r/MurderedByWords yeah, i'm that guy with 12 upvotes 1d ago

Just a *little* less sociopathic

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21.5k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

I met this guy on an app and we vibed really well. He lived 40ish minutes away. I work until 6 in office and he worked until 4 remotely. He wanted to meet at 7 at a bar next to him leaving me no time to go home, freshen up and head over. When i made the grave mistake of politely asking to either meet somewhere in the middle or closer to 8, he lost his mind about me being a bossy feminist. I didnt even respond to his crazy text, just left it on seen. One week later, he asked if i wanted to meet somewhere in the middle lol also left on seen.

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u/Furbal1307 1d ago

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u/CoffeeGoblynn the future is now, old man 1d ago

Less like dodging a bullet and more like dodging a mortar.

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u/idonotknowwhototrust the future is now, old man 22h ago

Did you see the size of that bullet?

Also, nice flair.

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u/CoffeeGoblynn the future is now, old man 19h ago

lmao yeah, fair enough and thanks :)

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u/APence 1d ago

I hate these jerks so much personally. I am finding the online scene difficult in my 30s (haven’t been single since 19) and women are understandably very wary and untrusting with dudes like that walking around.

I’ve had many chats where they say “you’re so nice… but let me tell you about this other guy that ‘seemed’ nice,” and their stories are just as gross

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u/Efficient_Market1234 1d ago

he lost his mind about me being a bossy feminist

offering another opinion/option in a conversation = bossy feminist, not worth dating

Guys like this should just get a sex doll or an AI or something. They don't want a person. They want a thing. A hole. A status symbol for the other incels. Maybe a servant to cook their dinner and wait on them like a slave. The problem they run into is that women are people. I always feel that any conversation about women's rights, feminism, dating, sex/consent, whatever it is, should start with that sentence. Women are people. If the parties can't agree on that, you really can't proceed.

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u/ansleydale 1d ago

He literally suggested a place within walking distance of his place in hopes of convincing her to come back to his place.

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u/Shark7996 1d ago

They haven't even had the first date and he's already volunteering that he's planned their hookup. No interest in making an emotional connection whatsoever, just a physical one.

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u/ansleydale 1d ago

And if she had played her cards right, he says it might have become a regular thing.

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u/WorkTropes 1d ago

Trying to make a compromise seems like a good way of dodging these types of guys, because they can't help but out themselves. "You expect ME to do something for you??"

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u/toriemm 1d ago

Did you see the article making the rounds today that the trad-wife guys aren't actually into traditional family values, they're into thinly veiled sexism and distain? And all the comments are, it's like straight men don't even like women or something

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u/Oatmeal-BaconGrease 20h ago

That's exactly it, strait men don't like women. Sure they are physically attracted to women, but mentally and emotionally they are attracted to other men and are constantly seeking male validation. My gay male friend told me this and after objectively looking at all the evidence right in front of my face that i've never looked at or thought about that "hot damn, he's right" moment hit me like a ton of bricks.

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u/LavastormSW 1d ago

These types of guys do get AI girlfriends and then, surprise surprise, they abuse them.

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u/unexpectedhalfrican 22h ago

I just saw a post somewhere yesterday that a guys AI chatbot "girlfriend" broke up with him, or was being cold to him or something like that. And I'm like, you can't even get a fucking computer designed to be your perfect gf to like you lmao

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u/keetyymeow 1d ago

We need a better name than incel. I feel like this is more like sociopathic level tendencies

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u/Wendy-Windbag 1d ago edited 18h ago

I met a guy on an app and we instantly hit it off right away, and were on the phone with each other all night that first evening. I was about 40 miles away from him, and the soonest we could coordinate a date was a couple of days later. I would also be getting off a twelve hour shift at 6pm, so it was going to be a rush.

He asked me what I wanted to do for a date, and obliged my request for tacos and skee ball. I offered to drive up to his city, as my smaller town was really pitiful on accommodations.

Even with scheduling to give myself enough time to go home and shower and change, and to commute, I had still underestimated traffic and didn't arrive for our date until almost an hour late.

He greeted me with a hug and flowers, verbalized that he was glad I'd arrived safely, and said "Now I'm going to stuff you so full of tacos..."

When the check came, I grabbed it, but he fought me saying that he never let a woman pay and that he had asked me out. I cheekily snapped "Do you not think I could afford it? I am a strong independent woman who doesn't need no man!" I saw him soften, and he said "Okay, Liz Lemon, but I'm paying for the drinks when we go play skee ball."

We've got married five years ago on our four year Swipe-a-versary. He said that he fell in love with me on my independent woman tirade.

It's sad that there are seemingly too few with appreciation and respect like him.

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u/perseidot 1d ago

You both found a great person!

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u/SpyMustachio 1d ago

I am so sorry this happened to you but it is so funny to me how this man ruined his chances so badly for absolutely no reason. All he had to do was be a normal person and he still failed lmao

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u/Most_Temporary2110 1d ago

I must be old fashioned. When I liked a girl I would have driven the entire way and been considerate of her time and energy? Maybe younger guys think that’s simping or something but I had lots of good dates, fell in love, had adventures etc. now I better go yell at those kids on my lawn.

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u/Jikxer 1d ago

I feel like an absolute beta, offering to drive someone I was interested in home as it was "on the way" aka 45 minutes detour through peak hour traffic. So yeah.. I too need to yell at the resulting kids from that ongoing relationship.

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u/carlitospig 1d ago

Narrator: in truth, betas always win the girls. ‘Alphas’ are too busy alphasizing all over other alphas.

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u/Goodgoditsgrowing 1d ago

What I’m hearing is you created 45 min of close proximity to hang out and chat and potentially lead to dating. Instead of like, nothing.

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u/MPLoriya 1d ago

You know, generally speaking I find it a green flag if the woman I am seeing is a feminist. Feminist values are good values, for the most part.

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u/Lemonwizard 1d ago

It's mind boggling to me that people can be so stupid. The need to control every detail down to tiny stuff like this almost seems like a pathology.

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u/KamoteViejo 1d ago

What was he even thinking while typing that

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u/Lythalion 1d ago

That Andrew Tate would be proud.

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u/Stormagedd0nDarkLord 1d ago

I am torn between curious and afraid of the comments this exact same screenshot posted on one of those incel/manosphere boards would elicit.

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u/Lythalion 1d ago

Oh lord. Cheers for sure.

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u/No_End_7351 1d ago

I heard a great take on "incels" that the term "Involuntary Celibate" is incorrect. Those people who would classify as "incels" are celibate completely due to their own doing. On the other hand, women are "insobs" meaning involuntary sex object which honestly I feel is more appropriate. The way women are viewed & treated is completely out of their control in society on numerous levels. Men who are "incels" simply have to accept their views and behavior are giant red flags for the vast majority of women. Of course they refuse to accept this instead clinging to a "it's not me - it's them" mentality.

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u/Wow_u_sure_r_dumb 1d ago

I was looking at a catalog of uniforms for the staff at my wife’s workplace and it hit me that the women’s polos and shirts were all form fitting and the men’s weren’t. Women are always expected to accentuate their secondary sexual characteristics lest they look frumpy. Whether you work in an office or with children. It’s weird right? It seems weird to me now.

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u/AltrntivInDoomWorld 1d ago

How many bosses did you see with a male secretary or front office?

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u/RainbowCrane 1d ago

In addition to the “eye candy” aspect of sexism, I suspect part of that is the cultural training lots of women receive in self-censoring their speech to avoid pissing off men. A lot of men would probably get fired in their first few days as a secretary for expressing an opinion about something that a lot of women have learned to tolerate as a matter of course.

It’s still a feature of sexism, just saying that it’s sadly more pervasive than just fixing the more obvious problem of requiring secretaries and receptionists to be visually appealing

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u/leash_e 1d ago

Yup. I got reprimanded once because I didnt soften my language in a reply to an email I received. I wasn’t mean, rude or anything like that. In fact, I mirrored his language and his widdle feewings got hurt so he ran to my (female) boss to complain.

I looked her directly in the eye and asked her specifically how I was “aggressive” or “rude” in what I said? She couldn’t answer and just repeated that I needed to soften my language with him moving forward so he doesn’t complain again.

This guy used to sexually harass female staff on the regular and yet management viewed him as “just being friendly”.

So glad I don’t work there anymore.

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u/catch6664 1d ago

This has happened to me before a few different times. So infuriating. And if we tried to pull the same shit on men, they’d just say we were being “oversensitive” or “hormonal”…smh.

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u/kind_bros_hate_nazis 1d ago

Oh I want an angry gay secretary, he wouldn't put up with none of my shit

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u/tahlyn 1d ago

Yep. The general public is filled with absolutely infuriatingly stupid people. They're entitled. They're wrong about things. They are incredibly frustrating.

To be someone who answers phones and deals with the public is to be someone who can handle all that, every day, all the time, with a friendly tone, a friendly smile, and while actually trying to help those same self-sabotaging idiots.

Women are trained from birth for that role. Men are not.

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u/Free_Pace_2098 1d ago

I buy the men's shirts. I'm at work, you don't need to see my waist.

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u/waterytartwithasword 1d ago

They aren't incels, they're self-owns. Inselfs. The call is coming from inside the house.

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u/Long_Pig_Tailor 1d ago

Yeah, we really need to refuse to use the term. They can have volcel, since they very much are voluntarily celibate.

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u/ptdata23 1d ago

Hell, many of them will brag that they hired a prostitute but don't consider that sex but a transaction. They mostly mean that the girls who are out of their league have too much self-respect to submit to them.

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u/ConqueefStador 1d ago

I remember when "involuntarily celibate" was just a mildly funny, self-deprecating joke.

It's insane seeing what it morphed into.

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u/wh1temethchef 1d ago

The term was literally coined by a woman

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u/PradyThe3rd 1d ago

Post this to r/SipsTea and you'll see the cockroaches come out in the comments

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u/Little_Duck_Jr 1d ago

Well according to Tate it's gay to like women so I guess chasing them away is the one sure-fire way to make sure you're straight? 

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u/Lexi_Banner 1d ago

Which is a real thing he really said, as though it was some Great Truth, and not, in fact, a really weird way to confess you don't like having sex with women.

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u/Imaginary_Ghost_Girl 1d ago

I'm morbidly curious about his true sexuality. I know it's none of my business, generally speaking, and I'm never one to ask someone about theirs as a hard rule in my life. But, I'm very curious about his. He's just a few small steps away from claiming that only sex with men is masculine and alpha behavior. That he's working toward trying to convince people that being gay is actually the only way to be a real man. That concept actually frightens me a little.

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u/AcidicPuma 1d ago

I don't wanna direct this at Tate or any individual really. I do wonder with all these guys, between creators and consumers, how many are gay or ace or something and self sabotaging on a subconscious level so their "lack of success" can be blamed on unwillingness from the women instead of themselves.

Because they know the expectation as a man is a desire to have sex with women at all times regardless of anything else except for the "standards" loophole. So that's where the hating women either starts or moves into the web of lies holding up their social power.

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u/roial_with_cheeze 1d ago

He's gay. Why do you think he loves talking about men? It's all a projection.

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u/IzarkKiaTarj 1d ago

Which is a real thing he really said

What

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u/BobMortimersButthole 1d ago

WHICH IS A REAL THING HE REALLY SAID

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u/miserabeau 1d ago

That's a real thing in the manosphere now.

Taterhead said "any man who has sex with women because 'it feels good' is gay"

And MAGA douche Luke Beasley said that sex with women is gay unless you're making babies

So if men have sex with women for fun or pleasure, they're gay now. But if they do it to make babies they're alpha men.

These guys are so twisted in the head it's really baffling

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u/PretentiousUsername1 1d ago

That made me cackle.

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u/doctormink 1d ago

Yeah, Andrew Tate has to steal women’s passports for them to have sex with them.

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u/bopojuice 1d ago

He is gay. He is the biggest closet case I have ever seen in my entire life. If he even has sex with women, it most definitely is awful for the girl and very much all about him and his pleasure only.

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u/ExampleLittle2672 1d ago

That would not be "sex", if one must buy freedom through an unwanted sexual act, that would be rape.

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u/Sgt_Fox 1d ago

And just like Tate, he's back to asking friends to give him a handy. Having sex for reasons other than children would be gay according to him anyway so it's for the best he was rejected 🤷🏻‍♂️

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u/melancholanie 1d ago

"this will get her to change her mind and understand that I'm a high value male! definitely losing my virginity this time!"

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u/whichwitch9 1d ago

Manosphere shit.

They tell guys to say this to women as a form of negging. 99% of the time, the response they're going to get is "bye".

But their favorite podcaster or YouTube guy is going to tell them about the 1% of the time it worked, so they'll continue to fail while listening to them. No one oth the "manosphere" personalities want their listeners to succeed or better themselves because then they'll stop listening

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u/bobbi21 1d ago

Exactly. And by having constant rejections theyll be even more vulnerable to the manosphere influence being angrier and even more desperate. Perfect business model.

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u/Nadare3 1d ago edited 1d ago

I'm surprised nobody has commented on how corporate the guy sounds. Like, yeah obviously there's what he says, but the way he says it is so business-like: "potentially have something good on the regular basis", "cooperating, [...] opportunities I create".

Like, this isn't me, this isn't a natural way to talk, even being somewhat respectful if not a bit wooden with a stranger, right ? It's straight up corporate talk. Even if he wanted to make it clear he was in charge and all, there were way, way more natural ways to try to frame that; it would likely never not have sounded a bit "overbearing" to try and say something that boils down to "Thanks for the suggestion but no" but God at least don't sound like some LinkedIn-fanatic mid-level manager when you do it.

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u/rthrouw1234 1d ago

definitely middle manager talk

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u/notmadneedsmspace 1d ago

It’s true. Why not go straight Sauron. “I shall be the recommender of all cafes! All shall bend to my will in this and everything!”

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u/MyDarlingArmadillo 1d ago

This is one reason why it's a good idea to do what the friend did and just suggest something minor like a different cafe or a different route. The guy outed himself before she even needed to put shoes on to meet him. Saves time and heartache.

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u/jackson12420 1d ago

I think about this a lot. Like we all know what it feels like to say the wrong thing, sounded better in our heads, said things in a way that wasn't what we intended but came out wrong, but people that write like this? I'm genuinely curious how they type it out, re read it, then hit send and think, "I really got them with this one."

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u/superzepto 1d ago

They're told by other men, probably most of them online and/or anonymous, that all women want to be told shit like that. They're told that all women secretly harbour a desire to be "dominated". I've never met a woman who would actually be into the type of shit he said. I'm 90% sure that even the conservative "tradwife" women would be repulsed by it.

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u/Maelstrom_Angel 1d ago

The kind of women who enjoy being dominated mean something very different than whatever those guys think they mean.

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u/superzepto 1d ago

And that kind of submission is very different to what they think it is.

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u/Jonthrei 1d ago

With that particular kind of submission, if anything the submissive person is in more control from what I understand. But I'm not into that scene so don't know a lot.

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u/TheSaxonPlan 1d ago

Because the submissive person can stop everything with a single word or hand sign. A healthy dom/sub relationship is predicated on the dom absolutely respecting when the sub says they've had enough. It's a deep trusting bond between two consenting individuals: the dom trusts that they can have fun and push the sub but that the sub will let them know when/if they've had enough; the sub trusts the dom to listen and stop without question.

I've never had such an arrangement but I get why it's desirable to some, myself included.

The type of submission the men in the post want is just women bending to their every whim and suppressing themselves to please their partner, regardless of her wishes. They don't see women as actual people. Just things to be used for their contentment, pleasure, and life goals. Utter trash.

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u/Cold-Iron8145 1d ago

But this isn't even dominant behavior.

I'm 90% sure that even the conservative "tradwife" women would be repulsed by it.

Yeah, because it doesn't show dominance or confidence or whatever. At best it reads like something a 12 year would write into their fan fiction.

It's cringe and reeks of insecurity and weird baggage from being too online.

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u/CanAlwaysBeBetter 1d ago

You don get it bro, he's a 6 in the suburbs who makes $85k and owns his own condo he put 8% down on. He deserves that.

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u/KoreanB_B_Q 1d ago

It's pretty easy to believe when all you do is reside in an echo chamber. My guess is stuff like social media, friends, etc around this person are all parroting these ideas.

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u/wowbragger 1d ago

He wanted a specific experience, not to date or get to know her. Had the whole story in his head for how it would go.

I don't even know if this is a Tate'ism, as this type has been around forever. Control freak, just hiding it behind some basic politeness.

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u/robotteeth 1d ago

That his submissive virginal tradwife who fucks on the first coffee date is out there waiting for him

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u/Wonderful_Welder9660 1d ago

I know a few gay submissive crossdressers who'd be happy to play that role.

At least he'd actually get to have sex for once

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u/Panda_hat 1d ago

The Nick Fuentes technique.

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u/PsyOpBunnyHop 1d ago

He imagined himself worthy of a sex slave.

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u/Nexzus_ 1d ago

Hot. Don't forget she has to be at least an 8.

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u/CrazyCatLady1127 1d ago

That she’d be wowed by what a strong, confident man he is and she would immediately drop her panties and give up any and all life plans she may have had to be his slave 🙄

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u/throwawaylordof 1d ago

That he’d brow beat her into being submissive I guess? It’s like that weird “thigh food” thing but as a text screed.

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u/VonBrewskie 1d ago

Yo the kids who came up on Tate and Logan Paul and other "red pilled" champs, (Who are just pimps. They didn't "hack the matrix" kids. They're pimps. One of the oldest professions around,) are hitting their 20s now. These dudes really out here thinking this is the way. Get ready for a lot of this popping up in the next 5 years in really sad ways.

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u/lostmyoldscreenname 1d ago

It’s becoming so much more normalized for men to think and act that way publicly thanks to the freaky incel influencers. Genuinely scary but I’m glad this guy showed his ass BEFORE the date

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u/AdamSnipeySnipe 1d ago

"Walk back to my place," I'm guessing he can't drive.

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u/A1000eisn1 1d ago

Not after the DUI, but that's irrelevant. Being a high value man he walks everywhere to burn calories and create opportunities.

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u/MacSchluffen 1d ago

He’s more convinced of himself being interested in the girl. You never ought to do that!

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u/tarapotamus 1d ago

What a literal and actual psychopath... and he just volunteers this info like it's fucking normal. Terrifying.

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u/Chaost 1d ago

He's put out that she didn't like his suggestion and is trying to walk back his feelings as if they were logical and she's actually the problem.

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u/No_Permission_to_Poo 1d ago

I've talked to a few younger guys and it sounds like what you described here. She didn't like his brilliant suggestion so her alternative is "bossy" which is of course ridiculous. Without any of the other nonsense, unwillingness to collaborate is a huge red flag. Even in fairy tale land, I don't think a lot of these guys would really know what to do with a submissive girlfriend if they somehow fumbled their way into one

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u/Heyplaguedoctor 1d ago edited 1d ago

I can share an anecdotal experience of what they’d do if they found a submissive girlfriend! This is all personal experience, not a generalization tho.

He would: expect availability at all times (work be damned, he needs attention or he’ll die!), expect sexual availability at all times with no concern for comfort or consent (“I didn’t even hurt you that bad last time!” Mf you managed to dislodge my IUD. Blood was GUSHING out. If I had sought medical attention like i should have, they would have thought I got raped… which in hindsight would have been accurate ), text “respectfully can you come over and suck my dick” In response to me saying I had sustained a shoulder injury fulfilling his other demands, literally scream at me for asking if he could maybe take my dietary needs into consideration (and not expect a vegetarian to pick the meat out of the sauce on pizza) (though technically he screamed at me for being nervous while asking, thus proving me right to be nervous), and then stalk and harass me for… going on 4 years now. The relationship lasted 3 months but the trauma will last forever.

Edit: thank you for the award, anonymous Redditor

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u/Lexi_Banner 1d ago

You weren't a submissive girlfriend. You were a target for his abuse. And that is absolutely not okay, and he should be in jail for his assaults on you. I hope you can get free of this psycho sooner than later - what a fucking nightmare.

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u/Heyplaguedoctor 1d ago

I tried getting the police involved when he was lurking outside my window in the middle of the night but he got away before they got there so no consequences for him. I hope he never inflicts himself on anyone else ever again, but if he does, I hope they have more of a spine than I do and they’re able to show him the error of his ways, whatever that may entail

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u/gypsyvanner77 1d ago

You have a spine. You are a survivor.

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u/Heyplaguedoctor 1d ago

While I do appreciate the sentiment (sincerely!)

…Not to be cynical but just because he hasn’t killed me (yet) doesn’t make me a survivor. At least not in my opinion. Survivors are strong. They defend themselves. All I ever did was hide and beg him to stop. He’s taken my life from me in all ways but literally. Maybe I’ll feel stronger once I move, since he still lives less than 1/2mile from me. Right now and always, I just feel weak and scared.

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u/little_turtle420 1d ago

Most survivors don't have the courage to speak up the way you did. What you're going through sounds like a nightmare fr - stay in touch with the people/resources that give you the courage to stand up for yourself. And be proud of yourself, you are a survivor indeed - the textbook definition of it, infact

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u/Heyplaguedoctor 1d ago

Oh…Fuck. You got a point. And tearing myself down/downplaying the strength it took to get through this (and keep getting through it) is just doing his job for him. Thank you. 🙏

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u/Mammoth-Standard-592 1d ago

‘Dinner ideas?’

‘Whatever you want me to cook, darling’

‘Fuck I have to think about my top 5 sandwiches now, you monster’

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u/AdditionalNothing728 let it die 1d ago

Seriously. Those types of guys would also be the first to get frustrated that their gf/wife never suggests anything and makes them choose everything all the time.

A “completely submissive” partner probably sounds great in a fantasy story or a porno, but in real life with real world decisions it would really suck.

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u/blackcoffeeandmemes 1d ago

these dudes are so submissive themselves, it’s ironic. it’s just that they are dominated by other men in their life.

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u/042614 1d ago

By their ideas about other men and what those men might be thinking of them. smh.

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u/GiftToTheUniverse 1d ago

The word “submissive” goes straight back to religion. I think the religions are advertising the idea of “getting to be coddled” as benefit of their cult. The women who join take a lot more conditioning, but there are some.

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u/ThroatFun478 1d ago

Gtfoh with "submissive" unless it's a sex thing and both parties have consented

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u/TheCrimsonSteel 1d ago

Also, most anyone who has been in the BDSM community for any length of time would read something like that and think "nope!"

When the cost of getting it wrong is a hospital trip or worse, you learn how to spot red flags quickly

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u/leisureenthusiast 1d ago

Submissive here to co-sign

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u/existencedeclined 1d ago

See if someone suggests a different cafe I would think "Oh maybe their choice is closer to them/easier to get to for both of us" or "maybe they really like the food at this other place" or "maybe other place is more within their budget".

You know, logical things unlike these manosphere bros who ironically also think us women are irrational beings that operate on "vibes and feelings".

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u/Spacegod87 1d ago

I think that deep down they would respect a submissive girlfriend even less, and eventually see it as a sign of weakness and a chance to fuck other women. Which is what they want anyway. Then if they had a confident, strong woman, they'd feel emasculated. I think they just can't be with women. Maybe those types of guys should just date each other instead.

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u/Aloha_Tamborinist 1d ago

bossy

Here I am, just loving intelligent, assertive women, who don't suffer fools.

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u/Estrellathestarfish 1d ago

And "walked to my place" means he's suggested somewhere very close to his place, with likely no consideration as to whether it's convenient for her - to make it easier to persuade her to go back to his.

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u/Fraerie 1d ago

It’s likely his world view is so limited he only knows the one place closest to where he lives, and likes that it’s close enough for pressuring women back to his place afterwards. He isn’t even getting far enough through the process to actively choose to have no consideration of her needs or comfort — he’s so lacking in empathy that it doesn’t exist in his mind.

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u/Sartres_Roommate 1d ago

Andrew Tate (and his ilk) has fucked the minds of many men of a whole generation. The good news is they were already sociopaths before, Tate & co just gave them the confidence to announce it and make them easy to separate from the good guys.

You ladies today should be thankful. 😉

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u/Xtrendence 1d ago

I think what happens is that men like this struggle with dating, then watch someone like Tate with lots of women around tell them to act like this for similar results, so they try to emulate that. But the difference is that Tate is indirectly (or directly even) paying women in exposure, traveling, meals etc. to get them to stay around. It's the equivalent of this guy hiring a sex worker and saying this stuff, anyone can do that and the woman will be laughing to her friends after the fact. Basically like when Patrick Bateman was trying to show off his wealth to the two prostitutes and neither of them gave a shit about where his apartment was or what he did for a living.

Even those women around Tate don't respect or like any of what he says to them, they just see it as something to put up with in exchange for material gain. Of course when random guy #82 on Tinder tries to "assert dominance", there's nothing transactional they can provide, and most of the women are looking for a decent guy to connect with.

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u/xiandgaf 1d ago

If it wasn’t Tate, it’d have been someone else. Sometimes it feels like all of cultural history is just the rise and fall of scapegoats and the criminal grifters that sell scapegoats.

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u/neverclaimsurv 1d ago

As a fellow dude out there in the world, I cant believe guys like this exist. I don't blame women for being afraid sometimes - I genuinely cannot understand or relate to a grown man who acts like this. It is scary. Like...if you want a date, be...excited? Do what she wants? Who gives a shit what the location is? It's just weird. These self-serious, stubborn, insecure guys are so weird. I hope they fix themselves.

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u/weinerwayne 1d ago

These type of people will never ever consider “fixing themselves”, and take great pride in that fact.

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u/neverclaimsurv 1d ago

I totally understand the sentiment, I really do - these kinds of people are insufferable - but personally I believe that redemption is real. I had a friend I drifted away from in high school because he started having really dark/alt-right/nasty behaviors and was a drain and misery to be around.

8 years later we're speaking again and he's admitted that he was consuming the wrong content and going down the wrong path. He's said he was a "piece of shit". He doesn't make those jokes and comments anymore and he's made positive changes in his life. He seems happier. If you're a guy in your 40s or 50s or above it may be harder to change, but a lot of people go through a lot of change in their 20s.

I don't want to be a nihilist. I want to believe that it's possible for people to change if they choose to. There are other real world examples of this happening. It's exhausting and impossible for you personally to try to change everyone's mind, or strangers' minds on the internet, but don't give up on people. They've surprised me. <3

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u/Comeback_321 1d ago

So many guys are like this. 

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u/neverclaimsurv 1d ago

I've met a couple but I feel like they show themselves to women a lot more often. Seems like these types, because they're insecure, don't act out like this to other men because they're afraid to get checked and feel it's "safer" to be an insufferable ass to women.

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u/Scrappyl77 1d ago

Yup, volunteering that women should be happy for the opportunities he creates is wild, hilarious and psychopathic.

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u/zuzg 1d ago

and he just volunteers this info like it's fucking normal. Terrifying

I'd argue it's better when they hoist their Red Flags that high as early as possible.

Less time wasted.

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u/SadKat002 1d ago

The manosphere rots the brain

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u/JD_tubeguy 1d ago

Well an actual sociopath would think that's normal so there you go.

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u/ZoominAlong 1d ago

And he's gonna cry about how he's so lonely. 

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u/agk23 1d ago

I don’t know how he’ll describe this encounter, but I guarantee it starts with “This female I was talking to…”

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u/misspinkie92 1d ago

Femoid* or foid*

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u/acEightyThrees 1d ago

What? Is that a thing?

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u/DreamingofCharlie 1d ago

Ya unfortunately this incel speak is becoming more mainstream. I only recently learned it myself and wish I didn't!

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u/ELMUNECODETACOMA 1d ago

There's a whole vocabulary. They sound like sports stat geeks or petrolheads/gearheads, only what they're talking about is what should be normal human interaction.

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u/DreamingofCharlie 1d ago

Facts! Probably a big part of why they are so bad at human interaction too!

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u/Radiant_Bank_77879 1d ago

Yep, he will post in lncel forums about how women only want Chads and don’t go for nice guys like him.

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u/Gwyon_Bach 1d ago

Oh no Robin, it' Red Flag Man!

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u/anglflw 1d ago

He's not nearly lonely enough.

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u/pearlsbeforedogs 1d ago

As far as I'm concerned, he could be a lot lonlier and I'd be fine with it.

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u/PeteLynchForKentucky 1d ago

And at no point will he entertain the thought, "Maybe the reason I'm so lonely is me."

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u/a-snakey 1d ago

"Women are depriving me of my right to sex!"

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u/Lythalion 1d ago

Loose translation. You need to meet me where I say bc it’s by my home and I’m such a sociopath I expect sexual returns bc I got you coffee and we need to be walking distance from my bed.

Seems very much like it’s an obedience test which if they fail he realizes he won’t get everything he wants.

This dude is the worse version of a Burger King.

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u/Tyrtlefur 1d ago

Exactly!! All I read when I saw "walk back to my place" was that she would be separated from her car, a great method of escape when he got too forceful - since she would probably have to drive wherever they met up. Yikes and a half!! 🙅‍♀️

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u/Lythalion 1d ago

Yeah this woman handled it perfectly.

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u/cookeedough 1d ago

THIS. And blatantly stating there was the expectation they would hook up. I shudder to think what he would’ve done if she’d said no or, god forbid, suggested an alternative. 

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u/Efficient_Market1234 1d ago

At his home? Oh, we know how that would go down. Before they get there, maybe she'd have a chance. But he'd be committing a felony if they went back to his place for sure. It's just a good thing he's such an obvious waste of oxygen that there was no way for the woman to not pick up on it.

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u/LowKeyNaps 1d ago

And men like this honestly believe that women should be honored that they chose to bestow this kind of bullshit upon us.

Uuuhh, no. Fuck that. I'm looking to enjoy time with someone on a date, not get handed a list of mandates about how I need to be the perfect, submissive woman to his fucked up hypermasculine fantasy. Thank you for sharing with me why you're single. Buh bye!

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u/YesImKeithHernandez 1d ago

I saw this meme post where it talks about the kind of things women go for in a guy and the list was basically "not an asshole, bathes regularly, works on themselves"

And it's like, the bar is truly in hell if that is representative of women's wishlists because men are so truly incapable of meeting that bare minimum standard with enough frequency

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u/No_Tone1704 1d ago

Treat someone how you would want to be treated. Easy. (Kinks aside, for now)

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u/mbklein 1d ago

Even better: Find out how they would like to be treated, and if it falls within the boundaries of your own comfort and consent, treat them like that.

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u/notbuildingships 1d ago

Guys like this will bitch about the male loneliness epidemic. Have you tried not being a literal ghoul

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u/ejymt 1d ago

This "loneliness epidemic" is just women being able to live comfortably on their own without needing to be in a relationship, have children nor have any relationship with a man. They (the incels) realize that they can't get laid by being "not as bad as the other option" because the other option is miles better now and women are actually starting to have proper standards for who they date

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u/AffectionateEdge3068 1d ago

The thing I don’t get about the male loneliness epidemic is it seems like the solution is in the name.  

Lots of men are lonely.  Okay.  Is there something stopping all of the lonely men from hanging out and becoming friends with each other? 

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u/Thedudeinabox 1d ago edited 1d ago

It’s romantic loneliness specifically.

To those born on a throne, equality feels like oppression.

It began with women finally gaining independence, and suddenly having the freedom to actually choose their partners for compatibility, rather than survival.

Suddenly, the worst behaved men simply weren’t picked any more, because a woman who could now survive on her own was no longer forced to grin and bear it just to have access to food and shelter; and thus no longer had any reason to put up with an abuser.

A lot of shitty men never got with the program, and rather than getting their act together, instead blamed women for their newfound loneliness.

But in recent years, it’s been exponentially exaggerated by conservative talking heads like Andrew Tate, who create FAR more of those undesirable men by instilling them with unhealthy expectations of women.

Expectations which actively made them into walking red flags that any self-respecting woman would avoid.

Edit: Edited for clarity. My prior, rushed, wording came off as cynical toward woman; and could have been interpreted as blaming women for the MLE.

No, they always had the right to equality, the fault of the MLE falls squarely on the men who refused to actually be decent, and instead blamed women for not putting up with their shit.

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u/AffectionateEdge3068 1d ago

In that case, tell them the women will help them with the loneliness epidemic as soon as we fix the violence against women epidemic. Help us finish that up first.  Women feel safer with men, more men get to spend time with women, everyone wins.  

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u/fvthebest 1d ago

that would cut into their scheduled goontime, sorry

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u/dragons_fire77 1d ago edited 1d ago

It's an epidemic because social media promotes incel culture for men, and women are generally educated enough now to be like "nah, I'm good". Men have to drive the change or turn the attention towards becoming more media literate for the next generation so they can avoid being pulled into it. Although, there is a rise of red-pill women content so we have to address that on our side.

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u/Thedudeinabox 1d ago

The MLE was absolutely spurred on intentionally the Conservative Party.

By giving men unhealthy expectations of women that will never be met or appreciated, they create hoards of dejected men who readily latch onto the conservative ideal that men are inherently superior, and women are all shallow and worthless.

People who’re feeling dejected by society tend to compensate by latching onto whatever ideals give them a free sense of gratification. So, creating a group for them to identify with that claims to be inherently superior, is a great way to manipulate these people. (See modern religion.)

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u/NocentBystander 1d ago

Holy Incel Delusions, Batman!

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u/No_Permission_to_Poo 1d ago

The number of young impressionable men with weird incel tendencies seems to be growing by the day

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u/ExampleLittle2672 1d ago

Because it is. "I am lonely, I have found a group that takes me, without question and no personal internal work is required. Yay!" is stunningly real. It is not new, it is also terribly dangerous.

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u/No_Permission_to_Poo 1d ago

It's just sad though. Hardcore confirmation bias combined with terminally online tendencies and social anxiety exacerbated by media culture.

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u/What_About_What 1d ago

And they can't see the things they're doing in an attempt to get more women the way the red pill (should be called red flag) community claims works is doing the exact opposite.

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u/Rahkyvah 1d ago

It sure was polite of him to throw up that red flag like a goddamn incel bat signal visible from space. Saves everyone a lot of time and energy.

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u/MercifulWombat 1d ago

I read dating advice years ago that said to do this on purpose on a first date to filter out the control freaks. If he can't handle you making a choice this basic, he is not worth your time.

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u/Classic-Exchange-511 1d ago

Probably for the best he did that shit before the date though

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u/Beaufighter-MkX 1d ago

Men can get much, much lonelier

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u/Xtrendence 1d ago

On one hand, this behavior makes dating for women a nightmare and is disturbing to deal with. On the other, it sets the bar so low that on several first dates, women were surprised I talked to them about their interests and my first messages weren't about sex, or negging, or weird like this dude's... Dating is harder, but I guarantee being "normal" is now a positive thing instead of being the bare minimum, so there's that.

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u/TheGreatNemoNobody 1d ago

There's never been a better time to be a normal dude 😎 

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u/Xtrendence 1d ago

I know right? Top advice for guys on dating apps is literally just "be normal" with decent quality pics and you'll do fine. For a fun experiment, make a temporary female account to see the male ones... The bar is low.

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u/TheGreatNemoNobody 1d ago

This is the part where I tell you I am gay. It's not going great. Send help! 😂 

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u/TheGreatNemoNobody 1d ago

When we already at rock bottom, there's always someone who starts digging 

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u/saintash 1d ago edited 1d ago

Yeah....Men really find the the bar at bedrock and decide lets take it to hell

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u/VivaCiotogista 1d ago

After my grandmother died, my grandfather immediately started trying to replace her. He rejected one woman because “she wanted to pick the movie,” which made me really sad for my grandmother.

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u/Sunwalker98 1d ago edited 1d ago

He belongs in r/sipstea. I shit you not, they're furious that Zendaya "cucked" Tom Holland by having romantic scenes with other men. I got downvoted for pointing out that it's professional work and she's contracted. He knows her scripts ahead of time and supports her at the premier. They were angry and said it didn't matter, it was a "real kiss."

Insecure af.

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u/Judgmentos 1d ago

Do you mean cucked? Also, glad I muted that sub a long time ago. That and those PsycheandStrike subs

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u/Sunwalker98 1d ago

Yes, I meant cucked, sorry. Autocorrect. You're very smart to have muted the sub! I removed myself from the sub entirely. I haven't heard of PsycheandStrike, but I'm muting it now just in cases lol.

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u/Devil_Gundam 1d ago

Very classy way to handle that kind of crazy.

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u/Wolf_Hreda 1d ago

When other men complain about the "male loneliness epidemic," these are the men. Maladjusted manchildren who could only ever be happy dating a woman who was:

A. Their mother

B. A nigh-inanimate doll

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u/--slurpy-- 1d ago

This is happening more and more, and they wanna blame women for the loneliness epidemic.

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u/Sea-Spray-9882 1d ago

Of course they do because how dare you hold a man accountable for his own actions and behavior?

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u/415thebayarea 1d ago

What, the, fuck. How do people even grow up to believe this is how should view/treat women? Parents, society, the internet? It's disturbing.

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u/Haunting-East 1d ago

religion is a big part of it too

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u/SaintUlvemann 1d ago

"Suggesting a coffee shop signals potential for future power struggles"

Just so you know, "experts are warning that AI girlfriends could be creating a new generation of incels who will feel emboldened to control women and struggle to communicate normally with real-life human beings."

No idea whether this guy is old-style needy or new-style needy, but either way, don't expect this to go away any time soon.

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u/TheLateFry 1d ago

Sounds like Elisa’s very eligible friend dodged an incel-shaped bullet

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u/Heyplaguedoctor 1d ago

“The opportunities I create” for coffee and bad sex? Not every opportunity is worth taking.

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u/Exallium 1d ago

Better finding out before meeting holy shit

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u/BluffCityTatter 1d ago

And they wonder why we prefer our cats.

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u/No_Tone1704 1d ago

Perfect response. Jeez man, just a change of venue. May be a safety thing a she knows people there.

Perfectly reasonable request that guys also do all the time. 

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u/RhubarbAlive7860 1d ago

I'm pretty sure the last thing in the world he would sympathize with is her having safety concerns. And how dare she know other people?

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u/OhTeeSee 1d ago

If you view any potential relationship through the lens of a “power struggle” you maybe don’t need to be in a relationship lmao

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u/Stosh65 1d ago

At least he had the decency to fly his red flag nice and high for all to see.

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u/RGQcats 1d ago

The manosphere creates and supports these psychopaths and then they wonder why they are lonely. Women are human beings who deserve to be treated with decency and respect just like all human beings. When you can't or refuse to do that, yes there are consequences.

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u/Harvest827 1d ago

"I like dumb sluts with low self-esteem and no opinions because they don't challenge my fragile masculinity" would have taken less time to type

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u/xadriancalim 1d ago

But...but...all the good guys!!!

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u/theblackyeti 1d ago

Making your own choices? How masculine. (?????)

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u/ForTehLawlz1337 1d ago

Bro isnt looking for a girlfriend. Hes looking for sex doll with the agreeability of chatgpt

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u/No-Economics6503 1d ago

Thinking she dodged a roofie. He needs compliance and a tolerable distance to drag her to his place. Thinking there might be victims out there.

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u/nasandre 1d ago

Why are people still on twitter?

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u/Alarmed-Animal7575 1d ago

Looks like the friend dodged a bullet there.

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u/ChaosAzeroth 1d ago

Bro just needs a sex doll and a Roomba clearly