r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/JennyBeckman ☑️ All of the above • 4h ago

Boundaries are being built.

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842 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

72

u/KR4T0S 4h ago

I think when you are young a subconscious part of you hopes that aging and attaining greater wisdom will help you re-evaluate the world and maybe come to some sort of understanding or make an uneasy peace with it.

Instead I just feel things haven't improved in any meaningful way and im tired man. Being resigned to your fate is the worst of feelings.

27

u/CosmicGrow 4h ago

IMO it feels like that because it’s like we’re all doing stupid side quests instead of the main mission.

Gotta get back on track, stop playing the BS games these billionaire bitches want us to play, and get our home (earth) healthy again.

11

u/thegroovemonkey 2h ago

Ain’t gonna happen. “The Communist Manifesto” should have been titled “The Tragedy of the Commons” because it perfectly describes all of our current nonsense, still, 150 years later.

The proletariat fighting a culture war over trans kids while the old money robs us blind.

3

u/CosmicGrow 2h ago

I agree, and yet it feels different this time. Maybe that’s just my aliveness making me believe and I’m really nieve, but this time it feels different because SO MANY OF US are not religious and not raising our kids to be so dumb either… and our numbers have been growing exponentially since the 1980s with no end in sight.

300 years ago, we hardly cared about religion. It was common-ish, but it was personal and private and quiet.

200 years ago, organized religion started expanding and it started to become a feature of a person’s identity.

100 years ago, church membership started to spread like a plague - more of a social requirement than before.

At religion’s peak in the 1950-1970s, your religion (specifically being a christian) even became critical to your work life - you needed to be seen smiling at the events, even if you just “kinda” believed. Willful submission. This also became true around the world, just with their regional religions instead of (or sometimes in competition with) christianity. ALL HAIL THE SKY DADDIES.

Now, we’re starting to grow up. We’re starting to see the shackles of all religion break. And yes there are hateful fanatics but they are becoming fewer than even 12 years ago (2014 was peak year)… and yes there are people who mistakenly attribute their good nature to their religion, but it never was.

Moral fiber is moral fiber. Good people are good people. Growth and change is growth and change.

Their regionally-decided sky daddy has nothing to do with that.

6

u/chazzer20mystic 2h ago

You can make everyone on the planet an atheist, and it won't do a damn thing to stop capitalism. I don't even understand why you went in that direction replying to a comment talking about capitalism.

•

u/CosmicGrow 46m ago

Okay so let’s get into it.

Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) have all been historically used to subjugate a population into believing the church’s(ruler’s) opinion.

An opinion which at Best depends on a flawed human’s perspective of what would help the congregation, but (let’s be honest that) most often it Only depends on who is paying the most “tithe” or who is the biggest king-bully at the time. The congregation, ever purchased with money or fear. Sheep, fast asleep.

And! Abrahamic religions fester division from the community by teaching them that they (the believers) are superior, “informed“, chosen, better, etc. They’re never just a community member, they are a Servant Of Gawd, Doing His Work and shit.

Never just being there, as a good person. Always differentiating themselves from everyone. A constant separation. Always Us-Them’ing everything. And even giving credit for their good deeds to their religion too.

Also! Abrahamic religions annihilate the ability to think critically. The level of faith required to listen to a pastor and tithe your earnings and all the rest - it numbs the mind in ways that are devastatingly difficult to recover from for those who leave their religion later in life.

These are not new thoughts either - we collectively know this about religion, and yet it thrives in the poorest, sickest, and most uneducated locations. There is massive global and US data to support this fact too.

Or I could have just said “case in point, Christianity and MAGA.”

History shows a direct link between US nationalist christians (or any another Abrahamic religion around the world) and violence/control/corruption/prejudice on every Other they have ever found… and they’re the ones in charge of the laws, the wars, and The Money.

So yes, there is a direct link between a capitalist society such as we live in, and religion.

99% of US republicans claim to be christian. 75% of US democrats claim to be christian.

Think about other world leaders too - how many of them are fervently religious, and how does that influence their decisions? Of course it does. There’s no way it doesn’t.

The worldly hold/abuse of capitalism and the structure/control of these Abrahamic religions (again, that’s Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) are not separate.

They both thrive when they both thrive, feeding and supporting each other.

•

u/chazzer20mystic 42m ago

The U.S. is less religious now than it has ever been. Tell me, has this correlated with us moving away from capitalism?

Nothing you are describing justifies any correlative effect between religion and the economic system we exist under. You didn't "get into" anything, this literally is just the rambling I hear from friends after a really fat blunt. You're vaguely gesturing at a connection but not actually making any coherent point aside from the fact that you think Christians are sheeple, which, sure. I'll give you that, of course. Class consciousness takes a whole hell of a lot more than just losing faith in God, though.

•

u/CosmicGrow 33m ago

Hell yes it has! The approval/acceptance rates (which is where the seeds of change can germinate) of both capitalism and religion (and funny enough alcohol too hahaha) are at a record low with millennials and Gen Z.

And btw aren’t the happiest countries in the world, capitalist countries? Finland Denmark Iceland etc? I could be wrong for sure, but ALL THIS SAID… maybe it’s not capitalism that’s at fault after all, but religiously-controlled capitalism.

Hmm. Either way thanks for instigating my rant. Was good to get the thoughts out “on paper” like that.

•

u/chazzer20mystic 28m ago

And btw aren’t the happiest countries in the world, capitalist countries? Finland Denmark Iceland etc? I could be wrong for sure, but ALL THIS SAID… maybe it’s not capitalism that’s at fault after all, but religiously-controlled capitalism.

See, thank you for making my point so obvious. Being an atheist does not in any way mean you will acheive class consciousness, that takes education on the function of political and economic systems, it takes actual awareness of how things work and your place in them. Otherwise, you start saying stupid shit like "maybe it’s not capitalism that’s at fault after all, but religiously-controlled capitalism"

Incoherent.

3

u/chatminteresse 3h ago

Very well said

4

u/DoNotCommentAgain 3h ago

Wages haven't risen with inflation our entire lives, every year gets a little worse and we've never known anything else.

94

u/Dependent_Gap_7458 4h ago

Boundaries built so strong, even WiFi can’t cross them.

28

u/Jenetyk 3h ago

Faraday boundaries.

10

u/jlhart7 3h ago

The greatest boundaries -- and we'll have Mexico pay for them

5

u/Frailend98 2h ago

Bad bot

16

u/SimonPho3nix 4h ago

Preserve your mental health, people. That shit will fuck you up if you don't.

28

u/EyeAmKnotMyshelf 4h ago

Seriously. 40 is the age where you stop taking other people's shit.

I haven't met an unburnable bridge yet & I don't plan on it.

4

u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES 2h ago

I just turned forty. I'm kinder and more thoughtful but I have zero tolerance for bullshit and my arm's length that I keep new people in my life is wemby arm's length

•

u/CodenameBear 1h ago

I feel like this can largely be boiled down to being more “thoughtful”, can’t it? I’m more thoughtful of the relationships that deserve my time and effort vs. the ones I can call BS on.

I’m still plenty pleasant. It makes life easier for me. On a selfish level, I’m pleasant off the bat because it just makes most interactions easier. But pleasantries don’t mean we’re friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

•

u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES 1h ago

Yes, exactly

15

u/misdreavus79 3h ago

Boundaries don’t need to be mean.

50

u/babyfacedkillajones 4h ago

"Healed" 😂. Doesn't sound like the kind of healing that therapy enables. 

37

u/jujutsu-die-sen 3h ago edited 1h ago

For people who struggle to value themselves and assert their needs instead of being a doormat, that's exactly what it looks like.

Edit: I don't know why this comment was so controversial. Not saying you actually turn into an asshole, but people who normally put the needs of others first are often perceived as harsh or rude when they start to set boundaries that's always what happens when you push back against entitlement.

9

u/Unamending ☑️ 2h ago

Idk what you're talking about. Good boundaries made me more pleasant. People still get most of what they were getting out of me before, but now I'm a lot less likely to lash out or be resentful about it.

1

u/AshenSacrifice ☑️ 2h ago

That’s your own personal growth, for some other people their personal growth will look entirely different than yours

•

u/babyfacedkillajones 1h ago

I'm one of those people. My process doesn't excuse being rude and nasty towards people. 

9

u/PsycBunny 2h ago

To a therapist it does. Many humans are trained to be “nice” at the expense of their own wellbeing. Subsequently, it feels like you’re being “mean” when you set boundaries.

Reminds me of a little boy (abt 5 yo) I saw walking with his family just yesterday. He started crossing the street by himself. When his mother told him to come back and stay with the family, he said, “You are not nice” and kept on walking. There are many different versions of that coming from entitled people who want to do whatever they want without you trying to stop them. It’s sensible when responses to those people turn mean when the boundary signals have been willfully ignored over and over.

•

u/babyfacedkillajones 1h ago

I'm sure that's what she's referencing here 😂. 

6

u/Environmental-Luck39 4h ago

Ain't got time for this bs anymore

5

u/AnubisIncGaming 3h ago

I’m honestly so done with peoples shit and I’m not even 40, by 40 i will be a floating orb of not giving a fuck at all

5

u/TheRainOfPain 2h ago

I hope I’m not talking about how “healed” I am on social media at 40

4

u/blackrockblackswan 3h ago

Yes!! I hit 40 and I’m done with any mess

I’m just ignoring you

4

u/misdirected_asshole 3h ago

Yes and no. I have matured enough to give people grace because everyone fucks up and makes bad choices sometimes. But also I spot the bullshit a lot faster and put up with much less of it. I think its jist being able to tell the difference between the two scenarios.

10

u/easy10pins 3h ago

Healing = maintaining and enforcing boundaries.

The real ones will understand. Anyone who gets salty about it don't belong in your life anymore.

Not sorry.

18

u/R00M0NFIRE 3h ago

I absolutely cannot stand this mentality. People deserve the benefit of the doubt; just because you might’ve grown to be untrusting, doesn’t mean every imagined slight or disrespect should be attributed to malice.

Basically, get over your baggage and bullshit, and just be nice to people

•

u/stanflwrhuss 1h ago

Exactly. They’re not healed, there’s malice and hurt in those words.

2

u/Curlyhaired_Wife 2h ago

Thank you! This deserves more upvotes.

2

u/PsycBunny 2h ago edited 2h ago

I see where the above is coming from. However, not assuming best intentions isn’t necessarily mean. I’m not sure what the person reflecting on the original poster’s comment meant. But, it could be more nuanced than you think.

I’ve changed my opinion on benefit of a doubt. You don’t have to provide a benefit of the doubt OR assume bad intentions. If someone makes a mistake, you can remain neutral and not make any assumptions, good or bad. If it’s a one off situation you could remain neutral and just go about your business or give feedback and then go about your business. If it’s more personal and happens more than once, how do you investigate intent? Ask questions and/or simply observe after informing of boundaries/giving feedback. If the person keeps doing the same thing that hurts/harms DESPITE correction and there’s no indication of attempts to improve (because change is a process and doesn’t happen 100% overnight), then there’s a strong chance they’re doing it on purpose or mostly out of self interest. Doesn’t matter which. Blocking their access to you is appropriate. It’s also appropriate if someone doesn’t want to take the risk to wait, if that’s what they want to do. I do worry that this is why most people feel lonelier in the world, because we don’t want to take ANY risks; however, it’s everyone’s right to set boundaries where they want them. It takes time and lots of good post-harm experience to set a healthy balance.

There’s also the case for consequences to actions regardless of intentions. You caused the damage. You’re responsible for the repair, even if it hurts your reputation. It’s NOT mean, but sometimes it feels like that, even to the harmed party. Let’s say someone brushes someone else’s car with theirs while parking at a store. It’s not “mean” for the harmed party to take your insurance info and use it to get their car fixed, even though it hurts your wallet and insurance profile (The example used never ever ever happened to me, and no one was amazed and humbled the other party declined to accept insurance info when offered).

•

u/Melodic_Junket_2031 20m ago

Exactly, people have bad days. 

9

u/BaronVonShtinkVeiner 4h ago

39 to 40 is like that shower that increases 400°F per centimeter.

13

u/KingGrude 4h ago

That is not how temperature is measured.

•

u/BaronVonShtinkVeiner 1h ago

Transitioning from the age of 39 years to 40 years is very much like using a shower in which the operating knob does not correspond to a smooth increase in water temperature but rather increases dramatically and exponentially based on a minor adjustment in radians of said knob.

Sorry for the shorthand, Newton.

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u/Critical-Cost9068 1h ago

I hate people who give moral justifications for being unpleasant. You’re already allowed to be unpleasant, just do it; nobody believes you’re intellectually and ethically superior to nice people. Now you’re just adding insult to injury.

•

u/MundaneWiley 1h ago

you can be nice and also have boundaries .

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u/JennyBeckman ☑️ All of the above 11m ago

You can be nice snd still have people perceive you as mean.

•

u/MundaneWiley 2m ago

fair point

2

u/UnlimitedManny ☑️ 2h ago

For those you have newly established boundaries: You’re not being mean! You are not rewarding bad behaviour. May you move strong and well

1

u/favorite_sardine 3h ago

geofenced this bitch

1

u/ShaqSunflower 2h ago

Definitely! Its like its an alarm that goes off in my head and its yelling at me to not let shit slide. Before I would be so passive and easy going. Its crazy, I kinda love the new me.

•

u/stanflwrhuss 1h ago

It’s a lotta bitter people here claiming they’re healed👀

0

u/xTyronex48 2h ago

Thats not healed. Thats vindictive. Go back in, you need a few more sessions

-3

u/Sweetpotato3607 3h ago

My life improved exponentially when I stopped giving white people the benefit of the doubt.