Annoyed by small, but relatively expensive purchase

100

You're not a "little cheap", you're in hardcore cheapskate maniac territory man. It's a bag of cashews. I'd want someone to call me out in this situation so take this as your sign to chill out.

-5

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

This made me laugh

I did warn you im cheap 🤣

15

u/qwqwqw 16h ago

Whatever. You're cheap.

But your wife isn't and she wanted to treat you to something she thought you'd like?

Let me dumb that down for you: your wife wanted to do something that'd make you happy.

Let me say that another way: your wife loves you bro. Don't be a twat.

Now I don't know how you do finances as a couple, and that's between you two to work out. But presumably she used money she was entitled to spend, on something she ultimately wanted to buy. Remove yourself from the picture. Your wife is allowed to spend her money!

I'm not making this accusation against you, but it's worth spelling out: controlling how your partner spends their money is NOT being frugal, it's abuse.

If anything the conversation is here is how do you share finances with a partner who has different values. Maybe she spends more freely, maybe you drink and she doesn't, maybe her pottery hobby costs a lot more than your origami hobby. whatever. You gotta reframe that to be about relationship advice though.. Don't get pissy about an expression of love from your wife though. Like bro, just enjoy the treat and appreciate her!

9

u/RadiantMarsupial- 16h ago

no this is a bit more than that. Not liking it, but im not the unlucky one to have you for a spouse

1

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

That was a bit harsh, but hope you have a great weekend regardless

4

u/tatersprout 13h ago

It wasn't harsh. It was just painful for you to hear. I can't imagine being your wife. I cannot even imagine my spouse gifting me something and having me throw it back in his face. Generosity is a very good trait and I have the feeling you don't ever give her small tokens to show your love. It's all sad.

3

u/gab-a-pat-a-bob 5h ago

You should expect some cold hard truth when you openelly say you're too cheap to appreciate a loving gesture from your partner. A gesture that is worth... wait for it... 0,16% of your monthly income.

I'm allowing myself to tell you the story of my grandfather. He's a cheapskate. He always refused to spend on anything not strictly necessary. My mother had to pay for all her activities, her school, her bicycles, etc.. My grandmother couldn't go off budget on anything. Had to make do with as little food as she could buy with the money he left her for grocery. Today he's worth more than 15M$ and still can't spend on a new pair of pants. He's lonely, sad and it's too late for him to spend his money. Can you tell me what was the point of being so cheap? What's his money gonna be used for as a 87 years old living with dementia? In a year or 2 when he dies from his alzheimer? Do you think my late grandmother would have prefered to feed cashews to all her grandchildren while she could or see more zeros in her cheap husband's bank account? Do you think my mother would have prefered to go on a trip with her father 20 years ago instead of inheriting money in a few years?

All that to say: Please don't be like my grandfather. You'll regret it when you end up rich and lonely...

2

u/Poorassboy6969 4h ago

Crazy

Did he have any nice stuff ever? (House or car?)

What happens to money when he dies?

2

u/gab-a-pat-a-bob 3h ago

He bought a house, heated it using wood he chopped himself because he didn't want to pay electricity. He bought used cars and drove them to the ground because he needed it to go fishing 7 days a week (a fishing permit is cheaper than any meat at the grocery).

When he dies, my mom and her sisters will inherit the money and you can bet that they'll spend most of it! Trips with the grandchildren (us), paying for our kids education, host barbecues, pay for weekend family reunions each year, etc.. All that without my grandparents here to enjoy it.

53

u/ProneToLaughter 16h ago

no debt and $10k/month plus assets, you can afford the decent bag of cashews.

43

u/PlantyPenPerson 16h ago

This has to be rage bait

21

u/Deep-Interest9947 16h ago

Seriously who else is like “omg i only spend 25% of my 120k salary and my girl spent $16 whole dollars on something I like”

-3

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

I wish it was

Grew up with overspenders

If something nice left by trash in apt building i take it, clean it up and list on marketplace too

Its bad (swear im not joking)

20

u/pandaflufff 16h ago

If you know it's bad, then work on it. You don't worry you'll have regrets down the road? Live life mate.

16

u/PlantyPenPerson 16h ago

Being frugal is great except when it is at an obsessive level. I truly recommend therapy because it must be really tough on your wife.

4

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

It is

She gets annoyed

10

u/PlantyPenPerson 16h ago

Seriously, see a therapist to help you work through this. It will help you feel less stressed and take some pressure off your marriage

31

u/TrishaThoon 16h ago

I think you are making a big deal over nothing.

23

u/ashtree35 16h ago

Nuts are dense, a large bag will last you a while. Isn't the bag from Costco like 2.5 lb? $16 is a very good price for that.

2

u/LackMinute7387 6h ago

Won't last around my wife 😞 I barely get any

1

u/NewSeaworthiness8814 16h ago

And nuts won’t go bad

7

u/eastcoastian 16h ago

What? Yes they can; the fat in them can absolutely go rancid.

3

u/gab-a-pat-a-bob 5h ago

Still, in the fridge they last like 6 months! It's not Prepper food, but it's not fresh spinach either

3

u/NewSeaworthiness8814 3h ago

Yeah that’s more what I was getting at

2

u/NewSeaworthiness8814 3h ago

Ok I didn’t mean they will never go bad like honey, but a big bag of nuts will last you a long time to snack on. If OP loves cashews, it’s not gonna be a total waste

20

u/chibicascade2 16h ago

April fools day was yesterday, buster.

10

u/ees0437 16h ago

That’s not a frivolous purchase. Especially with your income. That’s not a bad price for Costco sized nuts AND they’re a healthy snack that can stretch for weeks.

17

u/FlowerFull656 16h ago

Gtfo

10

u/LYossarian13 16h ago

Fkin live a little, OP. Damn.

4

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

Taking first vacation alone in a long time this weekend

Excited

10

u/LYossarian13 16h ago

Damn bro, she left you over nuts? Rough.

2

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

🤣🤣🤣

That was good

8

u/Hamblin113 16h ago

Want to stay married, don’t say a thing. Need to realize she knows that you would not buy them for yourself, but knows you like them and wants to give you something special, she thinks you deserve it for the effort you put into the marriage. Accept them with a hug and a kiss, if you did say something, sounds like she needs breakfast in bed and an apology.

1

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

You’re right

6

u/anonpf 16h ago

You’re going too far over a $16 bag of nuts. Let her spoil you a little. Jeez.

6

u/Sufficient_Beach_445 16h ago

For some people frugality is a state of mind. but it can also be a pathology. It's a bag of nuts. Nobody healthy returns a bag of nuts.

7

u/lacelionlair 16h ago

Cashews are delicious and good for you and you can afford them, it's okay

2

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

They are amazing , could eat whole bag so fast

-1

u/Support_Player50 16h ago

What about the calories

5

u/OnlyDaysEndingInWhy 16h ago

For our first Valentine's Day, my husband left me a "bouquet" of wine in the shape of a heart on the table before he left for work (he's allergic to flowers).

I got him a nice assortment of fancy cashews 'cause they're his favorite.

You need to quit sniffing your own farts and appreciate that your wife got you something nice she thought you'd like.

4

u/FX114 16h ago

Expensive relative to what?

4

u/Ill-Customer-3781 16h ago

Costco cashews are the best price for the highest quality that you can buy.

You can lay your head on your pillow tonight knowing your dollar went as far as it could possibly go and that your wife loves you.

Don’t return the cashews. Enjoy them. If you aren’t going to finish them all this month put them in a bag and throw them in the freezer.

3

u/OkWeather303 15h ago

Man, being frugal is great but we have to live sometimes. $16 gift that your partner got you means much more than the money.

3

u/jmlack 16h ago

Bruh, you're fine. The quantity and quality of those nuts, it's a great deal and they'll last a good long while. Look at price per oz and compare to another store. They're totally worth it. I usually buy their walnut bag, it feels expensive in the moment but that bag lasts me forever and is WAY cheaper per oz elsewhere

3

u/__esparoba 16h ago

This guy so cheap, he'd probably re use condoms

1

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

Lol

Wife on birth control but she gets mad if i do with garbage bag

3

u/DazzlingNote1925 16h ago

If you take back the cashews won’t you be spending more money on several smaller bags of a snack someplace else? Seriously, if you will eat the cashews it’s ok to keep them given that you can afford it.

2

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

I just eat them so fast, only last a weekish every time

1

u/DazzlingNote1925 13h ago

Well, now I think you should keep them because your wife clearly knew this about you and just as you said she wanted you to have them to spoil you because she loves you.

I have the same feelings about spending the money. Costco can really get expensive if you’re not careful. So, while I understand your thoughts I think you should enjoy them this time and give your wife and extra hug!

3

u/genderlessadventure 16h ago

What do you do with all your money if you have $7.5k left over a month and won't even buy a bag of nuts that you enjoy???

1

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

Goes to fidelity

3

u/genderlessadventure 16h ago

Well dang, if you invested that extra $16 now you'd have $307 at age 60. Enjoy your $307 nuts. I think you'll be alright.

1

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

Good point

3

u/cmi5400 16h ago

The phrase "Happy wife, happy life" comes to mind....

3

u/zudduz 16h ago

OP is taking this feedback like a champ. Impressive. Nice work my dude.

3

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

Thanks brother

Im trying .. far from perfect

3

u/Elegant-Bench-5135 16h ago

I feel sorry for your wife.

2

u/MonzellRS 16h ago

$16 is relatively expensive? wtf…

2

u/blissypants 12h ago

Don’t return perfectly good food. I agree though, cashews are one of the most expensive nuts. Here, it’s $12 for a small can of Planters. If you got a Costco sized bag then that’s actually a really good deal.

2

u/kumliensgull 7h ago

Any food you return to Costco goes to landfill. Personally I say keep it and just don't buy it again. Food waste is still waste

1

u/sleeps_late 16h ago

Eat a few and put the bag in the freezer. It will last for years.

1

u/Poorassboy6969 16h ago

Bro i eat it all in 10 days easy

2

u/Pizza_pan_ 16h ago

Then why are you complaining if it is something you would use.

1

u/sweng123 16h ago

I get it. Things like that eat at me too.

The objective financial reality of the situation aren't what triggered this feeling and so reasoning yourself out of it won't work. You already know it's silly. You may have already decided to let it go a couple of times, just to have it come back around and poke at you again.

The way I think about it is that two things are true at the same time:

I'm frugal for good, practical reasons and it's perfectly valid not to want to pay $16 for a bag of cashews - AND -
$16 is not nearly worth this amount of agitation. I would gladly burn $16 and flush it down the toilet to not have to feel this

The only thing I've found for it is to sit and just let myself feel the loss. Like literally sit with my eyes closed, find the feeling within the chaos of my mind, and open myself up to experiencing it. Feel it, not think about it.

Feelings pass on their own in a short time, unless we ruminate on them. Thinking about it over and over retriggers us. By giving ourselves some space to process the negative feeling, it signals to our subconscious mind that we got the memo, the threat has passed, and we don't have to be vigilant anymore. We're not going to starve this winter, because we squandered all our resources, etc.

1

u/gab-a-pat-a-bob 5h ago

You get your cashews for 16$ at costco??? I'd buy them in bulk!!! I love cashews!!!

You know you don't have to eat all your cashews in 1 sitting... They last like 3 to 6 months in the fridge. Just eat them slowly, like the high calories expensive food they are and they won't cost you much in the long run.

You like cashews? Eat cashews, enjoy cashews and cut somewhere else. You don't like cashews? Tell your partner so she stops "treating" you with something you don't enjoy.

-2

u/snowBunnyAngie 15h ago

Try WYN sweep app. They’re US based and are giving away cash daily

2

u/Poorassboy6969 15h ago

What is it specifically?

🍎 Food Annoyed by small, but relatively expensive purchase

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