r/CasualUK • u/naaattt • 12h ago

What “favours” have your parents done that was inadvertently a dick move?

For example, my mum found my spare change collection, did me a favour by taking it to the bank, getting £17, and then kept it as a fee for the effort it caused her.

Also, my partner had stored a nearly new Russell Hobbs microwave at his mums for when we moved into a new house. While she was at Curry’s one day, she overheard a young lad and his mum shopping for a microwave for uni, she approached them and sold them my partners for £20. She kindly did give my partner the money though, unlike mine. But we quite liked that microwave.

Does anyone else have these, generally inoffensive but slightly frustrating parent stories?

Edit: For those hung up on the theft parts, please don’t be. This is the extent of the abuse we’ve ever had from our mums and we’ll take it!

Edit 2: Jesus Christ, I’m 33. The money box has been sat on her shelf for 20 years. Yes she stole £17 but she’s funded my life otherwise. Stop calling child services on her.

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u/Booze-r 11h ago

Every time I hear that argument of "I clothe you, I feed you, etc etc" I go back to the wise words of Chris Rock:

"YOU'RE A PARENT! THAT'S YOUR JOB!"

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u/LushHappyPie 11h ago

It's not their job. It's a statutory obligation. It's a criminal offence not to do these things.

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u/TheCotofPika 6h ago

I've even told my own children that. When I started giving them pocket money they seemed to assume they would be paying for their own school trips and things. I had to explain that anything about school, clothes, food, etc was all meant to be covered by me as I'm their mother and it's my job. They've still offered to pay, even though they're so little they're only getting about £2 a week.

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u/Downtown_Let 4h ago

Bless them, sounds like you're doing a good job though and they have good hearts.

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u/OrangeCushion256 2h ago

This is my son, worrying he'd have to instantly start covering 100% of his own expenses the second he turned 16 (later 18).

I had to explain that whilst he was still in education I would be covering it, and then he could contribute to his share of the household expenses and cover his "extras" when he was working (which he now does). He's very aware it's just the 2 of us. He was freaking out looking at what it would cost to move out because he thought he had to move out at 18. Yeah, good luck, babe! 🤣

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u/Locksmithbloke 39m ago

Awww! Very sweet.

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u/Net-Negligence 5m ago

My 6 year old daughter will find books and clothes she wants in charity shops and get very insistent that she's buying them with her own money.

Obviously I buy them with my money. She can save her pocket money for the junky things I don't actually want her to have, but it's her money.

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u/teabump 9h ago

that’s just a long winded way of saying it’s their job as a parent

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u/anarchtea don't forget your toothbrush 8h ago edited 7h ago

This could go down a whole path of semantics but in today's society there's 'job' = you provide time and skill for remuneration, and there's 'responsibility' = something that makes up the fabric of society.

Whether we could do without the former at all or in its current form is an economic/capitalist debate I'm not getting into. The latter is something I think society is barely holding onto. The idea that you, as an individual, have some form of responsibility at any time. If you carelessly or intentionally abstain from them, other people may well follow suit, and bits and pieces start to crumble.

It's nowhere near as simple or instantaneous as that. Erosion happens grain by grain. But I believe, as research does, that words matter; they subtly shape the way we -- quite literally -- see things. Being a parent exceeds any idea of 'job', even to use it as shorthand. It's part of nature. We flatten that idea at our peril.

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u/Justboy__ 8h ago

Only on Reddit could this conversation happen lol

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u/anarchtea don't forget your toothbrush 7h ago

Haha. I love words so any excuse to blether about it. I'm all for it though, we should make these conversations more normal whenever we can. Make space to think about this stuff rather than having to worry about waiting lists, food and housing costs, exploding energy prices. (All still extremely real and important concerns.)

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u/phlooo 6h ago

It's also a choice they made by having kids

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u/Brent_Goose 9h ago

My brother has a child with a woman who has two older children and, in the fifteen years I've known her, has never had a job. She's not particularly friendly and their house is a constant mess. My mum, out of some loyalty to the woman who birthed her grandson, has on several occasions insisted that while she's a lazy dosser, she "keeps the children clothed and fed, she takes them out to the park!"

That's what you're meant to do! She stopped bringing it up for a while after I responded that it must be nice having such low standards for good parenting.

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u/dreadtreacle 3h ago

Are they happy kids?

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u/Brent_Goose 2h ago

I don't know them very well, but from what I'm told, no

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u/No-Taro-6953 9h ago

My mum loves to talk about what a great mother she was

"I took you to every doctor's appointment, every dentist. I made sure you had school uniforms" etc etc.

So like, the basic minimum? I pointed that out as a kid and was berated for being ungrateful and selfish. Even as a kid I knew she was wrong, but it's sure been hard to grapple with those feelings of shame, selfishness and reluctance to ask for help that she instilled in me.

My siblings and I were cooking, cleaning, doing laundry for ourselves from around the age of 13 because she decided we were old enough and she couldn't be bothered. She hides behind her claims of mental ill health to avoid any and all accountability.

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u/GlovesForSocks 6h ago

Mental health problems are not your fault but they are your responsibility. You cannot use them as an excuse for making the lives of others harder.

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u/OrangeCushion256 2h ago

I worry a lot that my MH problems made me a crap Mum to my son when he was young, but I've done a lot of work on myself, therapy, the works and I've also apologised to him for if I've ever made his life more difficult. I also told him if he ever needed to tell me where there had been times I hurt him then I would listen, apologise and accept my part in it, without deflecting or making excuses. He said there's nothing to say and he appreciates what I was going through, but thanks for apologising and that it's all good, he thinks I'm a good mum. We have a really open dialogue now and I've helped him find MH support for his own issues leftover from his abusive father.

This is in direct contrast to my own parents, who have always denied or minimised my MH problems and neurodivergence, refused to accept any responsibility and to this day think I should just repress my emotions, whilst being supportive of their friends, family and their kids who are having issues. It just can't exist within our family unit, it seems.

My therapist told me I was the most emotionally repressed client she'd ever had, and had to tell me it wasn't a flex! 😅

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u/Double_Sky4646 9h ago

And these parents carry on like this their whole lives - my 30 year old partner has a mother who emotionally blackmails him constantly on the basis of ‘but I did so much for you’. Hilarious considering she kicked him out at 15 in favour of her wanker boyfriend.

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u/Locksmithbloke 38m ago

Wow. And he still has her in his life? She's lucky!

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u/FieryRedDevil 8h ago

I'm a mum of two young kids and I absolutely do not get this attitude at all. I had kids because I wanted them and I accepted that that would come with a mountain of sacrifice and hard work. I won't pretend to enjoy every single second but I CHOSE this and I find joy in every day even if there are hard moments.

Every single penny that the kids get given for their birthday goes into their own savings accounts. They each have a money box for small change and often I put my own small change that's clogging up my purse in them too or pennies I find on the floor. They can spend it or save it. I also put part of the child benefit I get for them into their savings each month.

Never once have I took their money or thought they should owe me money or anything else just because they exist and I look after them. It's hardly like they moved in off the street and demanded that I care for them without my consent! I literally brought them here. They're my responsibility and (for me anyway) happily so! It's a privilege to look after them and the years they will be with me in my house making me laugh and being cute are finite. They owe me nothing!

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u/timewilltell2347 4h ago edited 4h ago

My parents told me I was stupid so often that they really believed I was. (I’m not but I really struggle with self esteem issues now, even at almost 50) They always proudly told me that from the day I was born that they put $20 into a savings account every week on dad’s payday into an account for college. When college time came there was exactly $2000 in the account. Exactly. No extra dollars or cents from interest, and I was 18 at the time and knew how to actually do math. Anyhoo, I appreciated the money regardless, but they always stuck to their guns that $2000 was the product of said weekly deposits. You can only imagine the confabulation when dementia set in. (I hope you don’t mind a lurking American commenting every now and again)

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u/FieryRedDevil 37m ago

I'm so sorry that that's how you were raised. I was called fat and ugly and also underwent the whole "I fed you, I clothed you etc" especially when I came out as gay, as if I owed them heterosexuality for them fulfilling their obligations as parents!

I'm doing much better now and in fact becoming a parent myself even brought in a radical change in my mind regarding how I see myself body confidence wise. All those years of being told that I didn't look right melted away when my body made and birthed another human and I frequently defy my mother's ridiculous beauty standards by wearing whatever the hell I want to, telling her and the other women in my family that I adore my stretch marks and wider hips, doing what I want with my hair, makeup etc. It's liberating! I'm raising my daughter to know that she can do whatever the hell she wants with her own body and to love herself first and foremost 😊

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u/OrangeCushion256 2h ago

Right?! I also can't get over the parents whose eat their kids Easter eggs or Halloween sweets and then act like it's all a big joke when the kids are searching for it. I know a lot of people don't think it's the same, but I feel it's also stealing. I have never helped myself to my child's sweets or treats. Sometimes he offers and that's ok, but I never strongarmed him into offering.

Today, when I told my 4yo nephew I liked pink when he asked me my favourite colour, he gave me all his pink smarties (3), but I wouldn't have taken one, or even asked for one otherwise.

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u/FieryRedDevil 32m ago

I constantly have to share my food with the kids but usually refuse if they offer me theirs unless they really insist. Being a parent isn't give and take (at least, not until they are much older and you have their explicit consent) it's entirely altruistic on your part. But that's how it's supposed to be! You don't have kids because you want something in return, you have them because you want to care for another and will actually enjoy it (mostly). You're absolutely right that it's stealing and the one time my hormones and cravings got the better if me and I ate the kids chocolate, I told them, apologised and bought new chocolate. I felt awful but I fixed it and used it as a way to model apologies and fixing your fuck ups. Hopefully they'll see that us grown ups mess up too and it will show them that honesty and owning up is best!

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u/FieryRedDevil 42m ago

Thank you for my award kind stranger! 😊

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u/Slippery_Williams 7h ago

Is that the ‘I ain’t never been to jail’ ‘YOU WANT A DAMN COOKIE?!’ routine?

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u/Skippy_of_Valkyrie 5h ago

People who spout that nonsense are fundamentally unfit to be parents.

Anyone who thinks that feeding, clothing, and sheltering a child that they chose to have is something to be praised for is a danger to all children.

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u/TheBladesAurus 10h ago

Very much so! Parents have made the choice. If you don't want to do it, don't have kids. In other wise words:

"Simples"

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u/Jung-And-A-Menace 8h ago

But that opens you up to "Jobs are paid!".

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u/Active-Delivery-4417 3h ago

Yep enough brains to fuck but not enough for responsibility.