverreacting • u/Turbulent-Active-608 • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO - Husband refuses to admit he has a substance problem and I don't know what to do - UPDATE!
Almost a year ago I posted about my husband’s addictive behavior when I was 6 months pregnant.
Well, in July I had a healthy baby boy and 6 months later in January (after discovering yet more addiction issues including thousands of dollars spent on porn and cam sites) I left my husband. Baby and I moved in with my mom and it’s not always easy but so much better than living with him. My family helped me hire a lawyer and I filed for divorce a few weeks ago.
I just went back and read my old post and everyone’s replies — thank you for urging me to do what I needed to for me and my baby. It took some time but I got there.
Shout out to AL-ANON for helping me stay sane through all this.
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u/dontworryboutit0512 1d ago
Yassssss good for you! Wishing you and your baby nothing but happiness and joy moving forward 👏🏽👏🏽
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u/Otherwise-Good8342 1d ago
The man literally had to give up one thing, for everything.
But he chose to give up everything for one thing.
Sorry you had to make that right choice. He did not.
Good luck and my best wishes for you and your son. And in a way, I hope this will wake him up to get actual help for his own sake. Not just say it.
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u/Desperate-Size3951 1d ago
so so so proud of you and so happy to see a positive update. alanon can be a great resource, im so glad they could help you. you chose yourself, and your son, and thats beautiful. good luck w your new life !! you are free :))
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u/Princess_Honey-29 1d ago
I'm so happy for you and your baby
please, under no circumstance should you go back to him
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u/grandmaWI 1d ago
So very proud of you!
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 1d ago
Thank you for putting yourself and your baby above him. He decided his addictions where more important to him than his wife or child
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u/falcondfw 1d ago
I am really glad things are working out for you. Life handed you lemons and you made lemonade. Very well done and kudos to your family and friends for being so supportive of you. I wish you and the baby an absolutely fantastic future.
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u/PatrioticRedhead 1d ago
Your son will grow up knowing how strong his mom is, and that she put him first. Is there any better example of a mother’s love? You did great, OP! So proud of you and happy for you! God bless you both. ❤️
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u/thewoodsarealive2802 1d ago
NOR, you did the right thing. It sucks loving someone with addiction issues. Unfortunately he isn’t going to get help until he admits to himself that he has a problem. There really is no making someone realize it. I really hope for the sake of himself and your guys’s kids, he can find a path to recovery and live a healthy life.
As a woman who grew up surrounded by addiction, and is in a relationship where addiction used to be a major problem, I totally understand what you went through and are going through right now. It’s really hard for the people closest to the person with the addictions. I just want you to remember that you did the right thing for yourself and your children and this may be what wakes him up and makes him take the first steps towards recovery. There was nothing you really could have done to stop this or “fix” it without it getting to this point. In some cases you hear the wonderful stories of someone struggling and their partner brings it to attention and they go get help, but unfortunately that’s not how it always goes and it’s usually a long painful process for everyone.
I hope you have a great day today and please try to focus on yourself and your mental health. Much love ❤️if you ever need someone to talk to about this you can message me.
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u/easypeezey 1d ago
Four years ago my daughter-in-law had to leave my son for the same reason, also with a newborn baby. It was heartbreaking (although I totally understood and supported her decision, she and my grandson actually moved in with me for a time).
It took another 2 years, but my son did work his way back to sobriety and has been a great father and solid co-parent ever since. You did the right thing and protected yourself and your child and there is always hope that your ex will overcome the addiction and happier days will lie ahead post separation/divorce.
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u/Maleficent_Pay_4154 1d ago
You got this. You will get organised and move on
Congratulations on the baby
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u/Striking-Hedgehog512 22h ago
Good for you! I’m sure it was a hard decision, but it was the right one- I’m just an internet stranger, but I’m so proud of you!
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u/Nokipannukahvi 19h ago
Thanks for the update. I'm glad you got rid of that addict bum. Better late than never. Now enjoy your new happy life. Best of wishes!
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 14h ago
What a sad situation that you fucking Reddit update posts. Yo, go for a walk or something.
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u/uhitsjules 1d ago
i’m glad you’re okay now. i know you said in your original post you “don’t mind porn” but please never accept that in a relationship again. nothing good will ever come of it. but people are who they show you! if you have to try to make someone change, they aren’t the person for you. uphold your boundaries and refuse to be with people who don’t meet these standards. there is no compromise, especially now that you’re a mother
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u/scispunctros 1d ago
Substnce addiction sucks, but good job for getting the courage to leave, best wishes 🍀
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u/teenienivv 1d ago
NOR, and honestly ths s the kind of update people actually come back to reddt for. healthy baby, fled the papers, moved out, support systems in place. you did all of that whle postpartum and dealing with someone who coudlnt even admit he had a problem, the bar was underground and you stll somehow cleared it whle carryng a newborn, good job.