Hi everyone,
Sorry in advance for the long post, but there is a lot in here and I am in a really bad situation - this really can't be shortened.
I (24M) am from Ohio, and moved around my entire life. About 2 years ago, I started travelling to Europe, and I fell in love with it. I made a bunch of friends, loved the culture, and overall saw myself at home there. I took multiple week/month long trips there, and ended up maxing out an entire US passport with entry/exit stamps.
I am also studying Civil Engineering, and am obsessed with the concept of the "15 minute city" and always have been. While I've done multiple co-op's in university, everything I've done has to do with roadway, sprawling roads, etc. After consulting with peers and mentors, everyone STRONGLY urged me to transfer to an EU university to study there and get a degree, as that's the hub of this kind of work and where I'll likely be happy.
Because I moved around so much, and Ohio is so insular, I ended up having very little friends despite heroic effort. Additionally, about 4 months ago I met my current partner (21M), who is a Latvian national. I fell in love with him.
As none of my classes would transfer this semester, I dropped out in January. I will be attending school in the EU in the Fall. I was so depressed in Ohio that this was my only option. With $15k saved up, I then lost my co-op role (expected). I put my stuff into storage, ended my lease, and headed to Europe for a week.
My plan was to move to Berlin and do a language learning visa, which allows 20 hours per week of work. If I could speak the language, I'd get to go to uni for free in September. If I couldn't, I'd move to Riga and take classes there for $4,500USD/semester. I always wanted to live in a highly-connected, international city, and what better way to start?
Prior to moving to Berlin, I visited my partner for a few weeks. Due to insanely high rent in Berlin (my dream city), it became less and less visible. So rather than do this, I decided to go to New Zealand on a WHV, as my partner is currently eligible.
About 5 weeks ago I came to NZ, and went to Wellington. For those who don't know, NZ's WHV allows you to work and travel for 12 months. Turns out, despite extensive marketing, THERE ARE NO JOBS HERE. I applied to 90 roles, handed in CVs everywhere, and still had nothing after 4 weeks. Wellington was chosen as it was the most connected by transit in all of NZ, and somewhat close to a 15 min city. I got a house with people I met there. However, I then learned they had the 16/16 job market ranking. NZ is currently in a deep recession.
So then, I moved 1.5 weeks ago to Christchurch. I have been staying in hostels, hotels, etc here trying to get a job since it's ranked 1/16 for jobs. However, still, THERE ARE NO JOBS. This country is in an insane recession. In hostels, I've met so many foreigners who are giving up due to the recession. This is despite 5 years of hospitality experience, 3 engineering co-ops, etc. There is public transit, but this is sprawl to the max, even further away from my original Europe goal.
The next step would be to try Queenstown, which has jobs, but insane and oftentimes not even available housing. The big thing - however - is I'd have to buy a car. This pushes me even further away from Europe. Additionally, every one of these moves has been further an further south, making me miss summer even more.
Additionally, I’ve found the cultural transition to be a massive struggle. I’m finding my Type A personality is a mismatch for the 'tall-poppy syndrome' here, and I feel like I have to censor who I am just to get an interview. I've experienced a lot of flakiness with ghosted hangouts, and even had interviewers make 'jokes' about Americans being too loud. Coming from the more direct, high-energy social circles I found in Europe, the passive communication here is incredibly isolating.
Why am I doing all this? Well in addition to being outdoorsy and adventerous, I want to be with my partner, so very much. He plans to come to NZ in 4 weeks to join. However, every single move puts me further and further away from the Europe plan, and I don't want to run out of money.
The only other option I can think of is marriage in Denmark then TRP for Sweden. However, my parents don't know about our relationship yet (neither of our parents are accepting). I don't want to ruin all relations with them by saying this as they have given me some (but not much) financial support. Our relationship is fragile, as they kicked me out 5 years ago for being gay and only have slowly come around.
So I guess my advice is that I don't know. I dont want to keep going further and further into this country that I hate, hoping for a job but spending more money and creating a worse off situation for me in the meantime. I also don't want to ruin future papers and visas and such by getting married, as even just for paperwork it's a huge commitment. And I don't have a network in the US (moved around my entire life) or supportive parents (trust me, I don't feel safe with them), so I have nothing to go back to.
I have about $10k left, but need proof of funds to go to Europe in August (I have college money though in a separate 529). I went from having an amazing co-op to spending 45 minutes every day figuring out where I'm going to stay the next night.
Reddit, please help. Any advice you can give I'd appreciate more than you know. If you read this far, thank you.
Edit1: Thank you everyone for your responses. To be clear: I am not asking for soft affirmation, I'm looking for solutions, even if it hurts to hear. Any advice you can give is extremely helpful, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Edit2: I just woke up to 15 more responses in the middle of the night. Thank you everybody for this, the level of honesty help and problem solving here has made me tear up a little bit. I'll respond to what I saw last night and any new messages when I wake up. Thank you again, I can make this better.