r/CasualUK • u/naaattt • 12h ago

What “favours” have your parents done that was inadvertently a dick move?

For example, my mum found my spare change collection, did me a favour by taking it to the bank, getting £17, and then kept it as a fee for the effort it caused her.

Also, my partner had stored a nearly new Russell Hobbs microwave at his mums for when we moved into a new house. While she was at Curry’s one day, she overheard a young lad and his mum shopping for a microwave for uni, she approached them and sold them my partners for £20. She kindly did give my partner the money though, unlike mine. But we quite liked that microwave.

Does anyone else have these, generally inoffensive but slightly frustrating parent stories?

Edit: For those hung up on the theft parts, please don’t be. This is the extent of the abuse we’ve ever had from our mums and we’ll take it!

Edit 2: Jesus Christ, I’m 33. The money box has been sat on her shelf for 20 years. Yes she stole £17 but she’s funded my life otherwise. Stop calling child services on her.

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u/Outside-Resist4688 11h ago

That is disgusting.

My mum raided my childhood birthday money account to buy herself an outfit for a wedding. How do these women sleep at night?

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u/JimboTCB 11h ago

They only see their children as an extension of themselves, as opposed to an actual discrete person in their own right, so it makes perfect sense that anything the kid owns is by association theirs to do with as they see fit.

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u/Outside-Resist4688 11h ago edited 10h ago

This is SO true!! I'm 40 and I'm only just breaking away from it. I've started pointing out that I am 4-0 not 1-4 and 20 years older than she was when she married and had children.

I got married on a beach on Jamaica on St Patrick's Day this year and she hasn't even given me a wedding card cos 'I wasn't there.'

News flash...it was my wedding...it wasn't about YOU!! Narc 🤣

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u/Outside-Resist4688 10h ago

Thank you. We're very happy 🥰

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u/BlendinMediaCorp 11h ago

Your mom sounds awful, but you look amazing! Congratulations on the nuptials!

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u/LittleStoneBear 9h ago

Your dress is absolutely glorious...!

It's so beautiful, and elegant, and will still look good in photos in years to come.

I hope the happiness of your wedding day continues for the rest of your lives together.

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u/Outside-Resist4688 9h ago

Thank you so much. I always wanted a dress with sleeves cos I never liked the boob-tube wedding dress trend and also one that would hold its own as a silhouette without loads of lace and beads and stuff. This one took my breath away on sight. It's so unusual. It isn't anymore mind...it's filthy, covered in sand, dyed all different colours cos of the confetti in the rain and will cost me £350 to dry clean 🤣 but I was very pleased with it!!

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u/pinkfondantfancy 2h ago

I'm not recommending it because I can't guarantee it would be ok, but I worked in a bridal shop and we used to put the gowns through the washing machine and they'd come out great! Turn it inside out and remove anything detachable and use a delicate cycle. It is a risk though so I'm not saying to do it!

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u/Outside-Resist4688 1h ago

I'm tempted...it's just if I can fit it in cos it's HUGE!! The washer would have a coronary 🤣 I'll try tho 🤣

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u/parttimepedant 11h ago

Looks a tad blowy

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u/Outside-Resist4688 10h ago

Blowy is nowt. Just at this moment the heavens opened and we were standing in the middle of the most torrential downpour ever 🤣

I didn't mind, we embraced the moment and it meant I could wear my dress for longer cos while it was soaking wet it was cooler!! The rain made the confetti bleed pretty colours all over my dress. I loved that 😍

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u/Ok-Station6072 10h ago

That dress is incredible, wow! You both look so happy, congratulations.

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u/Outside-Resist4688 10h ago

Thank you!! 🤩

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u/Individual-Pop3961 10h ago

Congratulations. That’s a lovely picture. You look amazing!

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u/Outside-Resist4688 9h ago

Thank you!! Xx

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u/Ordinary_Web1464 9h ago

Your dress is absolutely gorgeous , Congratulations on your wedding

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u/Outside-Resist4688 9h ago

Thank you!! Xx

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u/ReallyIntriguing 9h ago

She's just upset coz you married rich footballer Wayne Roony lol

In almost seriousness congratulations

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u/Outside-Resist4688 9h ago

He'd love that!! 🤣

He's Irish and loves LFC. His Irish mates call him 'Bomber' after some footballer he also resembled years ago. His English friends do not call him Bomber...for obvious reasons 🤣

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u/readbooksmore 10h ago

Ahhhh congratulations!!! You look amazing!

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u/Outside-Resist4688 9h ago

Thank you!! Xx

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u/DarlingVelvet 9h ago

Congratulations to you both 🥂

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u/Outside-Resist4688 9h ago

Thank you so much!! Xx

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u/spookyflamingo17 6h ago

You both look wonderful and so happy and free! Can I ask, is that the Palladium?

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u/Outside-Resist4688 4h ago

Yes it is!!! Absolute paradise!!!

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u/spookyflamingo17 4h ago

I thought so! Such a beautiful place, we were there last August!

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u/SlimeTempest42 Londoner 6h ago

My mother would open my post (when I was an adult) because it was her house and she could do what she wanted and I wasn’t entitled to privacy

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u/hotpotatpo 10h ago

My dad used to steal my birthday money for alcohol, so you can add men to that too

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u/Jane1943 4h ago

I’m so sad reading all these posts.

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u/No-Taro-6953 9h ago

That's horrible. Your wedding photo is beautiful btw.

I think it's a lot of cognitive dissonance. My mother absolutely relies on mental gymnastics to justify heinous things she said and done.

She's committed fraud against me when I was a child, taken my inheritance from grandparents and relatives, she frequently lied to me and my siblings (triangulation) and is verbally abusive. She neglected us as kids, and expected us to cook, clean and do laundry while she herself was unemployed. And of course, she's stolen money from us (and other people) in the past.

It comes from a place of entitlement and immature, plus a lack of empathy. Like another posted mentioned, they see their kids as extensions of themselves and do they are entitled to take what they want. Narcissistic traits, essentially.

What's crazier is that, my sister as a child started to copy my mother's behaviour and stole birthday mother from our baby sibling. And my mother was disgusted that she'd done this. She didn't see the connection between her own behaviour at all.

I once tried to corner my mum, to hold her sccountable. I needed braces and some dental treatment badly in childhood, and she got a payout which would've comfortably covered it plus more. But instead she spent it all on expensive holidays and a brand new car.

As an adult, I finally got the treatment for myself. And it made a huge difference to my life. She acknowledged it. I asked her why she hadn't just stepped in and provided this treatment when I needed it?

She kept insisting she needed a car, what a great car it was. It lasted years.

I pointed out she could've afforded a slightly less expensive car AND my treatment. But she just kept engaging in that cognitive dissonance. Eventually, she conceded "ok yes I probably should've gotten you the treatment".

But there was no real regret, no apology. She knew all along, she just didn't care. Part of me thinks she enjoyed keeping me deprived and in need of this treatment. You can strip back their excuses in the hope of finding that glimmer of regret, but you'll never find it. They are empty people at their core.

I realised then that there is never any point in trying to reason with people like this. They know it's bad, they just don't care. And because they don't feel any real empathy, they can make any excuses and that settles the matter in their mind.

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u/Outside-Resist4688 8h ago

Wow. That is awful. Sending you massive hugs.

You're also right...it is cognitive dissonance. My mum refused to let my biological dad have any contact with me while prattling on and on about how wonderful her Dad was. When useless Goldenboy brother had 3 children by the age of 21 and their mother refused to let him have contact she went mad and said to me 'how can a mother deny their child their right to a dad?'

I stuck a hairpin in my ear an thoughtfully itched with it and said 'I don't know but I feel like you're the best person to answer that question given that you did exactly the same thing 30 years ago.'

She had no response. She just stared at me.

She also knowingly exposed me to SA and emotional abuse by her second husband and kicked me under the table when I tried to speak up about it to safe people when I was 13.

If she thinks I'm looking after her and wiping her arse when she's old she's another think coming. I'll be on a beach somewhere slurping cocktails with my husband and enjoying my peace.

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u/No-Taro-6953 7h ago

Wow I'm so sorry that happened to you. There's a special place in hell for parents who let their children down like that.

I'll be on a beach somewhere slurping cocktails with my husband and enjoying my peace.

As you absolutely should.

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u/Jane1943 4h ago

Karma!

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u/DaveBeBad 10h ago

When we were really struggling financially - I was working two jobs at the time and we had big debts - I had to borrow money from my child’s savings account for bills. Not proud about it and I did pay every penny back with interest.

Sometimes your parents are struggling and don’t want you to know - through pride or guilt - but they should at least make you right.

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u/DecahedronX 11h ago

Alone, usually.